Don't ; Lashton

Epilogue// Goodbye

Dear Luke,

I miss you a lot bub, I hope you're in a "better place" as they say.

It's been a while now, about two years, but I don't think I will ever get over what happened.

I'm 19 now. You would have been nearly 21.

I remember the day at the hospital, when they announced your death. I broke down and I cried. The had to inject me because I started getting hysterical and throwing things.

I wanted to die with you.

I'm in a "rehab" center. After you died I had nothing to live for, I kept cutting and smoking and eventually I tried to end it all.

But my Mother stopped me.

I'll never forget the look of fear in her eyes or how her and the kids kept crying beside the hospital bed.

Calum suggested I be sent here.

He wanted me to get better.

He said you'd want me here too.

I doubt that. You'd probably want me right next to you. Laying in your arms cuddling and just listening to the soft sounds of what was happening outside of our little world.

I'm only writing this letter because the therapist said it might help me release all the leftover angst and despair.

But it's only bringing back the memories of you and I.

And it hurts like a bitch, pardon my French.

Do you remember when we had sex? I was drunk and it was a bit hazy but I loved it.

I loved you.

It was fast and rough but I loved it, it was like our relationship.

I remember when we had sex that day before everything fell to nothing.

We had bumps and huge rough patches and it was fast. God, how fast it was but I savored every second of it.

I remember the day of our first "date", if I can call it that. I remember how you climbed into my bedroom and hugged me from behind whispering into my ear. I remember how you laughed when I told you to leave until I was finished dressing.

Your laugh was mesmerizing.

I loved you laugh so much. It changed but you never did. It's fading from my mind a bit because of how long it's been but I'm holding onto it for as long as I can.

Sometimes it was high and others it was deep. In mornings, when I talked to when you were walking to school, it was scratchy. That was my favourite.

I remember when we first started talking, being friends.

And it was all because I was showing off kicking a soccer ball.

I'm really happy I kicked that ball.

Or else I would have never know true happiness.

You were so kind about getting in the head with a ball, which is quite strange.

The first thing k saw were your tattoos and to be honest, I got scared because of them. I thought you were going to climb the fence and beat me up.

But then you looked up and I saw your eyes.

Your eyes were beautiful. Such a pretty blue. They weren't quite bright but they were bright enough for me.

And that's all that mattered.

Your eyes looked hurt and lost. But not hurt from the ball, like you had been hurt for such a long time.

And I wanted to fix that, I didn't want anyone to be sad or hurt, because I know what it feels like.

And as time went on, and we kept talking, the hurt started fading.

I like to think I was the reason for that.

And for some reason, I felt happier being with you too. Being hit by my Father hurt less knowing I would be able to see you the next day.

You were one of the reasons I didn't chose to kill myself when I was cleaning my cuts.

And so my dear Luke Hemmings, I hope you are better off wherever you are now.

I loved you and I still do.

and I loved your pretty blue eyes.

Forever in my heart.

Sincerely, Ashton.

♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎

I'm screaming what is this ausha.

so Don't is now officially over I'll miss this book :(

This was my first successful book and i never even thought so many people would like my writing, I truly suck at the beginning of this with grammar and punctuality but thanks for sticking around.

and if you followed my Twitter that'd be rad it's @djmpledrummer :)

this was on mobile so forgive my errors :(

Thank you for reading this story about two boys who just wanted to fall in love

I'll see you gators later, I love you all!!! You're amazing and worth everything.

-Ausha