Mission failed (Choi Seung-hyun fanfic)

~ Tell me a secret ~

In front of me was standing Seung-hyun, with the most hurt and guilty expression I’ve ever seen. I gasped, suddenly the pain lessened and my heart skipped a beat. “You’re here.” I said thrilled. I tried to get up in a sitting position but my shoulder reminded me not to move. I winced in pain, shutting my eyes and taking a deep breath through my teeth. “What do you think you’re doing? Not taking the painkillers? Are you out of your mind?” he sat on the bed next to me. I didn’t care about the pain anymore. He was right in front of me and he was fine. Even if I died from pain at that moment I didn’t care because I knew he’s ok. “I was so worried.” I said with a smile on my face. “You’re an idiot. You should worry about yourself. You almost gave me a heart attack.” He was completely serious and worried but I still couldn’t help but laugh a little. “I missed you.” I said trying to caress his cheek with my other hand. But since he was sitting on the side where my hurt shoulder was that was pretty hard and painful. I winced again so he took my stretched hand in his and placed it back on the bed. But he didn’t let go, which I was thankful for. “I missed you too.” He said and bend down to place a kiss on my forehead. “Why are you doing this to yourself?” he asked pointing at my wound and the obvious pain I was enduring. Honestly I was too ashamed to answer so I decided to joke about it. “I didn’t shoot myself.” I laughed. He didn’t smile back, which made me feel even guiltier of letting him see me in this state. But if I had taken the medicine I would be asleep now and wouldn’t see him coming here. “I’m sorry.” I said looking away. “Call the nurse, tell her at least to give you painkillers. Please!” he asked. I nodded. “I will, after you leave.” He shook his head. “No, take them now or I’ll leave.” I gasped trying to get up again in hope to catch him if he tries to leave. That was another mistake. I screamed in pain falling back to the pillow. His face turned into panic, he got up and bend over me to see if I was ok. I turned my head away, I hated that he had to see me like this because I knew he blamed himself, but I was glad I could see him. We heard footsteps outside the room and he quickly ran into the toilet closing the doors behind him. The nurse entered the room this time bringing the medicine along with her. “That’s enough young lady. I’m giving you your medicine.” I gasped panting for breath. “Just the painkillers, please. I beg you, just the painkillers.” I looked at her with big eyes, hoping she’d listen to me. I could not risk falling asleep now that Seung-hyun was here. “She nodded and inserted one of the syringe into the infusion. The other one she kept in her uniform pocket and didn’t use it. “Here, now at least you can breathe properly since you refuse to sleep and rest.” She said. I thanked her again and waited for her to leave. I waited for the footsteps to disappear too and then called out to Seung-hyun. When he didn’t answer I feared he had left. But moments later he got out and approached my bed. “Feeling better?” he asked. I smiled. “Not yet, but I will pretty soon.” I said looking at the infusion again that was now filled with painkillers. He caressed my face. “I’m really sorry little girl.” He said with a sad expression. I frowned on his choice of nickname but I decided to ignore it. “You did your best. I thought I was as good as dead back there.” I said remembering clearly that one moment when all hope left my body. And then when I saw him on that roof and all that hope came back rushing and filling me from the inside. “I should’ve protected you. I thought that if I leave to find who is after you I could protect you. I see now I was wrong.” He said. I smiled. “I told you that you should’ve stayed.” I stretched my hand to him in hope he’d take it again, but he didn’t. “No, I should’ve left and tell them the mission was complete. They would’ve left you alone and you would’ve been safe then.” He said avoiding to look me in the eyes. I gasped. “No! That’s exactly what you shouldn’t have done! Without you I am as good as dead! I don’t want to live without you. Why are you even saying that, don’t you understand how much your words hurt me when you’re like this?” I don’t remember that I ever poured my heart through my words like this to someone, and he didn’t even look me in the eyes. I felt tears in the back of my eyes. “Please Seung-hyun, please don’t leave me.” I begged him. He finally took my hand in his and kissed my palm. “It’s too late now, anyway.” He said. I pulled my hand out of his and he finally lifted his eyes to look at me. “You’re sorry aren’t you? You’re sorry that you didn’t just leave me here and go back to being a murderer. Tell me the truth!” I screamed a bit too high. I gasped closing my mouth and waiting to hear the footsteps of the nurse again but thankfully she didn’t hear me. “It would’ve been the best thing to do for your safety.” He said simply. “You’re wrong.” I said. “That would’ve been the worst thing to do!” I looked away from him and