The Boy Next Door

Chapter Twelve

As the clouds turned black and the rain started to pour, I stayed on the rubberized tire, clinging to the metal chains. I was numb, as if the rain was avoiding me, and why shouldn't it? Why should it waste its precious tiny droplets on me, the waste of space I was? No matter how much I wanted people to see me, my efforts were pointless. No one cared where I was. I could disappear, and no one would notice. I could scream from the top of my voice and still stay unheard.

For so many years, I'd had all this pressure to be someone I'm not, and what for? Regardless, I was still sitting in an isolated park alone, becoming a smear of tears and rain. I wished I could go back to the start and change every path I had chosen and every friend I had made. I knew who I needed to avoid now, yet it was too late.

I had scarred my reputation, and one word from Lauren about it would surely destroy any hope I had for prom, a good summer, and a fresh start in sixth form. I could only hope she didn't know half as many people as she made out, as I was bound to go to university with at least one of them.

The only idea I had was to run. To run and turn my back on everyone I loved. To choose between being alone or being miserable. Where would I go? Would Mum, Dad, and Zoe miss me? Would Lauren be sorry for saying such damaging words, words she couldn't take back, and what about Olly? Would he take her to prom? That's what she wanted and why she was so mad at me. She was jealous, her biggest trigger to becoming the bitch she could be.

I shivered as the rain soaked me. My hands were cold, and puddles filled my shoes. I didn't know what time it was or how long I had sat there. But I did know that I wanted to see Olly, and without him, I felt hollow.

Since meeting him, I confronted my feelings and experienced things I never had. My heart ached heavily like never before, and I thought about him when I wasn't with him. When Olly walked away, I watched him until he was out of sight, hoping he would return, yet he didn't see how much I needed him, and I wasn't aware either. I missed him, and he was the only one who could make everything okay. How could this have happened? I didn't know him, yet I felt like I couldn't live without him. If only I knew he thought the same, but he didn't; he was way out of my league. The truth brought me to the conclusion I needed; I might as well not be here.

After struggling to loosen my grip from the cold bars in which the rust had stained my palms, I slowly swung towards my school bag, picked it up onto my lap, and opened the zip. I took out the packet of sleeping pills and opened the child lock. The sound of Lauren saying, "You might as well not be here," repeated in my mind as I apprehensively tipped the entire contents into my palm.

Bringing it towards my lips, I put them in my mouth, crunched down on them, and then reopened my bag to reveal a bottle of vodka I had sneaked from my dad's cabinet. Opening the cap, I sniffed the liquid, which I hoped didn't taste as bad as I expected. As my hands shook uncontrollably, I then tipped it towards my mouth.

The first sip was the first swig of alcohol I had ever tasted, and instead of being at a party with my friends, I was praying it would send me to sleep. I wanted to escape from the nightmare of being a teenager, the struggles of being bullied by my best friend, and being invisible to everyone else.

The liquor burned my throat as I took larger sips, gagging on the tablets as they made their way into my empty stomach. Tears streamed down my face as my reckless decision took control of me. Every hateful word I had experienced intruded on my broken mind. The more alcohol I consumed, the drowsier I felt; I was now warm despite the rain covering me. My tired body swayed on the swing as it became light, and my vision blurred. The next minute I felt my head hit the floor.