Can't get you off my mind [Zarry]-English Translation

#NeverNot

Harry's PoV

Liam came near me with the puppy in his arms, asking where Zayn was

I kept staring at the little dog while telling him i saw Zayn getting upstairs.

When he started going towards the stairs i instinctively followed him and felt my heart fastening its beats while imagining the reaction of the one that, by now, i considered my boyfriend, when he would see the surprise

Suddenly, i was scared of loosing him, or that anyway that present would block Zayn from talking about us

We smelled a weird smell at the entrance of the upper floor, and right after Liam started quickly going to what i remembered was Zayn's studio.

When he opened the door we found ourselves in front of a pitiful scene

He was laying on the leather couch in front of the window with his head hanging on the armrest while he was focused on observing the sky outside

The room was filled with an unmistakeble smell, and despite the open window, smoke could still be seen around the guy's relaxed body.

He must have noticed our presence because he turned his face in our direction and then quickly got up while trying to make the cloud of smoke in front of his face go away after getting the last shot of the shit he had in his hands.

Liam tightened his jaw and i put a hand on his shoulder to pull him on me in case he wanted to make a bold move

"Hey" that sound weakly came out from the guy's mouth
"Who's the little boy?" He raised a finger, pointing at the puppy

"You swore there wasn't any left"

Liam's voice spread in the room and right after a dead silence fell.

"I'm so stupid, thinking about surprising you while you don't care about anything but yourself" He raised his voice while pronouncing the last words and Zayn winced.

"Lee, i-" He tried to get up but immediatey fell on the couch

"Fuck you, Zayn"

He left the puppy in my arms before getting out of the room, slamming the door

"Harry..." He pronounced my name in a weak way too, almost like a help request, and i couldn't do anything but come close to him.

"You stink like shit, Zayn"

Zayn's PoV

The curlie didn't even look me in the face while saying those words filled with disappointment.

He came near me and put that little dog on my lap.

I raised my face towards him with an interrogative look

"He knows how much Boris was important to you and he wanted to surprise you, but apparently you've preceeded him"

I could only read anger and delusion in his eyes, but i couldn't understand why.

I smiled and said something i instantly regretted, but weed was still in my head.

"What's the matter? Why are you making this face? Are you jealous?"

His face changed again, and now it looked sad too.

"Jealous?" He spilled that question almost screaming, but he probably held it to not be heard by the others.

"Do you realize you ruined everything? Again?" He gave me a cold look while he kept talking

"First you tell me you would talk to him today, that you've finally convinced yourself, and now what? You close yourself in your room like a teenager smoking weed?"

I saw his eyes sparkling and his breath was irregular.

I started feeling guilty.

"Harry, i-"

Harry's PoV

He once again had that sad puppy look, like he was the only one hurting here.

How could he make irony and sarcasm even in such a delicate situation?

I sighed and put my hands on my face before placing them on my hair

"You, you, you! We always talk about you! You think leaving Louis a couple of days before moving somewhere with him was easy for me?! You're not the only one suffering here Zayn. Try to grow up and take your responsabilities! For how long do i have to keep looking at you with a knife in my stomach everytime Liam kisses you, hugs you, touches you, surprises you! He even got you a ring now! How do you think you'll get out of this?!"

I realized i started screaming and i saw him jumping with an incredulous look.

I was tired of the idea that he wasn't mine and that i had to keep myself from even hugging him, to not let them realize our feelings.

I felt tears on my cheeks without remembering i started to cry.

I felt on the edge and like going crazy everytime he waisted a chance to talk to Liam.

Louis had understood what was happening by now, he was only waiting for my confirm, that was always delayed because it would have been even more difficult to hide it from Liam that way.

I felt extremely guilty also to him. I knew he loved me and how much he was hurting, i could read it in his eyes, but what he felt for me may have made him stand this situation.

"You have to grow up Zayn" i said, sniffing "more people are hurting and i can't wait anymore. If you won't talk to him, i'll do it, but don't expect me to come to you then, because it looks like you don't care at all if you act like this"

He got up, leaving the puppy on the couch, and came near me, cupping my face.

I kept my eyes down. I didn't wanna meet his eyes.

"P-Please, give me just some other day. I promise that if by the end of the week i won't have done anything, you'll be able to do whatever you want. I love you Harry, more than anyone in the world, and i can't imagine my life without you. I could never do anything to make you suffer, and you can't imagine how bad i feel for putting you in this situation"

He put his forehead on mine and started caressing my cheeks with his thumbs while saying those things.

When he said that "I love you" I felt the lump in my throat loosing.
I felt those emotions coming into me like a swollen river for how strong they were.

He was shacking like a leaf and i knew he was scared of loosing me.

That was impossible, he would never loose me, but i decided to be selfish for a moment by not telling him to calm down or that he wasn't going to loose me.

"I love you too Zay" I whishpered those words and stared at him in the eyes.

The kiss we shared was the most beautiful ever.

It was filled with feelings, and the words we told each other were nothing compared to it.

What we had went beyond love.

*For as long as i live

For as long as i loveI will never not think about you

For the moment i loved

I knew you were the oneAnd no matter whatever i doI will never not think about you*

*Never not- Lauv