4 - Questions and Thoughts
Keana
Pagkatapos naming kumain ay naglakad-lakad muna kami para matunaw naman ang nakain namin. We decided to just stay in the rooftop 'cause he said that we'll just hang out in there na lang and next time na lang sa garden, the one that I suggested.
"Pst."
I arched my brows then looked at him, curiosity etched on my face. Sitsit nang sitsit.
"'Di mo ba ako tatanungin kung ano ang sasabihin ko?" He asked but I just shooked my head, watching the leaves swaying because of the afternoon breeze. I heard him grunted at my answer. I picked up the leaf that fell on my pink hospital gown and tore it.
He pouted at me but afterwards, spoke again.
"Alam mo ba, pangarap kong makapagtapos ng pag-aaral..." he said slowly while smiling sadly. What he told me stirred up my interest at what he's saying I placed my elbow in the arm rest of my wheelchair then rested my chin at my palm while looking at him.
He looked at me then pat my head like a dog. I glared at him and punched his stomach. Ano ako, aso? Siraulo 'to.
"Aw, ang abs ko!"
Ew, ano raw?
"Wala kang abs, 'oy! Tabs lang, tabs. Feeling naman nito. Tuloy mo na nga kwento mo kaysa magsalita ka ng walang sense r'yan," I complained.
Inikot niya lang ang mga mata niya at bineletan ako. Natawa ako sa ginawa niya.
"Umayos ka na nga!"
"Ayos naman ako, ah? Ano-?"
Sinamaan ko ulit siya ng tingin, senyales na ipagpatuloy niya na lang ang kwento niya. Sumuko naman siya at nakangising umiling na lang.
"Kaso, elementary lang ang natapos ko," he tried to laugh but it ended up bitter. I bowed my head then imagined some people na hindi nakapagtapos ng pag-aaral dahil sa kahirapan o 'di kaya ay may malalaking problema sa buhay. So, I'm still lucky, eh? At least I was hospital or homeschooled, hindi katulad ng iba na hindi nakapagtapos ng pag-aaral o talagang hindi nakapag-aral. Naaawa ako sa kanila dahil napagkaitan sila ng edukasyon at mga dagdag kaalaman dahil hikaos sila sa buhay.
How selfish of me to think that I'm not lucky because of how unfortunate my life is right now; and I wished for more even though that all I have is already enough. Nakakapag-aral ako kahit na ganito ang sitwasyon ko at dapat ay kontento na ako roon. And it's also wrong to compare what I experienced and theirs, because all of us have different struggles in life- different problems to face, different monsters to defeat.
"Sa tingin mo, makakapag-aral pa kaya ulit ako?" he asked me while staring straight unto my eyes. I nodded like a little kid as an answer to his question. Of course, he will.
Si Jaxton pa. I have faith in him.
"Sana," he said while his voice is full of hope.
Ang segundo na naging ilang minuto ay tahimik na lumipas, tila dinadamayan kami. After the serene moment, we both agreed that we'll see each other tonight or tomorrow.
"Bukas na lang tayo kita ulit, pips. Labyu, bebelabs ko!" He waved his hands while laughing and running away from me. His loud voice echoed at the hallway of the hospital. I laughed too at his silly remarks then waved my hand.
I shut the door close and walked towards the table. Nagsalin ako ng tubig sa baso na nasa lamesa at iinumin na sana nang biglang sumakit ang puso ko.
Shit, my meds... Oo nga pala. Nakalimutan kong uminom kanina.
I walked past the table to go to where my medicines are placed but my fingers kept fidgeting making the medicines in a mess. When I got my desired medicine, I quickly swallowed it, making me cough a bit. Uminom na rin ako ng tubig pero sa hindi sinasadyang pangyayari, nahulog at nabasag ito. Maybe because of my fidgeting hand? I mentally facepalmed.
I kept my breathing normal, I calmed my mind, my body and most of all, my heart. I inhaled and exhaled deeply for the last time and looked at the shattered pieces of the glass that's now scattered on the floor. Why am I so clumsy? I sighed and pressed the button to call on a nurse.
"What happened, Ke? Is everything alright?" Mama Mexie asked as soon as the nurse left the room to call a janitor to clean up the mess I made after assisting me. Magkasunod kasi silang pumasok pero nahuli lang si Mama ng dalawang minuto.
"Everything's alright, 'Ma. The glass just slipped while I'm holding it." I answered plainly then looked at the janitor who's done sweeping the crumbled glass and spilled water. He smiled and I smiled back. Afterwards, he left the room leaving me and Mama.
She stared at me, sighed then beamed brightly. What's with the sudden change of moods?
"I have something to give to you later, I hope you'll love it. Take a rest first, okay?" She kissed my forehead and tapped my head lightly. I smiled at her simple gestures, it makes me happy.
I shifted to make myself lie down sideways. I took my phone from my bedside table then scrolled down to my music list to find a good song to listen. I relaxed myself and clear my mind yet different thoughts came as I heard the music.
Why do people say that they are okay when in fact they are not? Bakit sinasabi natin na ayos lang ang lahat, walang problema, pero ang totoo ay meron naman na talaga? Is it the same as lying? Let's say, white lies? Para hindi na sila mag-abala o mag-alala pa?
I don't know.
My mind says that, "Sometimes, lies are what we know as the truth." We're pretending that we're okay to make ourselves believe that we truly are. It has an advantage and a disadvantage. It makes you feel happy yet that is not what you genuinely feel. Like a mask, that hides your real identity but in this case, it covers the truth.
Lies can make you happy but the truth can give you the pain of the reality, and that is what makes you feel alive.
I tapped my fingers and looked at the window that shows the garden and the guy who wants to be my friend the first time we met. I smiled when I saw him picked a flower then put it in his pocket. Maybe he will give it to his Mother? Ilang beses ko na siyang nahuli na pumipitas ng bulaklak pero nakikita ko naman na binibigay niya ito kay Tita.
Napatingin siya sa direksyon ko nang maramdaman niya sigurong may nakatingin sa kanya. His cheeks blushed profusely like he's been courted by his long time crush. Napakamot siya sa ulo niya, nahihiya na nakita ko siya sa akto. I nodded at him signaling that it is okay, he smiled shyly and turned his back on me while waving. Akala niya siguro ay bawal.
I looked at our collage pictures together in my frame that is on my sidetable and smiled. This is taken when we started our friendship, he insisted that we must have a remembrance.
"Sa kalagitnaan ng pakikipaglaban ko sa sakit ko, dumating ka at nahanap mo ako."
________________________________________
Use the hashtag #HaplessBeings
***
BINABASA MO ANG
Hapless Beings
Teen Fiction- short novel - *** Keana Maglasang, a girl who suffers from a heart disease, lives in a hospital since the day she's born and grew up with her foster mother who is also a doctor. Until a guy named Jaxton Alviza appears in her life whom she met in...
