Spooky Action at a Distance | Frostiron

The Best Is Over

How could things change so fast yet stay the same? Why did he still yearn for the end? He felt bad. He felt awful, actually. To finally find love, to be able to hold his soulmate in his arms, but still want to leave. He'd have to watch the human grow old. Die. He knew it was selfish, but he couldn't do that. He couldn't put himself through that. A part of him did notice, he wouldn't be able to live through Tony's death, so how would Tony react if Loki died? Truth was, who would care? Chances are there'd be parties in the street. No one would mourn. He'd be forgotten, just like the last few times. But then there was En. The person who kept bringing him back. And for what? To relive the pain? To live in fear? He didn't understand.

He kept staring at the wall. The wall that had never changed. The room hasn't changed since he was young. He remembered when he was young, he must've been around five, he thought, Frigga would read him stories before bed. She'd sit at the edge of the bed, and read from the book, a new one every night. She knew that Loki skipped sleeping in order to finish the book, so eventually she took the book with her when she left. He remembered when he was seven, whenever he'd have a nightmare, Thor would come and comfort him. He promised that he'd protect the younger from anything. That aged well. He remembered at age nine, crying himself to sleep after Thor and his friends mocked him for learning magic. Aged thirteen, throwing up in the bin as he faced his first hangover. Aged fifteen, almost burning his curtains as he struggled to melt the powder. Oddly enough, he didn't try melting it again. Not until years later, anyway. He'd figured out other ways to get the high without injecting it. Aged seventeen, his first hookup. Not the best, but it was enough to convince him it was worth his time. The cycle continued. Nothing ever changed.

Despite seeing Thor at the dinner, they didn't speak. They didn't even look at each other. It was confirmation that the warrior truly hated him, Loki felt. That he really had lost his brother. And for what? The whole thing started with his existence. If he hadn't have been born, Jotunheim would be fine. The people and buildings harmed by the destroyer would be flourishing. The people he killed in Germany and New York would be fine. They'd be with their families. Tony... he wouldn't be so broken. He would probably be happy.

Loki took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. He didn't want to let himself fall into his emotions. Not as far as he was going to, anyway. He wished that he could take it all back. He wished that he could go back in time, to stop Odin from taking him. How would that have changed things? He would've grown up a monster. A feral beast. An animal that couldn't control its urges. One that yearned for blood and death. All of that... that was still there, nagging at the back of his mind. Natural instincts, he supposed. Even if he didn't want them... he could feel them. He wasn't sure if it was him being paranoid or if they were genuinely there, but they scared him. He didn't want to have that. He wanted it all to stop. He didn't want to be Jotun. He didn't want to be scared. He didn't want to be sad or lonely or unworthy. He wanted to prove himself, but he knew that would never happen. He was tired. Tired of the pain and the suffering and the endless torture he always endured. He was tired. That feeling never went away.

Loki was pulled out of his thoughts as he felt Tony start to squirm. He looked at the human worriedly, loosening his hold on the mechanic. Tony whimpered quietly, trying to scramble away from the god. That couldn't be good. Loki gently let go of the human but sat up, ready to catch him if he got too close to the edge of the bed.

"Tony? You're safe, my love. It's time to wake up," Loki said softly, using a spell to ensure Tony heard it in his mind. He hated getting into the humans head, but he needed him safe.

Tony shot up as he awoke, his eyes darting around the room. His eyes settled on Loki. He panicked briefly before he remembered why he was there. That he was safe. Was he safe? Could he really trust the god?