Mission failed (Choi Seung-hyun fanfic)

~ Who's guilty and who's guilty too? ~

ANNABELLE POV

I woke up to a sound of a familiar voice. A calming and warm voice that made my heart skip a beat every time I'd hear it. Rina had told me it was two weeks since I last saw him but to me it felt much longer, more like two years. I ignored all the pain I felt when I tried to get up and followed the voice, more than anything I wanted to see him. The person with that beautiful, deep voice. As soon as I saw him, even from behind, I couldn't help but smile. What the hell was I thinking? Deciding to stay behind, leaving him convinced it was for his sake. I understood in the meantime how much he had suffered because of what I did. And I don't think I would ever forgive myself for that. It was hard for me to walk, I was low on energy since in the past two weeks I didn't get much food or water; or even sleep. I thought that without food and water I could go on for at least a bit but when they started to deprive me from sleep I seriously wanted to bash my head against a wall. I can't determine if it was bad or good that I was chained to a wall because that's the only thing that stopped me from doing so. I heard the conversation they were heaving and I couldn't not interfere. "You shouldn't be too hard on her Youngbae, you don't even know what she's been through in this past year. And she did save my life." I said. In the few hours that I have spent with Rina I finally started to see the person that Youngbae and Seung-hyun had fallen for. She may not have been as innocent as they thought but she was the bravest and most resolved person I've ever met. And she told me everything she had to do to keep both of them safe, including lying to both of them. After I spoke he finally turned around. The second he saw me his face turned from surprised to a pained grimace. My heart sank so low at seeing him so sad because of me. I wanted to fall on my knees and beg him to forgive me, instead I kept my smile and tried my best to get to him, because I knew that would make him happier. He didn't wait another second before he hurried over and picked me up. His smell immediately filled my personal space and my heart flattered. I'm with him again. I wasn't sure if it was real or a dream so I embraced him and buried my face in his neck. I took a few deep breath trying to absorb as much of his scent as I could because I was scared that it would all disappear. He put me on the bed but I refused to let go of him. "I'm just going to lock the doors." he said, but I still wouldn't let go. So he picked me up again and carried me to the doors. "You two settle things down, she can't travel like this, especially not on a bike so we're staying here for tonight and leaving first thing in the morning." he said and banged the doors into their faces. I felt a bit sorry for the two of them but Seung-hyun was right. I was in no condition to travel right now. He put me on the bed and laid beside me, covering half of my body with his. There was a moment of silence before he spoke up. "I'm so sorry, little girl." He whispered in my ear and kissed my forehead. You idiot! What do you feel sorry about? You should hate me for what I did. I swallowed. "Shut up. This is all my fault." I said burying my face deeper into his neck, if that was even possible. I was so embarrassed, and I didn't want him to know that I was crying so I tried as hard as I could to silence my sobs; but he noticed anyway. Because he always notices. He cupped my face with his hand and looked me in the eyes. Then he smiled. "Your fault? Annabelle, I was a professional killer for years, to not notice you weren't in the car? I..." he sighed. "I said shut up..." I didn't know how to continue, the enormity of my guilt was weighing on me, crushing me from the inside. "Seung-hyun, I'm so sorry, I really thought I was protecting you. I just... I thought that for once I should save you and not the other way around. I was so sick of always relying on you and never doing anything in return. And in the end I just screwed up." I said. Then, on my surprise he started laughing; uncontrollably. I was lying there, confused, looking at him with my eyes wide. "What?" I asked completely clueless as to what lead to this kind of reaction on his side. "You seriously think that don't you?" he asked me, still a little amused. I shrug, still completely confused. "Yeah..." I replied slowly. Why is that funny? Then, just like that he turned serious again. He got up and looked at me from above. "Annabelle, you must be crazy. You seriously have no idea what you've done for me?" he asked me, he even seemed a little unhappy. Seriously at this point I was ready to believe he was on his period, based on the mood swings. "Annabelle, you saved me in a way I could never repay you, no matter how many times I saved you. What you did for me, I can never repay it. You got me out of that corrupted and disgusting life. I mean I've done things that I can never take back but if you didn't come along I would still be doing it, and I would think it was ok; that I was doing it for the right reasons. But, I was wrong, and you helped me realize that. And now, thanks to you, I'm doing something good, I know it in my heart. I can't believe you don't know that." He looked at me in disbelief, I felt the huge amount of emotions that were following those words and it left me speechless. I could just look at him stunned with my mouth half open. I muttered indistinctly but in the end I just didn't know how to reply to that. I just never looked at it in that way, for me I always thought that he decided to leave his life for me, and that I owed him for that too. I never thought that I actually saved him from that life, did I really? He smiled again, looking intensely at me from above, trying to figure out what I was thinking. "You don't have to say anything, but don't ever think you owe me anything ever again. Because I owe you so much more." As soon as he said that he placed his lips gently on mine, pressing them lightly against mine. He positioned himself over me but in a way that I didn't feel his weight at all. I was sure he was afraid that I'd break in half because of the state I was in; but from the moment he kissed me I really didn't care. I put my arms around him and pulled him closer. My lips burned a little on the few places they were cut but I couldn't complain, kissing Seung-hyun was a bliss, and being in his arms was like heaven. It was warm, and safe, and comfortable and it made me extremely happy. I tried to lift my body