Mission failed (Choi Seung-hyun fanfic)

~ Dreadful dreams ~

It' been three months, since Seung-hyun and I have been hiding from both the Organization and my father's men. We were now in Rome, the second destination we decided to run off to. We first went to Oslo in Norway. He said we needed to go somewhere far, where they won't be able to find us soon, so Oslo was our best chance. We were there for three months before they tracked us down, when things started to get suspicious we had to leave. We stayed in his father's apartment that he had there. Thankfully no one knew about it, not even the Organization. But we knew that sooner or later either they or my biological father would find us, so when one evening we got back form dinner in a restaurant and found the apartment completely trashed we realized we waited for too long. We decided it was time to go, so we packed our bags that same night and in an hour we were at the airport heading to Rome. Italy was also his idea, I was scared to go there since it was so close to home but he said that they would never suspect it.
I was waiting for him at the new apartment in Rome. This one we rented because well, he couldn't have an apartment in every city we went. Luckily money wasn't a problem either, even though we were robbed in Oslo because the intruders probably wanted us to think they were merely robbers, Seung-hyun had a lot of money on his credit card. And when I say a lot I really do mean a lot. When I realized how much money was stolen and how much he'd have to cash up before we leave Oslo my heart started to pound like crazy. "How are we going to go around with so much money Seung-hyun?" I asked him in panic. "I've been doing it for three months without you even knowing, I can manage." He replied. "Yeah but, what if we get robbed again?" I asked. "Leave it to me ok?" he said giving me a reassuring smile. I nodded. "Does the Organization really pay you that much?" I asked astonished. I mean I knew hit men were paid a lot but that was just outrageous! He smirked. "Not even remotely. Most of the money comes from my father. He's a very important career man back in Korea and reputation means everything to him. My reputation as much as his. Ever since I was small..." he started to say something but he stopped and his expression darkened as though he remembered something bad. "Anyway he sends me a lot of money every month, he can't have me walking around like a beggar. Not that the press even know how I look like, I was a hit man, I couldn't afford being known. But anyway, his fellow co-workers know me and he can't risk me being seen by them and shame him." He said indifferently. I really wanted him to confide in me and tell me what bothered him about his past but that was a topic for another time, perhaps. Honestly I was disgust by his father but I didn't say it out loud. In the end it was his father and I could only be grateful for bringing this beautiful man to life. "What about your previous job then?" I asked dumbfounded, I mean if his reputation was so important how could his dad let him be a hit man? "You crazy? My father doesn't know about that! He thinks I'm travelling for work but doesn't know exactly what I do. He doesn't care either, he's persistent that I take over the company sooner or later." He said. Honestly that was the obvious answer so I felt a bit stupid for even asking him that. So before we made our way to the airport and fly off to Rome he stopped by a bank and withdraw enough money for a year! "Can't they trace the card back to us?" I asked a bit scared as he entered back in the car. We had to get rid of that bike when we left my country and we, well he, stole another car. I was completely against it but he told me we had no other choice. "Yes, which is why we're leaving the country." He replied seriously. I nodded and he started the car, taking us to the airport and then to Rome. As I waited for him in the apartment I remembered the first day we came, it was 4 a.m. and we were both completely exhausted. The trip was pretty long plus it was sudden and hasty. When we landed we sat in a 24/7 coffee shop at the plane station and ordered our dose of necessary caffeine for the long night ahead of us. He looked at me like I was some weird genius as I ordered two coffees in perfect Italian. But then again, I never did told him I knew the language. "Un caffe' e un cappuccino, per favore." I asked the waitress that nodded and scribbled on her notepad. I looked back at him just in time to see his jaw drop. I laughed. "What?" I asked feeling the warmth rising to my cheeks. I couldn't believe something as silly as his surprised expression made me blush. "You speak Italian?" he asked confused. I nodded proudly. "That's going to make things a lot easier." He added as his mouth formed a perfect smile, the one that always made my heart skip a beat. Moments like that were the happy ones, they