your journal | dnf✔️

eleven

hi, journal.

tonight was definitely something. this definitely isn't a regular friendship, i think it's getting clearer for me.
let me address the elephant in the room.
he kissed me.
yeah.
straight up grabbed my face and kissed me. (yes, on the lips.) and asked if that was okay afterwards. i mean i said yes, for godsake i was on cloud nine.
but i can't help but wonder, will i ask him out or will he get to that before me? we'll have to see what these next days will be like. i'm terrified and excited. oh my god, it's making me overthink so much. we finally exchanged numbers as well. so he's been texting me quite a bit, and obviously i don't mind.
i'm starting to feel a little better about all this love stuff, but sometimes i can't help but wonder, what if he just leaves? like just dips and i never see him again?
and then my mind will go to places where me and him are sitting by the fireplace in our own home reading through this journal that i have and laughing at it.
but fantasies are for another day. time to focus on real life and the fact that i should really make a move soon. hopefully i'll get the guts. or maybe he will. i wish he'll make a move instead, if i do it'll very awkward.

i know i just disregarded my fantasies but i want to explain what i yearn.
what i want is to wake up in soft sheets, a large bed and a nice room. next to me is a boy with dirty blond hair, such a beautifully shaped body, gorgeous eyes, cute freckles, a contagious and euphoric laugh, a smile to never forget, and a personality besting any other. we could spend our days cuddling, spend them petting and catering to our animals, playing our favourite games, watching our favourite movies and shows. someone to call my own.
dream to call my own.
that is what i want.
i doubt i'll ever get that but i have hope built up.

yours,
george.