your journal | dnf✔️

eight

hi, journal
dream's getting my hopes up too high and it's actually killing me.
he says such sweet things unconsciously although i always keep coming the conclusion that he's joking.
but who knows with him?
he's both the easiest to read and hardest to at the same time. i'm not sure whether he's messing with me on purpose or is just being him. this world isn't fair, i'm reminded however i already know that. although i am getting better at coming to terms with it, i know it's only been about a week since i started this journal, but i think it's doing great.
i mean this whole week has been filled with me arguing with myself, and i'm figuring it out.

you know i kind of feel like a main character who doesn't want to be one. like, i would rather sit on the sidelines rather than this feeling. like a side character who is only there for plot convenience. no love interest, no worries, nothing. it'd be great.
i'm sure i'm not the only person feeling like this.

okay, anyways, i want to invite dream to something. (why have i adapted to the dream name so easily) maybe like going to a cafe and it'd kind of be like a 'date' but i won't say that.
recently he's been a lot more affectionate and i'm running off of (probably) false hope.

lets watch it all crash down because this is a terrible idea but i'm doing it anyways. i've had enough right now of fretting and stressing. i want to make a big move, maybe i'll feel better after.
and if that doesn't go good, maybe i can just ignore the crush and feelings. wouldn't be too hard.

but it kind of would be, considering our friendship now.

well fuck.

yours,
george.