made me survive the day. Those moments made the three months in Norway the best time of my life. Spending every day with Seung-hyun was a bliss, the more I got to know him the more I knew he was perfect for me. And I knew he felt the same. Often he would tell me I was his soul mate. I would always nod and say that I understand why he feels that way, but never once did I tell him the same thing. I told him I didn't believe in that and he said he understood, but sometimes I could notice in his eyes that he just needed to hear it, and I was sorry I couldn't just say it for him. But as much as Norway was the best time of my life it was also the worst. I'd get easily by through the day with Seung-hyun at my side, but the nights became my personal phobia. Because then the nightmares would come. Nightmares of how I killed that man. At first I just relived the moments when I killed him, seeing it over and over again in my dreams, but when the guilt became bigger I started to have different dreams. At first he'd get up after I shot him and approach me, he'd push me to the ground and strangle me until I'd wake up without breath... or in screams. Seung-hyun would always run into the room and wake me up when he heard my screams. He'd cuddle up beside me and comfort me until I fell back asleep. I asked him a few times why he wouldn't just sleep in bed with me but he said it was too soon, so he always stayed in the room next to mine. Close enough to come running when I needed him. I assumed he decided that because of what happened back home, when he lost control. Still, sometimes he stayed awake with me overnight when I was too afraid to fall asleep, and the more time passed the more afraid I'd get. He always asked me to talk about the dreams, and at first I did. But then one night the dream changed again, the hit man had gotten up after I shot him and approached me pushing me to the ground and strangling me, only this time he took off his helmet, and instead of the man I shot I saw Seung-hyun's face. The dreams were getting worse and worse and each time I'd wake up even more afraid and paranoid. He noticed something was wrong, he asked me to tell him if the dreams changed but I couldn't, I couldn't tell him he was strangling me in my dreams. So I'd lie and say the dreams were always the same. Then a few weeks ago the dreams got even worse, I was standing with the gun in my hand and the man I killed was in front of me, but after I'd pull the trigger I'd found myself facing Seung-hyun, who'd collapse in front of me and joke in his own blood. I'd wake up so afraid and in tears that I couldn't calm down for the rest of the night. He'd come every time and comfort me. And before, I could always fall asleep again while he was holding me but lately I just couldn't fall asleep once I'd wake up from that dream. He didn't know what to do anymore, and I felt guilty for keeping him awake every night. He knew I was hiding things from him and he tried to talk to me about it but I was too afraid of his reaction if I told him about my latest dreams. He would definitely feel guilty. When I started asking him about the man I killed he became even more suspicious. I thought if I learned more about him I'd feel better, or worse. I don't know, I guess I wanted to punish myself and that's exactly why Seung-hyun refused to talk about him. I felt like he was hiding something from me when he said that man was no one important, just a murderer, and I had nothing to feel bad about. The nights went on like that, even in Rome. So tonight, while he was out grocery shopping and I waited for him I found myself snooping around. I knew he was hiding something from me, so I became curious and decided to look through his stuff in his room. In the second drawer of his night table I found a folder about the Organization. The drawer had a lock but he didn't even bother to lock it, probably because he didn't expect me to go through his stuff. This only made me feel more ashamed of my actions. Still my curiosity was too big so I looked through the folder, there was nothing suspicious about it at the beginning, but then I noticed an inner folder, about a hit man that worked in the same Organization as Seung-hyun. The picture of the man was crossed with a red marker, and that's when I realized: it was the man I killed. Seung-hyun knew about him and he lied, telling me he was no one. I looked through the papers and found out he was a close colleague of Seung-hyun's. In fact they went to the army together, which meant they might've even been friends. I felt tears falling down my cheeks and I put my hand over my mouth to stop the sobs, I killed his friend, and he didn't even tell me. I knew he was trying to protect me but at that moment I was so angry. I wanted Seung-hyun to hate me, instead he comforted me every night and hid from me how much he was hurt. I cradled up in a corner and cried until he came