Four Beating Hearts

22 - little big little

A/N: I was super depressed when I wrote this. Not bad, but it's a little sad, apologies. 

Penelope POV

We made it home and all sat down in the living room. All of the women sat on the couch which I thought was weird, but I ignored it and cuddled on mommy's lap.

Mommy wrapped her arms around my body and rocked a little back and forth. "Sweetheart? Do you think you can be big for us? We have some things we need to talk about and I think it would be better if you were big for it." She explained to me.

I thought about it for a minute and I knew I wouldn't be able to do it if I was cuddling with them. "I be small after?" I questioned them.

"Of course baby, you can slip right after our conversation if you want." Mari told me and I nodded before getting out of mommy's lap.

She tried to hold onto me but I shrugged her off and she let go. I just walked into the bathroom and sat down with a little bit of a groan. My breathing was better now, but I was still in quite a bit of pain.

I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths to calm my mind. Opening my eyes I felt big again. I'm getting the hang of going between headspaces and I smile a little at the thought.

I walk out of the bathroom and back to the women. Beth sees me and immediately opens her arms for me and I shake my head before sitting on the floor in front of them.

Beth pouts at that and I chuckle at her. "Beth, you want me big for this conversation right? That means I sit away from you all who make me slip without even trying."

"I know. I just like your cuddles." Beth told us still pouting and Bella and Mari both laughed at her.

"We know. That's why we never get cuddles." Bella told Beth while calming her laughs. Beth just shrugged but I felt my face and emotions drop in sadness. I don't mean to only cuddle with Beth. She's just the one I find the most comfort in.

Mari was the only one that noticed because she looked at me with a furrow in her brow, but she didn't say anything about it. Instead she started talking about what needed to be done. "So the doctors recommend that you don't return to school for at least two months just so you don't get hurt while you're healing. They also suggested home schooling or virtual school since you are tiny you are always going to be a risk for getting hurt."

I nodded, "So I can't go back to school?"

Bella shook her head, "We didn't say that. If you still want to go to school, you will just have to be virtual until then. Or you can be homeschooled and not go back."

I looked at the women unsure of what I should do. "If this helps with your decision at all, I took a look at your credits for graduation. You're eligible to graduate a semester early if you choose to, and you only have to go to school part time."

"I want to finish school in school." I started and they all shared worried expressions. "Why can't I just go back? I'll be more careful. That's the only class I'm required to cross the commons for, I'll be fine." I explained feeling a little upset that I might lose another 'normal' part of my life.

"Sweetie," Beth started and I shook my head. I knew exactly what she was going to say.

I carefully got up and made my way to my bedroom. I sat down in one of the chairs in my room and brought my knees up to my chest. I slowly let the tears flow out. I just wanted to be normal. I love being little, I do, but I want some sense of being capable of myself. Once I turn 18 then I'm out. I have to be prepared for that day to come.

I didn't notice when someone came into the room, but I definitely noticed being picked up. I caught her scent and realized it was Beth. I clung onto her shirt as I sobbed. I don't understand my feelings or my wants, but Beth always calms me.

She sat back down in the chair I was in and held me close to her body as she rubbed my back. Kissing my forehead, she started talking to me. "Baby girl. We aren't trying to punish you in anyway. We are solely telling you what the doctor recommended, and while we may agree with her, we would never force you to do something you don't want to do." Beth explained and I nodded.

Through my sobs, I tried to calm down some to talk to her. "I just don't wanna get use to being cared for when I have to leave when I turn 18." I told her before sobs shook through my body.

I felt her tense at that, "Baby? Why would you have to leave when you're 18?" She asked with concern laced in her tone.

"Cause you aren't responsible for me then. I have to go out on my own." I told her as more tears fell and she quickly positioned me so I was looking at her. I could see her eyes were glossed over as well.

"Baby girl, you never have to leave us if you don't want to. We want you with us as long as you want to be with us. We were never going to make you leave, you're our baby." Beth told me and I leaned forward and set my head in the crook of her neck.

"I'm not too much to handle?" I asked her and I could feel her shake her head no before lifting my head to look at her.

"You are never too much. Do you understand that? We love you and we love taking care of you. You don't have anything to worry about okay?" Bethy planted kisses all over my forehead.

"Do you want to slip baby? You've had a rough day." Bethy told me and I nodded before hesitating.

"Before I do, can I do virtual school? But I want to still go with you and work on it in your office Bethy." I told her the last part quickly and she smiled with a nod.

"That's actually a brilliant idea baby. That way I can still keep an eye on you and we don't run the risk of you being alone at home. I'll talk it over with Bella and Mariana. Now come one, let's get you in a onesie little one." Bethy told me and I smiled as she carried me over to my bed, setting me down on it and going to grab a onesie.

She carefully undressed me before pulling the onesie over my head. She made a little popping noise as my head popped through the hole making me giggle. She quickly did the snaps before lifting me into her arms once more.

"I love you mommy. T'ank you for making me feel better." I told her with a small smile and she kissed my temple.

"Of course baby. I will always do my best to help you. I just need you to tell me when you're struggling so I can, okay?" She asks and I smile while giving her a big nod and cuddling back onto her chest as she carried me downstairs.