"We don't need an answer right this second." Crosby knew he was asking for a lot... it wasn't just a hundred bucks- this was his mother's life for nine months.
He had faith in her, even after everything they'd been through.
Reaching over, Lindsey's hand met Stevie's knee. "Yeah, Crosby, we'll have to call you back." He mumbled into the phone, eyes still glued on her.
She felt like her body had grown completely numb and she was left quite speechless. Who wouldn't be? He was asking for a lot.
"Honey?" He set the phone down on the coffee table after ending the call, watching as she shifted on the couch awkwardly.
She sat there for a long moment, leaning back as her hand met her forehead. She felt sick- an anxious kind of sick as her heart beat shot through the roof.
"I'm actually just really tired, sweetie." Pushing herself up, she left the throw blanket behind. "I'm going to bed." She leaned back in for a quick kiss, having already decided that talking about it right then, just wasn't what she wanted.
She needed to think about it by herself first.
He tried not to roll his eyes- that never got him very far. "Baby, do you want to talk about this?" He creased a brow, but she was already heading towards the door.
Turning back around, her eyes grew dim and she just shook her head. "I love you, Lindsey." She mumbled, trying to hide the tears that were building up.
"I love you, sweetheart." He fell back into the couch, while she disappeared up the stairs.
He did love her. He had loved her for as long as he could remember, but that didn't mean he had to agree with everything she did. And there were moments- moments kind of like that, where no matter how much he adored her, he wondered what was really going through her head.
She liked to escape the things she couldn't face... like her child asking her to do something so huge, overwhelming. She would have given her kids everything they could ever imagine and she did for most of their life, but that- that was a lot to ask of someone and they both knew it.
Stevie ended up spending all night tossing and turning, trying to get her mind to settle, but she couldn't. She knew what it was like to want a family and she could remember how magical it felt when she finally had little bundles of pure bliss wrapped up in tiny blue blankets. It was the kind of love that only existed in fairytales- true love at first sight.
She wanted all of her children to experience that...
~
Letting out a deep sigh, Stevie flipped on the light as she carefully trailed down the basement steps. "Honey?" She whispered, wrapping her robe around herself a little tighter.
It was rare, once in a blue moon when he decided to sleep in his studio. But the night before, instead of going up to bed to potentially cause an argument, Lindsey decided to make himself a drink and spend his time thinking in an alternate state.
They figured things out a little differently sometimes and it worked for them... for the most part.
"Lindsey?" She whispered as she slowly sat down on the edge of the sofa to stare down at him. "Do you wanna go to bed?" She knew that he was awake once that snoring had come to a holt- he wasn't much of a deep sleeper anymore.
"Lay with me?" He wrapped an arm around her waist, shifting to make enough room for the both of them.
Kicking her feet up on the end, she laid down on her side as he pulled her in close. She always felt so safe in his arms- he was like home. She knew that if everything in the entire world was crashing down around them, she would still have him and he would still have her.
"I'm a terrible mother." She couldn't get it off her mind... she might very well let down her oldest son in the worst way possible. She hated it, but she wasn't sure she could do it either.
She had always loved her sons- she loved them far before they were born. But sometimes it felt like she didn't know how to be there for them, or help when they asked for things.
She didn't know if most mothers would have immediately dropped everything and just automatically agreed to give up their life for nines months and their body for a lot longer.
It felt like there were so many other options for them to have children, but at the same time, she didn't actually know the true extent of their wish. They wanted a family and they couldn't do it alone.
"You're not a bad mother, Stevie." He didn't know everything, but knew that. "You gave those boys your entire world." He added, lips meeting her shoulder to try and reassure her as best he could.
"Sometimes I feel like I could have done better." She admitted something that she hardly ever thought about, but he already how she felt- he felt the same way. It was almost impossible to be a perfect parent. "I don't even know Lucy."
"Don't do this to yourself right now."
Biting down on her bottom lip, warm tears began to fall down her cheeks. "You're right." She sighed. "I have a lot of work to do today." Looking over her shoulder, she tried to see those blue storms through the dark room.
He brought his hand up, using the pad of his thumb to gently wipe away her tears. "Try to have a good day, Steph." He gave her a soft kiss before his head fell back on the throw pillow.
"Go to our bed, honey." She chuckled, slipping off the sofa to stand up. "It's chilly down here anyway." She added, grabbing a tissue off the stand to collect herself.
"I'll swing by the restaurant in a little while to give you a hand." He sat up, letting out a yawn as he started to stretch. "I'll pick up coffee."
Nodding her head, she pulled the string on the lamp to light up the room just a little. "I'll see you later." She started for the door, but just as she was about to head upstairs, she paused in the doorway. "I think it would be best if we talked about this in person. It's hard to agree to something that I don't know much about."
