Love, Lilly

Sam

"I can't believe she said that," Noah breathes, shocked, but I'm already running down the long school hallway, tears streaming down my face as my backpack bangs against me. I wipe furiously at my cheeks, but the tears keep coming. My hands are sticky with salt water and keep getting stuck in my hair, and I can hardly breath between the crying and the running and the pain in my chest where my heart used to be. I'm too upset to even feel embarrassed, despite the fact that I'm crying in front of what seems like half of Windsor High.

I leave the building and keep running. I don't go to the left, where the carpool line is; I can't face my mom like this. Instead, I turn right, not even paying attention to where I'm going, letting my feet carry me. I collapse to the ground next to the blacktop, leaning against a huge oak tree, my backpack squished between me and the trunk. There are some kids playing a pickup game, but they're just blurry shapes. As I bury my face in my hands, my whole body shaking with loud sobs, all I can think is how will I live without her? And how can I even look at her, now?

There are footsteps, and I feel somebody drop down to the ground next to me. I'm not usually super cool with random people sitting next to me, and I'm a wreck right now, but at this point I can't even bring myself to care.

"Hey," a voice says, and I feel a huge rush of relief. "I'm here. I'm not going to tell you it's okay, because it's clearly not, but I'm here."

I choke out a sob and turn, burying my head in Noah's shoulder, letting the familiar scent of chocolate chip cookies and stale deodorant envelope me. Noah and I have been friends since third grade, but we'd gotten a lot closer in eighth grade when I came out to him. Then, last year, his parents got divorced, and our roles were reversed: I comforted him, instead of the other way around.

Noah and Lily knew me the best. I think that's why this hurts so much. Not only did I love Lily, I trusted her. But Noah is always there. In fifth grade, at the peak of our dramatic imagination years, we swore a blood oath. We actually cut our palms, pressed the cuts together and vowed to protect each other with our lives. Obviously, there weren't really pirates or anything to fight against, but every time I feel alone, I look at my scar and remember that there's always someone there for me.

In seventh grade, when people started dating, Noah and this other boy, Zaki, got into a fistfight - over Lily. I went to the ER with Noah, and I held his hand while he cried after they set his nose. He told me afterwards it was because he knew I wouldn't tease him for it.

It turned out Lily didn't even like either of them. She had just figured out that she was lesbian, and dating was not her first priority in any way - and certainly not with boys. The day after the fight, Lily apologized to Noah through me. That was the beginning of our friendship.

At the end of the school year, Lily came out. She told us first, and said she had waited because it would "give people the whole summer to get over themselves". The three of us were inseparable by then. So Noah got over his crush for her, and I fell in love.

I came out to Noah first. When I told Lily, she kissed me full on the mouth. That was at the end of eighth grade. And now, here I am, back where I started. Crying into Noah's shoulder because he's the only person I can trust. At least I still have someone.