The Sinclair Sisters

A promise kept

St Petersburg, Florida
September 2008

Violet

Over the last few months, I've been struggling with a concept not entirely unusual for someone in my position - depression.

You would think, after all the shit I've been through, depression would be something I'm used to. Turns out, it took three dead girls before I snapped.

You heard that right. Three dead girls.

Since Zephyr, he had brought in three other girls from other parts of the world. The longest survivor, Winter, stayed for fifteen days before passing away. The shortest died hours after the experiment.

All their deaths made me feel worthless. It was my job to welcome these girls, give them a small semblance of normalcy, to be their father, mother, sister, brother and friend all in one yet I couldn't keep them alive for more than a few days.

I wasn't the only one going crazy; he was mad with grief, or whatever it is mad psychopaths feel after their experiments die.

He had been lashing out more, losing his temper over the tiniest details, and after a day of hard work, he had at least one of us to sate his desire before another day of torment.

I was exhausted. I know I should have taken care of the girls, and comforted them when he was being rough but I could not for the life of me snap out of my funk. It was slowly dawning on me that he could shoot any one of us in the head and I couldn't do shit about it.

How could I? I was thirteen for God's sake, I shouldn't be dealing with this. I shouldn't be robbing stores and museums, or practicing how to use a gun with the ease of a trained assassin. But here I was, doing just that with seven other girls in my care. I was losing my damn mind.

I was slowly giving in. I was tired and I just wanted it to end - any way possible.

One fine morning, he brought two more girls.

I honestly had to hold back a laugh when I saw the girls. Winter was six when she came in, and she had died - these new girls couldn't have been older than five.

If I was losing my mind, he had no hope of finding his (if he ever had one to begin with).

I couldn't sit around and wait for them to die as well, so three days after they were brought in, I snuck out of the bunker and into the kitchen. There were many things to take a person's life there, more for someone who was part cat.

As I sat there staring at the cup of chocolate, laced with Tylenol, in my hands, my thirteen years of living passed through my mind. Nothing. I had done nothing of any value whatsoever while I was alive. I couldn't even be a good sister. I had been more docile the days prior; never fighting with him, taking whatever shit he wanted to give me. It was time to call it quits - Abhinandana Mahadevan was done.

Just as I was about to drink the cup of chocolate, someone snatched it from my hands. I was surprised to see Jodi and Koby and frowned was I realised they'd stopped me. "Give me the cup Jordan."

With a determined gleam in her eyes, Jodi marched to the sink and poured the entire thing away. "No."

"This isn't funny," I gritted. "Just leave me alone."

"So you can kill yourself?" The anguish in Koby's tone almost slapped my sister instincts back in place. "Vi, we're family, you know we're not gonna let you do this."

"We get that you've been down lately-" I cut off Jodi with a sardonic laugh. She didn't know the half of it.

"Down? I let three girls die and you think I'm down? You don't get shit so please just leave me the fuck alone."

"Please Violet we're begging you," Koby said. "Who's going to take care of the girls? You can't just end it like that, we need you here."

"This isn't you," Jodi said, her voice sharp as steel. "Violet Sinclair does not quit. The girls dying, that wasn't your fault, and while we can't guarantee these ones will live, that's never stopped you from fighting anyway. You gave us hope when we first got here, hope and a home, as dysfunctional as it might be. You still give hope and those girls down there, they need that hope more than ever because they don't have anyone."

"We need you," Koby said. "Please don't do this."

I kept quiet. I had no idea this was how the girls felt about me and slowly, my sister instincts rose again.

"How old?" I asked.

"Four." Jodi answered. "Sarwendah turned four in May, Kasmitha in June."

Four. Only a year older than I was when I first came in. That, that slapped my sister instincts back in place.

I stood up and took the cup from Jodi. After washing and erasing all evidence of our presence, we went back downstairs.

Kasmitha was awake, colouring a book with Vannah.

"Are you okay?" Vannah asked. I thought it over.

"No," I finally answered. "But I will be. They need names."

"I was thinking Sky," Koby said.

Jodi rolled her eyes. "You only want to call her that because you think Sky in your class is cute."

Even with her dark skin, I knew Koby was blushing. "I do not," she said indignantly.

"Why don't we let Violet decide," Vannah said with an eye roll.

I looked at our latest newcomers. Sarwendah was a cute little thing with the most adorable nose that scrunched a little as she slept, while Kasmitha was a pale beauty with big curious eyes. She was definitely going to break hearts with that expression.

But tonight was a serious night. It was the night I realised ending it was never an option, I had to move forward. Depression could go find some other person to bother, but not me. I made a promise to myself and I almost broke it; it wasn't happening again and these girls were like a reminder.

"November for Sarwendah," I said. "And Shannon for Kasmitha."

Vannah tilted her head. "Why?"

"You first came in November 2005," I said simply. "And I swore to myself that night I would never leave you girls alone.

"The person before me, the first experiment, was a guy whose name was Shannon. Technically, it was his mother's, but he changed his name and never told me the real one. He was the one who told me about the changing your name thing."

"What happened to Shannon?" Koby asked quietly.

"He died," I said without further explanation. There would be a time I spoke about Shannon; tonight was not it

The girls saw my reluctance to talk about Shannon, but made no mention of it.

"I'm sorry I almost broke my promise," I said softly as I caressed Shannon's hair. "It won't happen again."

Beside me, Koby rested her head on my left shoulder as Jodi patted the right. "You're forgiven."

As if she understood what I was referring to, Shannon smiled and patted my knee.

I smiled back. My girls.

Author's note:

I know, I know, it's late and you all think I'm a horrible person for leaving you hanging. I wish I had a better excuse but all I can say is, two words - writer's block. Luckily, my writing juices are flowing again, so enjoy another piece of the Sinclairs' lives. Till next time!