Sophie And Lane

Chapter 13

Sophie's POV

Oh my god...oh my god... I paced around my room as I tried not to hyperventilate. Lane had to tell Darry about the cutting, which means I had to come clean about me doing it too. Ugh, how Lane be so stupid? Steve is gonna hate me. I lit ocigarette after cigarette. I was completely freaking out.

Earlier that day...

Ponyboy pulled me aside before English class. He looked like hell. His eyes were puffy, like he'd been crying. He looked like he didn't get any sleep, "Laney is real sick," he told me, "she's got a staph infection."

"She wasn't lookin' too good a couple days ago." I remember thinking she looked rough.

Pony leaned toward me, "that ain't all...she's been cutting herself...like on purpose."

I felt myself pale. I thought I was gonna puke. Keep it together, Soph. "That's awful," I whispered, not knowing how to handle this. I couldn't let on that I knew and I sure as hell wasn't gonna admit that I did it too.

I ran to Lane's house as soon as school was over. Darry was sitting in his armchair, reading the newspaper. I burst through the door. He barely glanced up, "Lane's resting, but you can see if she's up." He looked almost as bad as Pony.

I tiptoed to her room, "Lane," she rolled over. She looked like death, "are you ok?"

She shook her head, "I'm sorry, Sophie, you don' gotta say nothin'."

As much as I wanted to take her up on it, I couldn't go back on our deal, "nah, we're in this together." I wish I was as confident as I sounded. I could tell that Lane was wore out, just from talking, "get some sleep, we'll figure it out, ok?" I think she was asleep before I even walked out.

So, here I am, waitin' for Steve to come back from work.

"Hey Sophie," I jumped as I heard my brother's voice, "ya didnt have to wait outside for me."

I took a deep, shaky breath, "Steve, I need to talk to ya."

He raised his eyebrow and leaned against the porch rail, "whaddya do this time?" He always jumped to the conclusion that I did something bad or illegal, or just plain dumb.

"Nothing like that," i started fiddling with the hem of my shirt, "ya know Lane is real sick, right?" He nodded, "well, ya see," I stuttered, "it's like this. I mean, well, ya know."

"C'mon Soph, out with it."

I couldn't say it so I rolled up my shirt sleeves...and my pant leg...and bared my torso, "we made a pact, Steve. We both were already cutting. I didn't think it was a big deal."

Without a word, Steve grabbed my hand and pulled me to the Curtis's house. I had to run to keep up to him. His eyes blazed with an anger I had never seen before. He yanked me inside and slammed the door, "tell them, Sophie! Tell them now, or so help me!"

Soda was by Steve in a second, "Steve, relax." He turned toward me and I wanted to disappear into the floor, "you can tell us anything Soph," he spoke so calmly that I almost told him right there.

"Yeah, Soph..." Steve retorted sarcastically, "tell them...or better yet, fuckin' show them!" He grabbed my arm and roughly pushed my sleeve up, "her and Lane made a fuckin' pact to..to." He shoved me away, "what was the pact, Soph? Cut yourselves till you die? Do you any idea how fucked up that is? How stupid? You both are beyond messed up!" Steve was on a roll now. Everything he was saying was right though. Lane and I were so screwed up.

Soda pulled Steve away from me, "let's take walk, Stevie. I get your pissed and scared, but yelling at her ain't helpin' anything!"

Steve shoved Soda away, "fine! But I want some fucking answers when we get back!" He jabbed his finger in my chest. He stormed out the door, with Soda at his heels.

I slid down the wall and pulled my knees up to my chest; trying to make myself look as small as I could. I couldn't look at anyone. I peeked up at Pony. He sat on the couch with a grim look on his face. Darry had put the newspaper down and rubbed his temples. I was relieved that Two-Bit, Dally, and Johnny weren't here, but I was sure they'd find out sooner or later. Finally Darry spoke, "Soph," he knelt beside me, "I'm gonna look at your cuts. Make sure they aren't getting infected."

Trembling, I got to my feet and walked to the couch as Darry got the first aid kit. I continued to stare at the floor. Nobody would want me after this, honestly, I couldn't blame them. I was disgusting, worthless. Steve didn't need this, the gang didn't need this and Lane, sure as hell didn't need this or me. I never shoulda come here. I would of been just fine on my own.