Manic

Chapter 34.

"There's someone here who would like to see you." A nurse walks in the room. Mom and you left hours ago, mom has to get to her job, and god knows where you went off to.

"Who is it?" I ask.

"He says his name is Rivers. Rivers Thomas."

Rivers walks into the room, staring at me like I had just jumped off a building... oh wait.

"Jesus Elijah, are you okay?" he asks me.

"Oh yeah, I'm doing great." I lie.

He frowns and pulls up a chair beside my bed. "What happened?"

"Haven't you already heard? Why else would you be here" I fidget with my fingers, trying to hold back the river of tears that was threatening to flow. Seeing Rivers here brought me mixed emotions. But the underlying emotion was relief. He came to see me. But why?

Rivers nods his head solemnly. "Delilah told me. Do you want to talk about it?"

And suddenly fighting back my tears was a futile effort. They fall down my cheeks unwelcome and unwanted. I sob. "I couldn't do it anymore." I manage to say between my cries. "I can't do this."

"Can't do what?" Rivers asks softly.

"I can't lie to you anymore."

"About what?"

"Don't you dare tell him," Reid warns.

"He is going to think you're crazy." Danny agrees.

"He is going to leave you." Tillison says.

"About my... about my voices." I blurt. My tears cloud my vision and my sobbing makes it nearly impossible to breath. But I manage to say it.

"Your what?" Rivers looks at me with a sad expression. One that I received a lot lately. Pity.

"I have an illness." I say. "Dissociative Identity Disorder. It's like a split personality, but the personalities are just voices in my head." I wasn't sure if I felt relieved to be telling Rivers this, or if I felt like an idiot. But either way, he was going to find out.

"Is that what you've been worried about? Me finding out?" He asks.

I nod my head as I wipe my eyes. More tears fall down my cheeks. I take a shaky breath. "I'm sorry about New York. I'm sorry about everything."

Rivers sighs, "Elijah," he says. "I don't care about that."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean," He starts, "I would have still loved you. Illness or not, you're still Elijah. And I have fallen completely and totally in love with you."

I close my eyes, trying to suppress the tears. "You don't understand-" I start to say.

"Yes, I do. You're scared to let me in, I know that. But I know about your disorder, your mom told me before we left for New York. I've known, and I still love you."

I blink. Mom told him? "But-" Rivers interrupts me again.

"Listen, whatever you're going through, I want to be by your side. I don't care if you hear voices. Hell, I don't care if you were mentally insane, Elijah. I love you. I always have. And this... illness... it won't change that." He grabs my hand in his, and my entire body longs for his touch. It has missed his touch. I have missed him.

"I love you, Elijah."

I pull his hand to my lips, and kiss it. I kiss it again and again and again. "Rivers, I have loved you from our very first conversation." I grin, through it hurts my head, "Even if you were an asshat."

Rivers looks me in my eyes, "Promise me you won't ever leave me? Even if the voices in your head tell you to. Promise me?"

"I promise." I say. And I mean it. Rivers leans forward and our lips connect.

After a few precious moments, Rivers pulls away, "God, I have missed you." He says.

Rivers stays in my room for a little over an hour, before saying he had to leave to go home and finish writing the hero's essay that's due tomorrow. He kisses me goodbye and strokes my forehead, looking down at me in the bed he says, "Don't do anything stupid while I'm gone." And he leaves.

I'm left alone, the only sounds are coming from the hospital monitors beeping in the background. My voices are silent, and I smile.

Despite my broken legs and throbbing forehead, I feel at peace with myself. I realized I hadn't failed, but had been saved. Maybe, just maybe, there is a god up there somewhere, looking out for me.