Godsend

Stendahl Syndrome

April 30th, 2015

Humanity is almost nil, there's so little of it left now; so little hope to be had, so little reason to press on. Since the attack on the food bank, the military has pulled out of Chicago completely, leaving us to fend for ourselves. They were the last protection we had from the Godsend hunters, and now we were just waiting for them to come pick us off, it's just a matter of time. 

Lisa has decided to stay with us, she's as scared as James and I, and she doesn't even have a reason to be. When we make food runs, searching the abandoned apartment buildings in the nearby areas, we have to take weapons with us just to walk down the street. Last week, we had to spend the night in the dumpster behind our apartment, just to get away from the hunters. When we got back inside the next day, the apartment was trashed; they ripped up the bed, put holes in the walls, pissed on the carpet, everything they could to bring us down. But none of that mattered.

The only thing that matters is the three of us; just having each other and being okay is all we need to keep going. I remember two days ago, we went on a food run and I was on lookout duty; I couldn't wait for them to get back, I was so worried that I'd never see them again, I was worried that I would be all alone, and that's my greatest fear. But the moment they returned to me, I could feel my heart racing, I could feel myself getting dizzy, I couldn't help but hug both of them. 

"I love you both, I love you so much." I could feel tears forming in my eyes, a lump of sadness rising in my throat as I spoke.

Neither of them spoke, they just hugged me back, sharing in the feeling of being together and being alive, it was marvelous. During the days that we don't scavenge for food, we still make time to sing to each other. We each take turns singing for the other two, lulling them to sleep with softly whispered berceuse. Lisa even sings for James and I, her frail voice carries just enough for us to hear, but gentle enough to keep from being heard from the outside. It's like her vocal chords were tailored for us. 

Afraid we won't survive

Afraid I won't provide

you're far away

so far away.

I've been thinking a lot lately, about when James had asked me if I really wanted the Godsends to leave so everything could go back to the way it was before, and I know now what I want. Despite the way everything is; how dire things have become, how much carnage we've seen, the things we've had to endure, the things we will have to endure, I wouldn't change a thing. I have learned more than I ever would have living my old life; I have met the two most breathtaking people I will ever have the pleasure of meeting. 

 On our last run, we picked up a radio, one of those radios that can be powered by cranking the lever on the side of it. Only a few AM stations still broadcast, one of which is operated by a man named Alan, who claimed to be an expert on Godsends and where they come from. He gives updates on the status of things in the cities that have been abandoned by the government, though where he gets this information, I haven't a clue. I do remember him saying one thing that really haunted me though. His broadcast stated that all Godsends were from some point in the future, and that we are approaching that time. 

Hearing this terrified me, it made me think about what would happen to James, would he leave? Would I leave? I couldn't bear the thought of leaving him or Lisa behind.

"Even if we get split up," James told me after the broadcast, "We won't forget each other."

"Who could forget all the fun we've had?" Lisa joked, we all laughed at the obvious irony.

I will always miss her corny jokes.