out of the window, unable to hold my tears anymore. He cupped my face and turned me towards him again, wiping my tears with his thumbs. “I’m sorry little girl. Please don’t cry.” He said and placed a kiss on my lips. I kissed him back and hugged him with my healthy hand. “Let’s just leave. We can go somewhere no one knows us. We could be together.” I whispered into his ear. He pulled back looking into my eyes again. “I can’t take you away from your home, from your family and friends. And anyway my trip to Korea wasn’t entirely useless. I found out something.” He said but I could hear in his voice he was doubting whether to tell me or not. “Tell me.” I said. He nodded and cleared his throat, preparing himself for the obvious bad news. “I found out why they want you dead; and Annabelle, you’re not going to like what I have to say.” He told me, his expression was very serious. “I can take it, just tell me.” I pushed him to tell me. “It’s about your parents.” He said. He took a deep breath and looked me straight into the eyes as he said: “Annabelle, you’re half Korean. And your parents, they aren’t your biological parents. They adopted you.” Honestly I wasn’t sure if he was joking or not, he said it very seriously but news like this, you don’t just throw it at a person, you find a more subtle way to say it. That’s why I found myself feeling confused. “I don’t…I don’t understand.” I said shaking my head in disbelief. Why would my parents lie to me about something like that? “It’s impossible.” I said. He shook his head. “It’s really not. Your parents, they knew your biological mother, she was European, but she was killed when our Organization found out she had a baby. Thankfully before they found her she gave you to your adoptive parents. They have been searching for you ever since, and they found you just now.” he said. I was seriously starting to think this was all a joke. “What the hell are you saying Seung-hyun?” I asked. I was confused and my mind couldn’t process what he was saying. I think I was in denial; for a moment I even thought he was out of his right mind. “You don’t believe me do you?” he asked. “I don’t know, it’s just so outrageous.” I said looking all around me. I just couldn’t process his words, they were unbelievable. I lived with my family for eighteen years and they never told me I was adopted? How is that even possible? He sighed. “I’m sorry, maybe I shouldn’t have told you.” He said and looked up at the clock above my bed. “It’s late little girl. I should better leave.” He said. My heart was still beating like crazy from everything I just heard. I was confused and a bit angry. I just wasn’t sure who I was angry with. Me? Seung-hyun? Or my parents? I didn’t answer him so he kissed my forehead and left the room. I returned to staring out the window, with my thoughts now filled with words Seung-hyun told me. I looked up at the clock. It was 4:30 a.m. This is going to be a sleepless night for me.
The next morning around 7:10 a.m. the doctors came to check up on me. The first thing he noticed was that I was not rested and he ordered the nurse to immediately give me sleeping pills. I refused them again but he wouldn’t hear of it; he said that a patient in my state had to be well rested so the wound could heal sooner. Soon after they gave me the pills I fell asleep. I had a weird dream about a woman that was holding me, as a baby, in her embrace and running through a crowd of people in a train station. She entered in one of the trains and looked outside. At first I thought she was running late for the train but as she looked outside I realised she wasn’t late or anything but she was running from someone. I couldn’t actually see the face of the woman but something about her gave me a familiar and safe feeling. I woke up still in that stupid bed in the hospital. I was getting sick of it. I called the nurse and asked if I could take a walk through the hospital. She said I should wait for someone to go with me. I rolled my eyes and agreed. Not like they would let me go alone if I make a tantrum. Anyway she was just trying to be polite saying I should wait but that actually meant I had to wait. My family came again half an hour before visiting hours started, we could thank my sister who was working at the hospital for letting them come sooner but honestly I didn’t want to thank anyone. Half an hour sooner meant I had to stand them half an hour longer than I wanted to. My mother’s expression was even worse than yesterday, probably because she knew that I didn’t tell anything to the police and that I lied to them. But honestly I didn’t care about that much. Because I was much angrier at her than she was at me. This time it was me who asked my brothers and sister to leave the room because I wanted to talk to mom and dad alone. They all nodded and went to a nearby coffee bar. “You ready to talk to us?” my mother asked with her eyebrows lifted. I smirked. “I am.” I said. Just not about what you wanted to talk, I added in my mind. Honestly there was no easy way to ask this so I went straight to the point. I thought if she won’t be truthful with me at least my dad would. “Am I adopted?” I asked looking straight into her eyes. Her eyes widened for a mere second and then she cooled herself down. Right there, I knew she'd lie to me. