Unhealthy obsession (Haikyuu AU)

Chapter 43

Remember: he must be the one who wants to recover. There's no use forcing him to do something, keep that in mind, the doctor had told Kuroo privately, away from Bokuto's ears.

Kuroo went to the bathroom of the room, thinking about that quote, and emptied the contents of the container into the toilet and then flushed the cistern. He rinsed it off with cold water and went back to the room, where Bokuto lay hunched between the sheets and 3 blankets. They had had to ask for two extra blankets to try to reduce the chills, but even doing so Bokuto had not felt the least bit of heat.

The doctor had stopped by at 8:00 am to see how he was doing, and then he had informed them that Bokuto would have to go to a rehab center. Kuroo hadn't said anything, but he had seen the grim expression on Bokuto's exhausted and sweaty face, and he hadn't wanted to push him any further.

Now, they both waited for a nurse to come to the room to give them the papers to let Bokuto go. Bokuto did not have clean clothes, so Kuroo helped him to dress in the same clothes and he would look for something clean when he got home. On the doctor's recommendation, they should go to a rehab center in the outskirt, but Bokuto hadn't thought about it.

Kuroo sat on the chair again, next to Bokuto's bed, and put the container next to the boy in case he needed to throw up again. He had not stopped gagging with spasms, despite the fact that they had put medication to reduce the symptoms, at least a little. But his body, so used to drinking and to the high blood alcohol levels, was not responding much to the vague attempts to calm the symptoms, so Bokuto only felt a slight relief. Kuroo sighed wearily and sadly, brushing a lock of hair from Bokuto's sweat-soaked forehead. Bokuto whimpered and his eyes narrowed. They were red from lack of sleep and the effort his body was doing.

"Does it hurt?" Kuroo asked in a whisper. Bokuto nodded and closed his eyes again, frowning in pain.

Kuroo sighed again. He was very sorry for him, but he didn't know how to help him. He rested his chin on the mattress so he could watch Bokuto closely. He kept stroking his hair gently, a very soft touch so as not to disturb Bokuto but that served to let him know that he was still there with him.

"Can l...?" Bokuto whispered in a very weak and raspy voice without opening his eyes. "Can I ask something?"

"Sure," Kuroo replied.

"What does the 'I love you' from before mean?" Bokuto asked. His eyes opened again, only a tiny slit but wide enough to reveal a glint of illusion beneath the thick cloud of pain that covered them.

"Oh, um... I..." Kuroo looked away and bit his lip. "I'm sorry, I... I don't ... Don't get me wrong, Koutaro. You're my best friend, and that's why I love you. You're very important to me... But don't misunderstand me... I wasn't... I wasn't speaking in romantic terms..."

Kuroo felt like a dagger stabbed into his chest when he saw the pain in Bokuto's eyes before he let them close again, as if they weighed him down.

"Oikawa, right?" Bokuto asked. He did not know if the tremor in his voice was due to the cold he felt or if it was due to something else, a more painful feeling that had settled in his chest and that had kept him company in his lonely nights with a glass of whiskey in hand for the last two months. "The last thing... The last thing I remember was... That photo in a park, the two of you were together..."

Kuroo looked at the ground and retracted his hand. Losing that contact, Bokuto knew that something between them had been broken a long time ago, and that it was too late to fix it. Kuroo didn't say anything, and Bokuto didn't insist either.

He's in love with Oikawa, Bokuto thought with his heart pounding and tears gathering at the edge of his closed lids.

He felt weak, as if his body were made of lead and each movement cost him a superhuman effort. He wanted the chills to go away, he wanted the abdominal pain caused after so many spasms when vomiting to go away, he wanted his head to stop hurting as if it was about to explode. He wanted his heart to stop screaming at him that he had lost the man of his life because he had been too stupid.