Undercover

Chapter 21

One week later

I was not ready, I was not ready to give Kaleb away, to bury him in the cold hard ground where he won't be able to see the light of day. I stood there in front of my mirror looking at my haggard face that make-up couldn't even conceal. I was wearing a black dress and black flats to match. "Jess honey, it's time to go, we don't want to be late", my mother said through the door as she knocked gently. I wished we didn't even have to go Kaleb funeral, but here we were worried about being late. I looked at myself in the mirror one more time, sighed and left for the dreaded funeral

There were a lot of people there, people from school, like teachers and students, I even saw Cory and Brandon, who I'm guessing were undercover too. My eyes met with the memorial photos that were up on the alter where the coffin was, he was smiling of course, with  his teeth and smiling eyes, what I would give to see him do that one more time. A few minutes later, the priest came to the front and started his memorial speech for the funeral.

Now it was time to view the body, but I didn't think I had it in me to see his lifeless body just lying there, when I know he wasn't going to smile that stupid smile at me or comment some stupid remark at me. Before I knew it, the tears were coming, hot and fresh, not that they'd even stop since I started at the beginning of the service. Before the viewing of the body, there was a board with all the pictures of him and his friends and people he knew. I was searching for the picture of me and him, it took me a while, but there we were, in a picture I had never seen before or remember taking. "That was when you guys were on your fourth date, he said he was taking a video, but really it was a picture", a voice form behind me said, it was his mother.

He really loved you, you know, he would come home and tell us all about you, how you guys knew each other inside out, how if you guys switched bodies none would know because you knew each other so well, but one day it all changed, he always came home gloomy after that, it didn't help that we weren't home a lot after the fact either, we spent so much time away, we didn't have time for our baby boy, and now we'll never get to see him again", Mrs. Anderson said, but soon after, she was breaking down in tears, I held onto her and carried her to a seat. "Are you alright to see the body Mrs. Anderson", I asked her stroking her back, "I don't think I can Jess, I want to remember him how he was in my mind when I last saw him, smiling". I understood her, and to be honest I wanted to remember him how I last saw him smiling, but the last time I saw him, he was bloody and bruised and that hurt to remember, but at least I had the photos of us from our date.

I looked at the pictures from afar, not understanding why they placed the photos before the coffin, because we would have seen him alive smiling in the pictures before, but then we would see him dead in a coffin after, but if we put the coffin first we would have to be reminded that he was alive once and we would never get to see him again. So, I guess no matter which order we put it in, we would still feel sad the same way, either way.

I guess the sky was feeling the same way we were feeling, because by the time we were ready to bury his body, the rain started to pour. It didn't bother me, the rain I mean, I would feel the rain for both of us, and although the tears were mixed with the rain, I could feel and taste the saltiness of my tears.

After the funeral was over, I stayed back a little to look at his grave, I don't know why but I felt like I had to, I knelt down in front of the head stone, and touched it with the tip of my fingers, and smiled. I didn't even realize I was smiling. "You know Kaleb, I didn't even get o tell you I loved you back, and I wouldn't even tell just anybody I loved them", I whispered as if he was really there. I looked at the freshly dug grave for a little more then got up to leave, and right before I was out of range of the grave site, whispered I love you and smiled, hoping that he had heard ne wherever he was.