your journal | dnf✔️

two

hi, journal.

it's monday morning, i've just gotten into school. you know, the classes. i'm writing right now cause me and clay are in the same class and got paired for a group with 2 others.
he's been trying to conversate with me the entire time and is obviously taking interest in what i'm writing. little does he know it's about him. anyways it's extremely awkward and i don't know what to do.
praying that like one of the groupmates picks up on him slacking off and ridicules him but that isn't going to happen, considering everybody in my group are absolute idiots.

he just tried peering over my shoulder, obviously i didn't let him.

okay. i'm going to take a moment to rant about him since this is kind of what this journal is for

his stupid charm wins my heart, that he's such a goof and seems to get along so well with everyone despite the fact that he's the 'new kid'. girls like him but he doesn't care. clay is so handsome if i'm being blunt. everything from the way that he walks to the small freckles dusted on his arms make me wish he was mine.
then again i tend to think that it's just a passing crush, and surely i don't like guys. but it's been like a month since school started and yeah, only a day since i started this journal, but it isn't passing and it's frustrating me.
love is difficult dude.
i seem to have internalized homophobia that i don't want and can't get rid of.
at this point i'm hoping clay and this journal will help.

okay i'm back. it's like lunch and this guy wants to SIT NEXT TO ME, i shit you not.
like my guy, you have all the ladies you want and you're like 'aha lemme sit next to this guy who secretly loves me so he has a panic attack!'
well anyways i think this is a win for me.
or is it?
honestly no clue.

yours,
george.