Troubling Love

For you I will.

Sarah looked in front of the mirror just like she did when her mother had returned home. But this time there was no smile on her face, no trace of happiness in her eyes, and no hope in her heart. All of those things were replaced by anger, sadness, and guilt. She looked at her reflection in the mirror, to say she didn't recognize the person she saw was an  understatement, she practically forgot who she was. 

Sarah's eyes were drawn to a picture that was protected in a frame, sitting on her dresser. It was a picture of her and Addison. It was a photo of the two girls in downtown LA. Sarah wore ripped jeans with a spaghetti strapped, white crop top that had small red flowers on it. Her hair was lose and wavy falling onto her shoulders. Addison was wearing a black crop top with white sunflowers on it and black ripped jeans, her brown hair was straightened. Sarah had a huge smile on her face, Addison's hand was wrapped around Sarah's waist though her face wasn't visible too the camera. Sarah remembered the joy she felt in that moment, so much so that a feeling of more sadness washed over her. Before Sarah could allow her mind to remember other memories that Sarah would never get to experience with Addison again there was a sudden knock on the door. "Come in." Sarah said as the person behind the door slowly opened it, poking their head through the cracked door. "Hey beautiful." Said a familiar voice. Jack. Sarah sadly smiled, "Hey Jack." She responded. Jack walked toward Sarah, opening his arms up to her, embracing the girl in a hug. Sarah reluctantly hugged back, trying to hold back tears, every little touch of affection made her upset. Jack pulled away, he dug for something in his pocket, he pulled out a small ring, placing it in the palm of his hand reaching it towards Sarah. The teenager gave him a confused look, she hesitantly picked it up, "It was Addies. She left a note for you, there was also a tiny box for you with that ring inside, she wants you to have it. Read the card when you feel strong enough too." Jack responded to Sarah's confused expression. Sarah immediately recognized the ring once she held it in front of her face, it was an aquamarine heart ring. She placed it on her ring finger on her right hand. Addie loved that ring. It was her grandma's ring, she had given it to Addie while on her death bed, it meant everything to the teenager. Sarah looked up at Jack to see him handing her an envelope that had her name engraved on it, Sarah's hands began to shake once she reached for the envelope. She placed it on her dresser, not being able to find the strength to read Addie's last words to her. "How are you feeling?" Jack asked pulling Sarah out of her scary thoughts. Sarah looked away from him, staring at the picture of her and Addie on her dresser, "I miss her. I'm confused, I'm upset, I'm angry. No words can describe my feelings. I just want to scream and cry, letting out the pain that is living in my head." Sarah answered, her voice began to shake. Jack looked down at his feet, "It's okay to feel like that, you have every right too. We all miss her a lot, it won't ever be the same without her." Sarah nodded. She didn't have the strength to say anything else knowing that if she opened her mouth she'd likely burst into tears. "I'll be downstairs if you need anything, your mom wanted me to let you know that we're leaving in 5." Jack notified. Sarah nodded her head once again, she couldn't bring herself to look Jack in the eyes, "Thank you." She mumbled. Jack smiled at her, though it wasn't a happy smile, it was a pitiful smile.

This pain was ruining her, and all he could do was watch.

The official mourning hadn't fully begun and already she was tired of it. It had been a month since Addie had died, and it seemed like the longest month of Sarah's life. Her grades began to drop, her body couldn't gather the energy to get out of bed, and speaking seemed like a difficult task. Now she was supposed to wear black and pull herself together before burying Addison, putting her body to rest. Sarah was hesitant to go, of course she wanted to see Addison one last time but the thought of crying again today put a heavy weight on her mind. Sarah looked at the envelope that Jack had given her, her mind flashed back to when Addison grabbed Sarah's hand for the very last time, when Addie kissed Sarah's hand as a sign of thankfulness and love. Sarah held that same hand close to her heart, running her fingers over the back of her hand, tears slipped once again,