Spooky Action at a Distance | Frostiron

I'll Make the Best of Being Flesh and Bone

// just wanted to give a massive thank you to everyone who's reading and interacting with this, it means the world to me that you're all just giving this a shot!! At some point I'll be uploading a story called Somewhere That's Green, it's a Frostmaster/Ironstrange/Stucky au, I'll Chuck it in here when it's up! Thank you so much for all your support on this story - the full one is up on ao3 if you want to skip ahead, if not I'll try to upload this every few days! Thank you so much and have an amazing day!! //
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After living for so long, living through so much pain and grief, it wasn't hard to see why it was so tedious to live through. No matter what happened, knowing that the faint feeling of happiness wouldn't last, it made everything worse. Knowing that it was just a phase, that once it was over it would only get worse... was it worth it? Was it worth seeing the person he loved suffer through age, only for it to end abruptly? Was it worth it?

Nothing ever seemed worth it. Knowing that the pain would never end, that the people he could never love because they would only die or leave. Death seemed to be his worst enemy, though he'd welcome it with open arms. Seeing the harm and chaos that only grew, he should love it, but he didn't want to see it. He knew that it was inevitable. He knew that no matter what happened, he couldn't stop it. None of them could. If he lived long enough l see it, it would only get worse. So why wait around? They couldn't stop it. Failing would make it worse. What was the point?

He wanted to appreciate what he had. 'Live in the moment', he'd been told. He couldn't stop thinking about the future, planning all of the possibilities, finding which one would be the least painful. He couldn't stop thinking about the past. How could he, when his whole body was a reminder? His whole existence was a reminder. There was nothing that could take it away. There was nothing that could make it any easier.

He was causing more pain than necessary. He was only hurting the one person he wanted to protect. He wanted to save everyone. He wanted to help. He couldn't. It would never work. He could never do any good, no matter how much he wanted to. He would only ever hurt people. He was better on his own for that reason. Why did he ever think that that could work? He was destined to be alone. That was his punishment. To be alone for the rest of his life. Having a soulmate was just cruel. It would never last. Never.

Why did nothing ever work? Why could he never be happy? He knew that things were going well. He was sober, the withdrawal symptoms were almost completely gone, and he wasn't in as much pain as usual. It was nice. Peaceful, almost. So something was going to happen. Something always happened to disrupt the peace. He hated the taunting. The quiet before the storm. He just wanted it all to happen. He wanted Thanos to come out of hiding. He didn't want to wait. Waiting was the worst part.

He would either die or suffer, and although death was a mercy, even though it was the cowardice choice, he would welcome it. He wanted it more than anything. It was painful, knowing that no matter what, he would be brought back. He didn't want that. He wanted it all to be okay. Nothing was ever okay. Nothing ever would be okay. He had to live throughout the endless pain that would haunt him for the rest of his life, and for what? What could he possibly do that would be worth it?

Forgetting was the next best thing. He could feel the haze lighten around the memories that Thanos had manipulated, they were haunting him in his sleep and in his thoughts. He couldn't escape it. He didn't want to remember. Though remembering would grant him more power, he didn't want any more pain. He didn't want to remember his attempts on Thor's life. He didn't want to remember what caused him to fall from the Bifrost. He didn't want to remember the endless torture Thanos inflicted on him. He didn't want to remember. Knowing that the mind stone was in his reach and he could wipe the knowledge, he could forget everything... it was tempting. He could live a new life. He could maybe even be happy. It was impractical. He knew that if Thanos found him that it would be even worse. He had to remember. Well, until Thanos died. That would be too good to be true.