Undercover

Chapter 12

CHAPTER 12

I just laid there, on my bed, staring up at the ceiling, I was doing that a lot lately when I wanted to think, which was a lot. "I love you", those were the three words that came out of Kaleb's mouth, and now they were haunting me. We practically broke off what we had because he said that he didn't want any feeling involved, and now he loves me, I let out a humorous laugh and then it just turns into one long spell of laughing, and a tear escaped.

Flashback

I woke up, and Kaleb wasn't there, I had just assumed he left because he didn't want me to get into trouble with my parents, but that's when I saw a piece of paper taped to my dresser mirror with my name written in big bold letters in Kaleb's handwriting. I was smiling at the fact that he thought he would need to leave me a note even though we would see each other later, but that wasn't the fact. 'Dear J, I don't think we can be together anymore, I'm not really the relationship type, my parents and don't even have a good relationship, and I don't think I can put myself in a position where I can love you whole heartily without bringing you down because me and relationships don't really do well. What we had was great, but you should find someone who can give you what you want", and before I knew it, the tears that were building up in the corner of my eyes started to fall one by one.

Honestly I didn't need him to love me, that was a big commitment, love, people used it all the time saying they love their boyfriends and girlfriends, and their best friends, but for me I didn't want to say that four letter word until I really meant it, it may sound stupid, but that's how it was for me. I needed Kaleb to just be there for me, listen to me and we'd gradually build up on our feelings, because mine for him were growing, I just didn't know he didn't entirely feel the same way. I ripped up the letter and threw it away, when I got to school today, me and him were going to have it out. I know Kaleb never actually got to school on time, but my anxiety go the best of me and I was there forty-five minutes before first period. The entire day I looked for Kaleb, and he was nowhere to be seen.

Day after day for that entire week I waited for Kaleb, and he didn't show, "that motherfucker", I hissed to myself. Friday morning at lunch when I realized that this was the last day of the week and no Kaleb. I was really pissed, pissed because Kaleb didn't show for the entire week, and because I had no one to talk to about it, my friends didn't know about us and neither did my sister, so I was basically a moody bitch for the second half of the week. Kaleb taking the easy way out and not confronting me was probably a good thing though because if he was going to be a coward and not face me meant that he was immature and not ready for a relationship. I continued telling myself that line to convince myself that it was in our best interests that we broke up, but deep down inside I really wanted to kiss and hug him and tell him all my secrets.

The next Monday he did come to school, but he ignored me, he didn't even hang out with our friends he always had somewhere to go or somewhere to be. I gave up on him after a while, before giving chance after chance to approach me and be a man, but he didn't, instead Matty came into the picture and he asked me out, I was hesitant at first, but I gave in after three weeks. I wasn't using him as a backup for Kaleb, he was nice and gentlemanly, he made me laugh and treated me right, which is why we kept our relationship going for a long while, we took it really slow because I didn't want to get disappointed again.

When Matty and I started dating, Kaleb came back into our friend group, he didn't talk to me as much, but he did occasionally. It was like he was waiting for me to get into another relationship so that we won't have to get intimately involved with each other, and that was a real dick move on his part. I was relieved that I didn't have to be too involved with him, his childish behavior was off-putting to me. What really pissed me off was the fact that he and my sister were becoming close, they would go places together and miss classes, but I didn't have to time to be sad I was going to live my life on my terms and not give a crap about that douchebag.

End offlashback.