Love, Lilly

Sam

Thursday is pretty much the same as Wednesday. Wake up, wish it was the weekend, hurry through breakfast and then to school, pretend Lily and I weren't dating, and that we didn't break up, hang out with Noah, repeat. That is, until the end of the day.

After last period, I get my stuff and meet Noah by his locker. We start walking together, and he starts talking about some project he's working on at home that he can't wait to finish. He can be such a geek sometimes. I swear, he's better friends with Ricky than he is with me.

"Sam, are you even paying attention?" he asks.

"Um, uh, yeah," I say. "The, um, nine-volt battery isn't, um, powerful enough for the amount of, uh, resistors that you need, so you're, um, trying to figure out how to fit another battery, right?"

Noah laughs a little and shakes his head. "Sure, Sam. Sure."

I realize that that's what he was working on yesterday. I feel bad about ignoring him, but I can't bring myself to pay attention.

"Sorry, Noah. What were you saying?" I ask, forcing myself to really listen to him, at least for a few minutes, until we get outside.

"It's fine. I won't bore you anymore," he says with a grin. "I doubt you'd hear a word I was saying," he adds, and I'm about to apologize again when I notice that he's looking at something over my shoulder. I turn and see Lily walking towards us, her long dark hair braided into a crown around her head. We lock eyes and smile at each other, and for a split second everything is the way it should be. Then she looks away and I remember where I am.

Lily, Noah, and I usually walk together at the end of the day, with poor Noah having to make awkward conversation while Lily and I try to pretend nothing is wrong. But today, she keeps walking past us, her expression icy and aloof.

"Lily!" I call out, before I can stop myself. I can't let her walk by like that, especially since I know she's seen me. For some reason, it feels like if I lose these awkward few minutes with her today, I'll lose her forever. She turns.

"What?" she asks, her voice cold. I just stand there, feeling empty. Empty of words, empty of the will to say them. I stay, rooted to the floor. Fixated on Lily's face.

She looks like an ice queen, beautiful yet unreachable. No, that's not right. She looks like a high school queen. A mean girl. My Lily... I don't say anything. How can I?

Lily shakes her head, sneering. "I thought so. Look, Sam, I'm tired of you tagging along like somebody's younger sister. I don't want to hang out with you, all right? It's lame. You're lame. I have much better things to do with my time than pretend to enjoy your company." She turns and stalks off.

The breakup, the awkward fake friendship... they were all awful. I've been strained, stretched almost to the breaking point. This was the last straw. I feel something snap.

My eyes burn with tears, but I can hardly feel it over the ach in my chest and stomach. Is this what it feels like to have your heart broken? To have everything that's ever meant anything ripped away from you by someone you trusted, someone you loved? Because I can't love Lily any more. And that hurts most of all.