Manic

Chapter 12.

The countdown to Friday went as fast as a sparkler dying out. If I had known what I know now, I never would have gone on that stupid date. But I left home that night thinking I had everything under control.

You see, the thing about falling for someone, means you have to open up. And opening up to Rivers would be like letting him catch a disease. Because once he knows about my Voices, he will never see me the same, he will never treat me the same, and he will never be able to have feelings for me in the way that I have for him.

And that's not even what scares me the most.

What scares me the most is that if he got to know the real me, if I opened up and let him know all my dirty little secrets... he wouldn't want to know me.

But I left that night dressed in a black button up top and some tan jeans. I messed with my hair for at least three minutes in the entryway mirror, and then the repetitive sound of knuckle on wood that announced he had arrived at my home. I took a deep breath.

"Don't mess this up," A helpful Danny chimed in my ear.

"You're going to do amazing tonight!" Saraphina sounded.

"Just be yourself... but not too... weird." Reid very kindly told me.

I opened the door. Rivers wore a black and white flannel over a black t-shirt and light washed jeans. His hair was finger combed out of his face and-my god his face. An image of absolute perfection from the tallest tip of his hair to the bottom of his chin he was a mirror image of what I would imagine a greek god to look like. And it wasn't just his face that portrayed gorgeous perfection, but his body, too. Perhaps the most dangerous part about him was that minefield of a smile.

I smiled at him, despite my thoughts telling me he was way too good for me, and I followed him out to his car. Rivers drove a light blue two door Ford Truck from the early two thousands. In other words it was a complete POS. But somehow, it still ran. And Rivers loved it, so I guess I have to cut it some slack.

I had worried that tonight would be weird. I haven't come out to anyone but my small group of friends at school, and I wasn't sure if Rivers had meant let's go on a date or if he meant let's plan on it. I was so nervous when I got in the car, my hands were sweating and my knee kept bouncing up and down, and up and down.

"You haven't been out with many guys, have you?" Rivers asked me.

"None, actually." I replied.

Rivers looks over at me and smiles. And for the first time I see that the part about him that kills me is his eyes. My god. His eyes! I found myself staring in the kaleidoscope of greens and blues, changing colors the longer I looked in them, and I realized I couldn't look away.

"Are you okay?" Rivers asks me.

I clear my throat, "Yeah, yeah I'm good. Your eyes are just..." I stop myself.

Rivers laughs. "Oh-okay Elijah."

It's silent. And the silence is killing me. I can't explain to Rivers how I want to know everything about him. I want to know about his guilty pleasures and his childhood and his passions and hobbies. I want to know his secrets and his insecurities and I want to know everything about him. How do I tell him that on our first date?