I was always an option. I wanted so much more with life, with her, I loved her with all my heart but she never saw that. For her I was always an option, someone who was just there everytime she needed someone to talk to. I was there when she was at her low. I was there when she just wanted this whole world to just collapse.
Maybe it was my fault too cause I never expressed how I felt. Being an introvert, I never had much confidence, I never had will. All those movies that they show on TV and how these movies have a perfect happy ending. Mine wasn't.
I still remember how she came to me and for a moment my heart skipped a beat and she said to me, "I like your classmate Max. Can you please set me up?" I smiled and said, "Sure". My heart was lying there infront of me. I could see my heart pumping blood. I could see my heart crying. I could see my heart just lying there still and me, dead inside.
I was always there for her. Maybe she knew this, maybe she didn't. But in those maybes I found my life. I always wanted to be a constant and not an option. So, I killed Max. I killed him.
And here I am, standing infront of you, Your Honour explaining myself, justifying my actions, why I did this. I don't know whether I'll be set free after this hearing or not, but one thing is for sure, I'll never stop loving her. For me, she is the soul for my body, food for my stomach, air for my lungs, beats for my heart and sunlight for my dark, void, null, empty, vacant life
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MY THOUGHTS
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