The Mars Experience

Chapter 18: Donna's POV

I haven't been speaking, but, luckily, I don't think anyone's noticing. Maybe Bree, but it's impossible to tell. My thoughts are so all over the place, I can't even focus on one for more than a few seconds. Conner would have noticed my reticence. It's not about him, though. It's about the kid. What an idiotic idea! How can they think we can take care of a baby and be fugitives?

We're supposed to try to help people. That's what humans stand for, at least most of the time. But we're also not supposed to make downright suicidal decisions. I'm sorry, but it's true. The worst part is I can't even say anything. They'll think I'm mourning Conner.

I am mourning him. He hasn't left my mind since that dreaded day. But I'm also trying not to get us killed, and Emma lacks the common sense for that. Yeah, she's sweet and positive, but she doesn't even know stuff about the real world. She's dangerously optimistic and far too naive.

Nobody can argue. Talk a little kid into leaving a baby behind to die? I've come to the conclusion that it's impossible to debate with those taking the high road.

"How you holding up, kiddo?" asks Brianna. She's trying to sound casual about it, but I know her. I know she's concerned, and, to be honest, it makes me feel good. At least one person cares about me. We've thrown our lives away for Athena, I've lost Conner for Athena, and for some reason, they see me as this weeping widow.

"Oh, I'm all right." I try to sound aloof. She eyes me up and down.

Her glance alone speaks a thousand words. She doesn't believe me. My eyes starting to water doesn't exactly back up my point. For a split second, I catch her in a brief laugh, cocky and taunting. Not a moment later, her eyes make a realization that she should probably console me, and tries to pat my head. She looks at me like a lost puppy. I roll my eyes at her, blink back my tears, and fasten my pace. I don't turn around and she doesn't try to catch up to me.

Instead, it's Athena that jogs over to my side. I'm in front of the group with Jedrek, since we're still neck and neck over who gets control. If I'm not mistaken, she was way in the back so she, with her non-existent endurance and all, must have worked hard to catch up with me. In light of that, I choose to plaster on a muster and give her my full attention. "How are you?" I ask.

"Was just about to ask you the same thing..." she responds with a pitiful smile. Again, the puppy-eye look.

"I'm fine."

"You're clearly not fine. You shouldn't lie to yourself about this stuff, Donna. My mom always told me my dad had a motto: Those who mourn are not weak, they felt true love at least once in their life, a strength that will carry on with them until the end of time. She said he had that tattooed on his head, then let his hair grow out, just so he'd know it's there."

Okay. It's a cheesy motto. But, I guess it helps a little. Sweet, innocent, weak Athena deserves a bit better than a snarky comment. I'm still mad at her, but she's trying her best. I put on another fake smile for my crowd. "Thanks."

She, however, responds with a very real smile. "You're welcome."

Athena falls back, extremely out of breath, and I return my priorities to being faster than Jedrek by a nose.

"All right, guys, gather 'round," Jedrek bosses.

"We just stopped," whines Brianna. Athena doesn't seem to mind stopping, though.

"I give the orders around here, Jedrek. We're going." Athena looks miserable. Jedrek can tell and she knows it.

"Do you? Because just a day ago you were too sad about Conner's death to even think."

He's gone too far. "That's it!" I yell, proceeding to charge at him. Bree, Hugo, and Emma all hold my arms back. Meanwhile, Jedrek just stands in front of me, as if I wouldn't hit him if I could without kicking everyone else.

Bree grunts as she tries to hold me back. I'm a lot stronger than she is. "You know, Donna, we're on the same team! We won't get anywhere if you keep up these petty fights with Jedrek."

For once, she didn't sound ironic, sarcastic, or whiny. I ease down. Then, Bree focuses her attention on Jedrek. "We're a team. We've suffered loss, and you heartless human being may not be affected by it, but Donna is. And you're using it as a reason to be a jerk. Do better." Jedrek doesn't react or respond, just keeps walking.

When Jedrek notices I'm not following, he takes a step behind me. "Well?" He indicates for me to stay in front. I raise my chin, straighten my back, and strut with pride.

After our meal, Jedrek shakes the cans. "Looks like we're out, except for Hugo's protein bars."

"We should try to ration those," Athena reasons.

"That's what we already did with the food," Jedrek mutters. One notable aspect about him is that he's basically addicted to food. Not in a human way. He tried to gain weight and build muscle a couple years back, and now his body requires an insane amount to keep himself energized. I'll try to spare him extra rations in secret.

"Look, we all knew this was gonna happen eventually. We left most of our food in our suitcases," I explain. Jedrek pouts at me. "Let's just try to move, and forget about it."

I can tell no one is happy with my decision, but it's my decision and, as the leader, I have the final word. "Donna, what about Apollo?" Emma asks.

My eyes focus on the squirming baby resting in Athena's arms. I can't help but notice how pale he's become. "It was your idea to take him. You knew he was going to be in danger when you signed him up for this. He'll ration like the rest of us."

Emma glares at me. I'm not mad or surprised by her stink eye. I'm acting horribly, but I just got my spot in command back and need to take it seriously. I can't afford to make any mistakes. "I'm sorry." I sound cocky and stuck-up. Emma knows I don't mean my apology. "I really am."

"Out of all the people here, I never thought you'd be the one to risk a life for your own." Her face is tight as she walks away from me and to Athena, who is sitting criss-cross with Apollo on her lap. Even from a distance, out of the corner of my eye, I can spot Emma taking Apollo into her arms and shushing him, allowing for Athena to stand up. The baby continues to cry in her arms, and Hugo runs over to give Apollo his finger to suck on. Emma looks back at me once more, Hugo awkwardly at his side, not angry, but disappointed.

"Hey, what's that?" Hugo takes his finger out of Apollo's mouth to point to what seems to be like a portable building of the TTSICA.