and press it against his but that gesture seemed more painful today than usual. I winced and Seung-hyun stopped kissing me to check what was wrong. I gave him a shy smile, and instead of trying to lift myself towards him I pulled him in closer. He obeyed and was now totally pressing against me but still not enough to make me feel all his weight. I kissed his beard and found my way back to his lips. We kissed like that for a long time, a few times I pushed my hands under his shirt trying to take it off but he'd just pull it back down again, smiling through the kiss. The last time I tried it and he pulled it back I whined so he stopped kissing me again. "You're in no state for that, little girl." He said half seriously and half through a smile. I looked at him playfully. "But look where we are!" I spread my arms pointing at the Candyland Kawaii room that I did not pick but Rina made me take it because it was next to the Oriental Palace that she booked for herself. She took exactly that one because she knew that once she sends Youngbae a text message where she's at he'll know it isn't a trap; since it was the first place Youngbae and she wanted to come to when they tried to escape the Organization, and Oriental Palace is exactly the room they were going to take. "Are you serious?" I asked pouting. I moved my arms from his waist to his neck, caressing his back slowly with my fingers. He kissed me again, and I took that as a sign of his permission to... proceed with my mission. But it was not, because when I tried to lift his shirt again he pulled it back. Again. "I give up!" I said with a deep sigh. I dropped my hands on the bed and relaxed entirely under him. I closed my eyes, pretending to go to sleep. All the while he looked at me from above amusingly. I know because even though my eyes were closed I took sneak peeks at his beautiful face. The moment I relaxed completely he started kissing and sucking my neck. I tensed again but I didn't move. He worked his way under my shirt and to my bra, squeezing it with his hands and kissing my skin around it. My whole body started to heat up. He trailed his fingers all over my waist and chest and he planted little kisses all over it too. Then he concentrated at my clavicle for a while, which made me totally lose my mind. I felt overdosed in the heat and intensity of his lips and fingers. Suddenly he stuck out his tongue and trailed it, very slowly, very erotically, from my clavicle to my navel. I moaned, grabbing the sheets beneath me and pushing my head back. It seemed that was the end of it, because he backed away and laid next to me, avoiding to touch me even through clothes. I took a moment to come back to my senses before looking at him angrily. "Why'd you stop?" I asked. He looked at me with concern. "You know why." He replied. I rolled my eyes, visually irritated. "I feel fine!" I protested and tried to turn over to face him; automatically bringing my hand to his chest. But he grabbed my hand before i could touch him. "You have to rest. Plus, since when are you this sexually frustrated?" he asked half through a laugh but I didn't find it funny. I looked at him in disbelief. "Am not!" I almost yelled, which kind of took him by surprise. He looked at me with wide eyes. "I was joking." He said defensively. I decided I didn't want to continue this conversation. And I just couldn't believe we were having a fight after not seeing each other for such a long time. Seriously I felt that ever since we left Rome we'd done nothing but fight. I turned my back on him and pulled the covers, this time I was definitely going to sleep. He close up on me from behind and put his hand around me. "Hey, I'm very sorry love. I didn't mean it in a bad way." He said. And I knew he didn't; that's not what was bothering me. What bothered me was that he was right. Because ever since Rome, no matter what situation we found ourselves into, I couldn't stop thinking about that night we slept together. Our first time. It was the best thing that happened to me in my entire life, and I just couldn't wait to feel like that again. But the timing couldn't be worse. We had so much on our plates right now that sex was the last thing I should be thinking about. And still, I couldn't get it out of my mind. The whole thing flustered me so much that tears started falling down my eyes. He must've noticed something was wrong because a second later he was bending over me and asking me what was wrong. "It's nothing. I'm just an idiot, that's all." I said, embarrassed to even mention what I was thinking about. "I find that hard to believe." He told me, removing a lock of hair from my face so he could kiss my cheek. I sniffed a few times but I didn't say anything. "Come on, tell me what's bothering you, little girl. I'm really sorry for what I said before." He said with grief. Once again he completely blamed himself when it was totally not his damn fault. "It's not you, you idiot." I took a deep breath, trying to calm my sobs before I continued. "It's because you're right, ever since Rome, I just can't stop thinking about it. I understand that we have bigger concerns right now, and I'm doing the best I can to help you solve them, even though the majority of the time I end up screwing everything up. But I just can't stop remembering that night, it haunts me. I..." I sighed. I'm complaining again, as if he didn't have enough to worry about. "So what? You think I don't think about that night all the damn time? You think I don't want to have you every second of every day? Right now included?" he said. I thought he was joking but seeing his straight face made me realize he wasn't. And he left me speechless again. He caressed my cheek. "Annabelle, if I could I'd...do it with you all the damn time." He said, he even seemed a bit embarrassed. And I swear I could see his cheeks getting red. I gulped, also blushing under his gaze. I can't believe he feels that way too. But he's not showing it at all! I mean I can barely keep it holding when he takes his shirt off, so how does he contain himself when we're in a position like right now? "But..." I started but he cut me off. "Stop. I know what you're going to say. And it takes a lot of self-control, believe me, a lot. But you're hurt Annabelle, and I would just hurt you more right now." He said. I thought for a second about what he said, I knew he was right, but the thought that he had to control himself around me made me kind of happy. "Ok." I said with a smile. "What's funny?" he asked. I looked deep into his eyes. "Nothing, I'm just happy." I replied.