Manic

Chapter 35.

I spent a week in a behavioral health hospital, learning new coping skills and ways to think positively when all I can think of are the negatives. Mom came to get me at the end of the week. She runs to me, embracing me in the biggest hug that was possible with me in a wheelchair.

You and mom took turns visiting me, switching off every other day. Despite my harbored feelings of hatred towards you, I was glad that you came to see me. We talked, not about the big stuff, though I suspected a time to talk about that was near. But talked about your life in New York, and my life in Arizona.

I told you about my friends, about Rivers, about the short days I spent in New York with him. I tell you all about my voices, you have a strong dislike towards Tillison. And we would sit in the plastic chairs for that hour and talk. And in that short amount of time, life felt normal. Then you or mom would leave and I was faced with my voices.

They didn't go away. They never will. They will always be here, a part of me that makes me different from everyone else. But I have accepted that. I have accepted that no matter what, I will never be what society labels, normal.

I'm just Elijah Jude, the boy with Dissociative Identity Disorder. Like mom used to tell me, I have an illness, but the illness does not control who I am. Aside from that, I'm really just Elijah Jude. The homosexual highschooler who is just going through life like anyone else.

Rivers, Delilah, Honeymaren, Chenoa, and Bodhi were at my house when I got home. There was a cake and my favorite-pizza. We talked and laughed, and life felt normal. I felt like I was a regular teenager for the first time in my entire life.

I smiled more that night than I ever have before. I had finally come to peace with myself. By accepting that life was never what you expect it to be, I found happiness.

Mom and Sam are engaged. They plan to get married in a few months. Sam asked for my permission before he popped the question, and I of course granted it. I was happy for mom, she finally found someone that makes her happy. Besides, I liked Sam.

You're moving back to your home in New York, after the wedding. I had always wished that you would come back into my life one day and be the dad I always thought I deserved. But part of accepting life was never what I expected, meant accepting you would never really be my father.

You're the man that shaped me into who I am.

When Ms. Hale asked us to write about our heroes, I struggled with finding who mine was. My entire life I have loved you, despite the pain and heartache you have caused me. Yet, my whole life I have hated you, because of the pain and heartache you caused me. But I came out stronger because of it. Maybe you are a changed man. But that doesn't mean you need to be a part of my life.

I have learned a lot from you, despite you being on the opposite side of the country from me.

I learned to love. From your example of what love isn't, I learned to love harder and more fully than I would have imagined was possible.

I learned to forgive. By forgiving you and what happened in the past, I was able to become my true self.

And most importantly, I learned to keep going. When I look at how far I've come, I see how much I've grown.

It's all a matter of perspective. You taught me so much though you were such a little part of my life. You impacted me in ways that I could never imagine were possible.

And for that reason, you are my hero.

The End.