LOST

Chapter 9. Beginning of new destruction

The thing we love, destroys us everytime. This is the reason, never love someone more than yourself or you might destroy yourself.

It is said that every action has an equal and opposite reaction, same damn thing goes with love. It comes back to you with destruction. When a dead heart starts beating again, it's the beginning of new destruction.

~♥~

Why?

I question myself, why is it always me that I end up myself in such situations?

It's the heart, right?
It's always the damn heart.

These are the times when I wish, I wish that I were someone so normal who would cherish the feeling of these butterflies. Who would blush at the mere thought of someone. I wish I were my old self .

I hate to admit it to myself but I started feeling things for Ashton. I know, I shouldn't. Not when that is not my motive, this is the last thing I'd need in my life.

I was fine with my self, I was fine with a girl who didn't wanted her emotions out but that man, he is making me the old version of my self and I hate it.

I started crying again, because of him.

I started smiling again, because of him.

Has it ever happened to you, that you don't want to like someone but your heart gets attracted to that perticular person only. From whom you want to stay away but your heart is a fucking piece of shit who falls for a wrong person at the worst moment of life.

This is what I am exactly going on from, I don't want to like or love anyone but my heart isn't listening to me otherwise. The hardest battle is between what you know in your mind and what you feel in your heart.

Whenever he is near me I feel butterflies in my stomach, my heartbeat increases. It's like my heart skips a beat. Oh God help me out with this, please!

It is like my mind says to stay away but my heart commands me to go near him. I can't take this heart and mind battle anymore, yesterday the way he said sorry to me was overwhelming.

It had been years since someone made me feel so special. This all feels so surreal and the care, warmness, attention, I was craving for I am receiving from him.

I didn't even realised that it was me who was getting attached to him in this journey, when I knew, I fucking knew why was I here! I started to feel something for him.

But I can't drag him into my already messed life. It is more like a tangled web where even I don't know how will I come out. I can't drag him here.

I do not deserve happiness, this is hard I learnt from life. Everyone I love, I lose them.

No, I shuddered. I will stay away from him until my promise is fulfilled. Then I will go away from his life. For forever.

Yes! This is what I am going to do. Try my best to ignore him.

" Alaia" I heard someone calling me out.

I turned back and saw Macey, who was standing there with a frown on her face.

" What happened? " I asked when she kept staring at me.

" You tell me, what happened ?" she answered back with a question.

" What happened to me?"

" I have been calling you since ten minutes, what the hell were you thinking? " she said with a serious look.

Wait ten minutes? Or is she just exaggerating? I raised an eyebrow at her so called ten minutes statement.

" OK fine not ten minutes but I already called you five times now tell me, what were you thinking? " she asked.