Orangutangents

Brian's Teflon Roof

The official description for the state of the top of my noggin is apparently 'male pattern baldness'. Now while agree with the male bit (just checked, and George and the twins are still intact), and the baldness bit, I really do think pattern is stretching the bounds of credulity a little here. I'm not expecting a delicate paisley, or mandlebrot, or even a Rorschach plot of a rabbit (from a distance it looks like my head has hare), but even a couple of zig-zags would at least make it look interesting. 

I am mostly bald. But what's left (according to my eldest daughter) looks like a badger's arse. So, I tend to wet shave my head so that it's completely gone. I don't actually miss my hair at all. When I was a teen, I had arrow straight hair that never really did anything useful, and if I could have my pate permenantly depilated I would.

There is however one slight drawback. When Brian's roof is freshly shaved, it's also wonderfully smooth, almost Teflon-like in fact, and I've found that keeping a woolly hat on is really difficult. The bog standard beanie that just sits on top of your head doesn't in my case, it tends to rise up and makes me look like something out of the film Coneheads. I tend to have to wear hats that come way down over my ears so they have something to grab hold of.

So, in the coldest part of winter I have now resorted to having a bit of stubble just so I can keep a hat on.

It's either that or superglue...