Godsend

I Will See You Again

June 6th, 2015

I get scared too.

I don't know what makes me different to Jamie, or why he looks up to me; we are one in the same. I am just as frightened as he is, but he trusts in everything I say without fault. He accepts me and protects me, even though it's mine and all the other Godsend's fault that the world is the way it is. He doesn't treat me like an inconvenience or a burden, he treats me like a brother.

I can't remember anything before coming here, sometimes I think I do, but it's a fleeting feeling, like trying to remember a dream several days after you've had it. There's a hankering feeling inside me, always whispering to me, telling me that something is coming soon, but the feeling could never be pinpointed, and the time could never be guessed. 

After the hunters attacked us, Jamie and I ran as far and as fast as we could; I could hardly see where we were going, the tears in my eyes blurring my vision. I wanted to stay with Lisa, just lay there with her and sing to her and let the hunters take us away, it was a mercy I desperately wanted, but Jamie picked me up and forced me to run. I don't know if I'm glad he did.

We spent that night under a bridge, both of us quiet, terrified of the hunters hearing us. I couldn't sleep, my mind wouldn't let Lisa go, the thought of if things could have been done differently to save her. It would have been better if it was her that lived, there's no need for two Jamie Connely's in the world.

Jamie asked me what we were going to do next, I told him we needed to find a new place to stay, though I knew it would be much easier said than done; the hunters would be looking for the two of us specifically. We moved exclusively at night, it was easier that way, safer. I shuddered to think that Jamie would have to go through this again as me in some other alternate world. We were able to forage, eating spoiled food from trashcans, picking small snacks off of bodies where we could find them; Jamie hinted at possibly eating freshly dead people, I told him we wouldn't stoop that low. I would rather starve than sacrifice my humanity to live. Things were more dire than ever before, we ate every few days, and that was if we were very fortunate indeed. It was a struggle to walk around, so fighting wouldn't be an option for us again. 

We never stayed in one place for long, always attempting to stay one step ahead of the hunters. Jamie told me it would be smarter to attack them when they weren't expecting it. I told him that that was a surefire way to get us killed quicker, and that we needed to just keep running. And so we did, though what exactly we were staying alive for, I was unsure of. I only kept going because I couldn't bear to see anything happen to Jamie. I'm not sure what it is, he just feels like my responsibility. 

We were staying in an abandoned hotel; an old Marriott, leaving only when necessary. Lately, that feeling has been growing louder, to me it seems almost audible. I asked Jamie if he could feel anything.

"It's pretty hard to feel anything now." He said, I could see the desire to continue fading from his eyes, it scared me.

"It's almost over, Jamie, I can feel it." My eyes bore deep into his, I wanted him to know I meant every word I said. 

We sat on the bed of the room we currently occupied, the room itself was clean, if barren; anything of use had been stripped away long ago. The red carpet and clashing green walls were about the only color we had left in our lives. Both of us smelled ghastly, no showers or toothbrushes for months, though it was still a relief to not be chased. Our room was on the second floor, so we could escape through a window if we had to. We took the minimalist moment of solace and slept through the day, almost a hibernation of sorts.

I awoke to the sound of shattering glass and screaming voices, my eyes couldn't adjust to the dark, I couldn't see anything. Jamie was shambling out of the bed at the same time as me, both of us unsure of what was going on or what to do.

"They found us." Jamie spoke, the defeat evident in his voice. 

I lurched over to the window and looked outside, the parking lot immediately outside our window was illuminated with flashlights and makeshift torches. 

They had found us.

I didn't know how, we were careful, we left no traces, they had nothing to go on, but they had found us regardless, our efforts were for nothing. I turned away from the window to see Jamie pushing the furniture of the room against the door. It was a futile effort, but I helped him nonetheless. We pushed the mattress, the corner desk, the dresser with the T.V. on it, everything. It was our last defense against them. The effort it took to move the furniture was almost enough to make me faint, but I held on, I wouldn't leave Jamie alone.

The feeling in my head was more trying than it had ever been, a pulsing of sorts, I thought that maybe I was feeling my own mortality, and that this was where we were supposed to die. The screams outside began to rise, all of them demanding blood. I looked to Jamie, he was sitting on the ground in front of our barricade, tears streaming down his face. I joined him on the floor, wrapping my arms around him, they would have to kill me first to get him.

Moments later, the hunters began beating on the front door, breaking through our lifeline. I could feel Jamie's hands gripping me tighter, he'd never let go. The door began cracking, their screams seeping in the room. I could feel my heart beating faster, I felt like I couldn't inhale enough air, panic overcame me. Jamie began screaming at the top of his lungs, I focused on his words

Born and raised to take the cake

No one can stop you,

now that you're invincible

you played the game and it played you

why so down and why so blue? 

You had it coming

I closed my eyes, the world around me seemed as though it ceased to exist; I could no longer feel Jamie's grip on me. The feeling in my head had faded, as did everything else.

I opened my eyes, though there was nothing to see; everybody was gone, the room was empty. I stood up and looked around, but there was nothing; no screams, no banging, nothing.

No Jamie.

I didn't have to see it to know what had happened. He was gone, but he would be okay, I knew he would be.

I was alone, but I knew Jamie wouldn't be. 

And that's all that matters.