The Truth That Lies (WangXian Modern AU)

04

I will love you all-consumingly, or I will love no one.

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Wei Ying

It had been a few days since the first snow, but Lan Zhan never tried to contact me. I guess I should be happy, but miserably, I've been checking my phone repeatedly, trying to figure out if he got my number, or if he has gone for good, and then I'll start to wonder what the hell I was doing when I thought I'll get through this.

I've kept on telling myself that I'm doing what's best for him, the right thing. Because staying with me will only complicate certain things in his life; mostly his engagement, if the media finds out that we're in touch again. I just didn't understand why the 'right thing' always had to be  . . . this.

But,

When I came out of the elevator of my apartment block this evening—a bit later than usual—Lan Zhan was standing in front of my door, taking me by surprise.

He was leaning on the wall right next to the door—head hung down with his hands in his pockets, in a black suit and a warm coat on top of it. His hair was a bit ruffled as if it was styled, then messed up on purpose; he was giving me a perfect side view of himself, which was the last thing that could help right now.

Just by the fact that he was here certain euphoric feeling blooms in me; I inwardly curse at it.

Judging by his look, he was here for some time. I just couldn't understand why he takes so much trouble for something pointless.

"I thought I told you to call me before coming," I tell him as I approach the door. "I was busy today."

"Now you're here." He blankly replies. "Where were you?"

"Why do you care?"

"I thought I told you I do." He feeds my words back at me. "You met with your sister." He says, eying the package of food I was carrying.

Did he look . . . relieved?

I sigh as I open the door and let him in. I'm tired of acting, I don't know if I have it in me to yell him away in front of my door.

"You seem to have met with your fiancé," I say, countering him, concluding from the way he was dressed. I look him in the eye, knowing that he never lies.

"I did." He admits.

I smirk. "What do you want to drink?" I ask as I move towards the kitchen island.

"You always knew what I'd say," he says and that pang I suppressed comes out again.

Now I understand why Ruo rejected me that day. I don't want to be a second option. What I still can't believe is, the same person who once brought the best out of me wants me to be one.

"What do you feel when you remember those times Lan Zhan?" I ask.

I didn't turn to look, but the silence clearly showed his hesitation. "I want to live in the future we wished to have." I hear him reply in a thin voice, and my heart—I admit—skips a beat.

But the reality, the damned reality, is fucked up than that. That's what makes me say, "Too bad. I regret it all."

Either he believed it or didn't, I'm once again answered by silence.

I stay there with my back facing him for a while. When I turn around, he was standing just a few inches away from me, looking into my eyes. I look away –they were my dead giveaway to him. He leans in and I reflexively step back, only to be trapped between the table and his body.