armour (minsung)

chapter 18

i found out that old friends were similar to memories.

like visions of our childhood; a little moderated, little drawn over, half forgotten, but never fully gone.

like the soft purple of twilight, like red hues and half remembered photographs on the wall, omnipresent, both there and not.

jeongin and seungmin had been my childhood friends, the ones that pulled me out of my house and made me chase them, the ones who accompanied me in the soft cradle of childhood.

it was the caring embrace of a loving mother. we spent our days in the gentle hold of youth, surrounded by by their fantasies and mine- knights and elves, and toy cars and castles.

but soon, the rainbows and happiness and sunshine began to dissipate.

the wisps of soft pinks and pastel blues gave away to sinister reds and midnight blacks.

but unlike the smoky embrace of our innocence, they didn't leave and persistently so.

it surprised me at first, and now it just intrigues me; how could a person, let alone two, could care for a dark demon like me; for i brought nothing but tears, nothing but misfortune to those i loved.

and hyunjin.

he was a gentle soul, pure and unadulterated, even amidst the mud that threatens to taint at every second.

i met him during the dark blossoms of black and red, with midnight blue to accompany, behind the translucent curtain of pastels.

a friend who understood pain, the feeling of dangling over the precipice with only one hand for support.

he was the friend in the shadow, like thoughts at midnight.

he had been a good friend before i foresaked my promises.

and new friends are like anticipation of the future, so predictable yet not.

they are new hopes and unsuppressed happiness.

both changbin and felix had been like brothers to me, like the branches of a tree that reached out towards the sun, like the ropes holding a boat at dock, so that the boat doesn't go astray, but allowing enough so that the hold isn't constricting, isn't suffocating.

and chan was like the trunk of the tree, grounding, yet supportive, with just the right amount of sturdiness, the weight to anchor to the ground.

and jisung, my sweet sungie, the reason of my existence. i didn't know and had no want of knowing where i stood in his life, but to me he is my life, the candle to my moth; even if he singed me, he'd be my sole purpose of existence.

i hoped we were like dark and light; essential for each other's existence, like breezes on hilltops and the scent of pine needles; that fit so well together.

i hoped we were powerful.

so powerful, so powerless.

it was us.

---

to be honest, i was scared.

i had finally decided to face my fears and ask him out.

i mean, we had kissed, not once, but twice and he had said he liked me so i would think that i would not be rejected.

but i'd much rather make sure than speculate and i was determined to do it that day itself.

i waited patiently for minho hyung to come back home from school, as he had extra classes which went on far longer than mine.

i made sure that neither freckleface nor triangle headass was home when i would confess and i had successfully convinced that hanging out with chan hyung and his little boyfriend would be a completely amazing idea.

i waited for a bit, not much, just an hour and a half, sitting on the couch and staring at the same spot on the wall while my brain overthought about the situation i got myself in.

the sound of the front door opening drew my attention and shook me out of my reverie .

hyung entered the house with a ethereal smile streched across his features. the world shifted from fear and uneasiness to a sense of calm and home.

that smile that made me fall for him, the way those eyes sometime bores into mine, the soft pressure of his lips on mine, the way his hand clutched mine during any given occasion.

he wouldn't tell me he likes me just to play with my feelings.

so i ushered him to the couch and sat beside him.

"say minho hyung, if i asked you something, would you be mad?"

his eyes saddened a bit. was it because of the question, or worse, was it because of the lack of nicknames?

"not really. "

it was not as if he'd turn me down anyway, i trusted him of that.

"you may feel like i'm joking around or playing with you, but i swear to god, i'm being genuine. hyung i really really like you, ok? i seriously do. i love every little thing about you. i could go on for days about why i like you so much, from your appearance to your face, i really like every single part of you. hyung, would you be my boyfriend? if not, i'll understand, i'll get over it, i promise to-"

i couldn't continue.

not because i didn't have words, not because i didn't want to, but because there was a pair of lips on mine, and even if there was a taste of salt, the courtesy of tears, either his or mine, it was answer enough.

but he let go of the kiss and placed his forehead against mine just to say;

"i'd be crazy not to."

and even if it would take a long time for us to navigate this world, we'd do it together, forever.

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the end
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940 words

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the main book is over.

it has been an amazing journey so far, thank you for your support and love, and now i'm crying in the bathroom while writing this oh god.

i'll be posting the extra chapters later on, i'll just cry for a few days first. the order will start with jeongchan and end with changlix with hyunmin in between

and for the last time.

yeet.