Manic

Chapter 21.

The rest of the day is spent around the house. Unpacking, cleaning and making sure everything is in order. I help Rivers with chores, we clean the kitchen and dining room while listening to his weird music. I don't mind though, as long as I was with Rivers I was perfectly happy.

His dad came into the dining room as we were finishing up the cleaning. "I'm headed out to see some old buddies." He says. "Arden is coming with me." He turns around and leaves. When the front door closes and the house is silent except for the music playing from Rivers' speaker, I turn to him.

He looks upset, like the idea of his dad and Arden going out to visit people bothered him. "What's wrong?" I ask.

Rivers shakes his head with a scowl on his face. "My dad." He says. "I don't like him going out to see... his friends."

"Why not?"

Rivers looks at me with a serious expression. "There's so much you don't know, Elijah."

"So tell me," I plead.

"I can't." He answers. He turns his attention back to setting the table.

I stand there and look at him. He looks so sad I wish there was something I could do to comfort him. An idea comes to my mind, and I make my way across the table to Rivers.

I grab his hand in mine and smile. I wrap my other arm around his shoulders and he returns the smile. He wraps his arms around my waist and we begin to dance. The music was far from dancing music, but neither of us cared. Holding onto Rivers in that moment, everything about it was perfect.

I whisper, "You can tell me anything, Rivers."

He continues to dance, "I know I can." He sighs, "But I don't wish to burden you with any information about my family."

"Rivers," I say, "You won't burden me. Ever. I'm here for you. I want to know you. Everything about you. All the dark and twisted secrets, all of it."

I look Rivers in his eyes and see tears forming in them. "I can't" He breaks away from me and leaves the room. I listen to his footsteps as they climb up the stairs.

And then, I'm alone.

And that's when the voices come.

It had been quite some time since my voices had interrupted my thoughts, penetrating my mind with their negative suggestions.

"He doesn't trust you." Reid says.

"Shut up, yes he does." I reply.

"He obviously doesn't, otherwise he would tell you what's going on." Danny argues.

"Give him some time," Saraphina coos, "He will tell you eventually."

"No he won't" Reid interrupts. "He's never going to tell you. He will never trust you."

"Leave while you can." Danny says. "Before you get too attached."

With that, I burst into tears. The realization that I am already too devoted to this relationship creeps in me. Rivers will never trust me. And why should he? I ask for him to tell me his dark and twisted secrets, and I can't even do the same.

Anger builds inside of me. I hate myself for letting myself get too close. I hate my voices for being right. And most of all, I hate you. I hate you for leaving mom and I. I hate you for triggering me to be this freak that I am today. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.