Can't get you off my mind [Zarry]-English Translation

#When i left

A couple of months have passed now since i left the band.

At first any of the boys reacted well, and i'll admit that seeing them like that made me doubt of my decision.
I still remember Harry's face when i announced it. He was broken, not only because i kept this for myself but also because he didn't seem to expect it...

a few months before

"Zayn if this is a joke, it's not funny" i noticed Niall's eyes becoming shiny as he talked to me

"Are you sure you wanna leave? Have you thought of what the fans will say? And what are you planning to do then?" Louis was frenetically smoking a cigarette while his lips were shacking.
I really hoped he wasn't going to cry.

I sighed and i looked down while i leant against the desk in the studio. We just finished reharsals for the concert, my last as a band member. I felt bad but what was i supposed to do?

"i know i caught you off guard" i whishpered while i kept looking at my shoes
"i tried to grit my teeth and hold on for as long as i could for you, but now i crossed the line"

I felt my eyes getting wetter while i was thinking of all the things i've done during those years without giving my best because i had to follow the boys and the rules the management forced us to follow.

An arm girded my hip while the sweet parfume of the boy, of whom, by now, i perfectly knew every piece of skin, inebriated my nostrils

"I want... We want you to be happy, babe"

Liam was sitting on the desk and while he was talking he took me by the hip and kept me tight between his legs

"If leaving the band will make you feel even just a bit better, we will be able to accept it day by day" he rested his chin on my shoulder and left a soft kiss on my neck

I closed my eyes and felt a chill through my back while the guy sitting behind me was pressing his wet and full lips right under my ear. He understood how much i was tensed and he also knew how to make me relax.

The other lads were used to our intimacy and we were used to Louis' attentions on Harry as well

"Bullshits"

I opened my eyes and looked at Harry. Those words came from his lips, as cold as full of... disregard?

"Harry..." I tried to talk but i felt my blood getting cold when he put his eyes on me...
They got lighter and full of tears, that had already soak his red cheeks and that didn't seem to stop their run on his skin

"No, Zayn" he got up from the chair were he stood until now and fastly walked towards me. Louis instantly got up to stop his boyfriend, in case he had decided to hit me, and that seemed pretty obvious to me.

"I don't care if you didn't know how to put this all up"

I heard his heavy breath, his lips were shaking while he was licking them to gather the tears that got after his cheecks and were going straight forward his neck, and then they disappeared under his shirt.

"We always told each other everything, why not this time?"

His voice cracked because of the tears and his eyes got so light that they could be confused with the tears

"Why have you decided to deal with this alone? You could have talked to me instead of isolate in your room, drawing til late, and not eating"

I smiled, getting where he was going with his speech

"Why didn't you let me take part of your grief?"

The room fell silent

How could i tell him that i wanted to protect him because i knew how much he would have suffered if i'd opened up with him?