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She said simply. I smirked. “Dad?” I asked still looking at her. Her face turned angry, she too knew that my father wouldn’t lie to me. And as a matter of fact he didn’t say anything. He started murmuring and then looked at his feet ashamed. I knew that I just started a fight between them but I didn’t care much. This was proof enough. “Leave.” I said to both of them. “Excuse me?” my mother said raising her voice. “I’m your mother and you will not…” I didn’t let her finish the sentence. “You’re not!” I shouted at her. She gasped with her mouth half opened. “You’re not my mother. So I have every right to tell you to get the hell out of this room. I don’t want to see you; not right now.” No matter how angry I was, and what I just said I did think of her as my mother. She raised me and loved me and took care of me when I was feeling down. She went through my ups and downs with me and I loved her with all my heart. But hiding from me that I was adopted? I couldn’t forgive her that, at least not right away. I felt my heart squeeze in pain as both of them left the room with hurt and guilty expressions. My dad even more that my mom. Before they left I told them not to tell anything to my brothers and sister, of course assuming they didn’t know already.
Seung-hyun didn’t come to the hospital to see me anymore. Every night I would wait for him, begging the nurses not to give me sleeping draft in hope he’d come. After two weeks finally came the morning when I was released from the hospital. My right hand was wrapped in bandages but it didn’t hurt me anymore. And the doctor prescribed me with a painkiller just in case. They all got used to me in these two weeks and were sorry to see me go. I smiled at them and thanked them for all their hard work but I couldn’t share their feelings of regret. I couldn’t wait to leave the damn hospital, it was stuffy and smelled disgusting. And I shouldn’t even mention the food…I frowned on the thought, gross. In front of the hospital in the family car waited my father; alone. I was the one who asked that they all don't come. I only said to dad to come pick me up because I knew he wouldn’t ask any question or give critics about why I didn’t want to see them after my second day awake in the hospital. We didn’t go home immediately, my dad asked me if I wanted ice cream and I nodded happily. Finally I could eat sweets again. In the hospital they considered as sweets those disgusting green jellies that didn’t even have sugar in them. Each time the nurse would bring me one I’d politely refuse. Dad and I went to the usual ice cream shop and bought ourselves two scoops of ice cream each. He was quiet all the time, I could see he was feeling guilty and didn’t know what to say. “You know I still love you dad, right?” I suddenly said. He took a bite at his ice cream afraid to look me in the eyes. “What?” he asked pretending not to know what I was talking about. I smiled. “I know how you feel, and even though I have a biological father somewhere out there that doesn’t change the fact that you’re my dad. The man who raised me and fed me and tried so hard to brush my messy hair when I was small and every time miserably failed and let mom do it.” I said. He laughed a little remembering those torturing moments for both of us. “Thank you sweetie.” He said and patted my head. “Ready to go home?” he asked. I nodded and we headed towards the car. When I finally saw the house in front of me I got nervous. I had a feeling like I hadn’t been there in months and not only two weeks. When I got in they were all waiting for me in the dining room. I placed my bags on a chair and hugged all of them one by one; even mom. They were all glad I was back home, just as I was too. They prepared a dinner and we all ate together. Soon they all went their own way, my sister went to a date with her girlfriend. My two brothers went out to a football game with their friends in a nearby village. I was left alone home with my dad who went to sleep because he had to wake up early for work and my mom who was watching TV in the living room. I gathered all my courage and went to the living room to talk to her, she didn’t say anything to me about all that happened. I wasn’t sure if she was trying to ignore what happened or was scared of what could happen if we talked about it. Anyway I didn’t want to say anything in front of my siblings so I waited until everyone was out of the house. And so I went to the living room and sat next to her looking at the TV. She was watching some science-fiction movie about demi gods. “What’s that?” I asked pointing at the screen. “I don’t know, some teenage movie.” She said. I nodded, it seemed kind of interesting but I wasn’t there to watch a movie. “Can we talk?” I asked her turning my face towards her. She took the remote and turned off the sound on the TV. “Yes, I guess we should.”