Troubling Love

Silent fear:

It was both the level of uncertainty and uncomfort that consumed Stefani, leaving her body paralyzed from the waist down.

Time had a specific way of freezing when the woman laid eye on the only woman that had managed to steal her heart, taking it into the palm of her hand where at any moment it can be crushed.

I suppose it's called vulnerability.

And I guess it's only fair to be vulnerable around the people you love most.

But then there's the danger of it.

They've got your heart in the palm of their hands, at any given moment, they can crush it.

Perhaps that's why trust is important.

But what if you hurt them?

What if your the one that crushes their heart?

But deep down, Stefani felt she had no right to fear such a thing. She had been the one that crushed the innocent woman that stood before her. It wasn't the other way around.

"Stefani. Hi." The tone of Ariana's voice said almost everything. A bit of shock, a bit of fright, and a noticeable about of pain. And though it was attempted to be covered with a smile, it was almost impossible to miss in the pain in the depths of the woman's eyes.

"Uhm, mother, may I go inside?" Elle asked, tugging at her mother's shirt as a child would.

"Yes baby, go on." Stefani nodded, though she didn't bother to take her eyes off of Ariana.

Slowly, Elle slipped away, shooting Ariana a small smile, giving her mother one as well before walking into the restaurant.

The air seemed to stiffen one the two women were left alone, nobody to watch.

"I didn't think I'd ever run into you ever again." Ariana said, approaching a conversation.

Stefani cleared her throat, her eyes dropping to the ground, "Well, uh, considering the way I left things, I suppose I didn't either." She replied.

"What? You mean how you literally told me to kiss you and I wake up to you gone? Leaving me nothing but a note that almost sent me over the edge?" Ariana asked, anger becoming evident in her voice.
But you could also hear the silent sadness.

"You've got every right to be upset. I'm upset with myself. I shouldn't have done that. No, actually, I shouldn't have told you to kiss me because I still knew I couldn't juggle a relationship in the midst of my, I suppose, 'midlife crisis', but I did. And that was foolish." Stefani admitted, recalling each bitter mistake she had managed to make.

"Right. So I was just your little distraction right?" Ariana's tone turned bitter, sarcasm was also thrown in their.

"No, Ariana, I love you. I really do I just, I wasn't," The blonde breathed, her mind was unclear and she couldn't get the right words out.

"I didn't understand how to handle losing the girls and losing you. I was under so much pain and I just craved to all three of you back. And when I found you again I lost control and I didn't know how to act, and when I woke up in your bedroom I thought that if I at least got you back it would fix something and it didn't. Apart of me knew that but apart of me was in denial. When I woke up, I knew it wasn't right to try and make amends with you and fix our relationship. I needed my girls too, and I didn't have them. I couldn't be selfish and allow myself to start a relationship with you when I wasn't in the right mindset. I'm sorry, I am. I know it doesn't seem like it but the last thing I wanted to do was hurt you. Ariana, walking out of your house knowing that the only thing I left was a note broke my heart. I couldn't believe I let myself do that. Not only did I walk away from who I love for a second time, I also left fully knowing that I'd never get you back and that hurt me more than I can explain. And you don't have to accept this apology because I hurt you so much, but the least I can do is give you the apology you deserve." Stefani felt tears fill her eyes, she felt foolish for crying knowing that she had caused somebody else pain, it wasn't the other way around, she felt that she had no right to cry.