back. When he got back home and found me on the floor crying he dropped the bags he had with him and ran towards me. Before he reached me I threw the whole folder on him and started screaming at him. "How could you hide something like this from me?!" I asked him. He petrified in front of me taken aback from my outburst. "Annabelle, I can explain." He approached wanting to hug me but I pushed him away. I was just so angry and depressed and I felt completely lost. I got out of his room and went to the kitchen. He followed me even though I didn't want him to. I was overwhelmed with grief and rage and I didn't know what I'll do. In a brief moment of weakness and rage I took a vase from the table and threw it across the room into the wall; I watched as it shattered into dozen little pieces. And the more I looked at it the more guilty I felt. I can't believe I killed someone so close to Seung-hyun...I put my hands over my face and started sobbing uncontrollably. I can't believe I killed someone. I couldn't stop crying no matter what. He approached me again, slowly, I let him embrace me from behind. "What are you doing to yourself?" he whispered in my ear. I shook his hands off without saying anything. I went back into his room towards the papers that were scattered all over and started picking them up. "Annabelle leave that, I'll pick it up." He said leaning on the door frame. But I didn't want to listen, I took the inner folder and something fell from inside it. I looked down and saw a photo that I must've missed while I was going through the folder. I picked it up and looked at it. On it, the man I killed was smiling and a beautiful woman was hugging him from behind. They both looked so happy. I gasped and let the photo slip through my hands. My whole body was shaking as I watched the photo of the beautiful couple falling on the floor. I put my hand over my mouth, another life I ruined, I thought as I saw her wide smile. I fell on my knees sobbing, I can't live with this; I just can't. "Annabelle..." he started; his voice seemed... annoyed. I knew he was just trying to comfort me again, and obviously he was getting tired of it. At that moment I hated myself more than ever before, I realised how fearful I was of him getting tired of me. I was so selfish and needy, and he never once asked for anything. When I asked him to stay with me he stayed, when I asked him to run with me he ran, when I couldn't sleep he'd stay awake with me. Whatever I needed he'd always be there to give it to me. And he never got anything in return, no wonder he was getting tired of me. "Please don't." I shoved his hand away when he placed it on my shoulder. I picked myself up and ran into my bedroom. I locked myself in, not wanting to see nor talk to Seung-hyun. I wanted to be alone with my guilt because I deserved it. He knocked on the door. "Annabelle, please let me in. This, it's not what you think." He said tiredly and knocked again. I didn't say a word, I wanted that his tiredness grows into hate for me, I wanted him to scream at me and be angry. Anything just so I can finally feel this pain through completely. He'd always just console me, hug me, kiss me and whisper words of comfort. I hated that he was always so considerate of my feelings, I needed someone to point a finger at me and say what I actually was: a murderer. He knocked again. "Annabelle I'm begging you, open up." He pleaded, I could hear him sigh on the other side of the doors. "Go away!" I screamed back at him. My feelings were completely mixed up, and I didn't know if I was pushing him away because he dared to get annoyed for once or because I knew he deserved much better than me. A minute went by and I thought he'd actually gone away when suddenly he punched the doors and I flinched. "Dammit Annabelle, I'm going to break this door if you don't open up!" he yelled back. I was surprised, ever since we escaped he's always been composed and calm. Not once did he raise his voice or got angry at me before now. I thought it was probably because I was always feeling down or angry at myself that he'd try so hard to stay calm and help me out. He kicked the doors again, this time harder and I heard them crack so I picked myself up from the corner and ran for the door. As soon as I opened up and looked at his expression I knew I was screwed, he was utterly pissed and his face lines showed it in a terrifying way. "Are you stupid or something?" he shouted. I flinched again, I wiped my tears off looking at him with confusion, I didn't know if he was serious or not, but he definitely seemed so. He shoved the folder into my hands a bit too harshly, pushing me back a step, I was seriously scared right now. "Look at the dates." He ordered me. I gave him a small, almost unnoticeable nod and opened the folder once again. I went over the letters and numbers on the files until I reached what I was looking for. Then my jaw dropped.