your journal | dnf✔️

seven

hi, journal.

so yeah. he knows the journal exists but doesn't know what it's about really.
we'll keep it that way.

so recently i've really been thinking.
why waste a shot? that's my main thought.
i've been backpedaling and then going back to it all night, but i think i know what to do.
what i'm trying to say is, i think i want to ask him out or something soon.
or at least drop hints.
the thing is is that i'm this scrawny little guy who's very socially awkward and i don't know if i can do that without having a panic attack. but we'll see.
he's been subtly flirting with me too, every once in a while but i don't know if thats just his personality or not. it gives me false hope, he tends to undo whatever he did to my heart by saying "no homo."
it drives me off of the edge with so many feelings. i know he doesn't mean it but it wrecks me in the inside.
if only he could see what he's doing to be by simply existing.

i wonder how he is.
you know, what's going on with him and how he's doing. like, i want to know him.
to the point where if he quizzed me on himself i would know. well, it sounds weird but i want to know all i can, listen to every story he has to tell, hear about all his favourite games and interests and care. people often pretend to care when others open up, and i tend to do this but i think it's definitely different with dream.

i hate love.

but i also don't.

yours,
george.