Spooky Action at a Distance | Frostiron

Doubt That the Sun Doth Move

Loved. Something Loki rarely felt, but it was there. He felt happy. He felt loved. Their night was perfect. After they'd finished, they fell asleep in the den. It was peaceful. It was perfect. Well, until Loki woke up. He ignored his shaking hands and his lowering temperature, opting to enjoy the view. He hated the fact that he was so dependant on something. He hated the fact that he couldn't stop. He always found himself running back to the needle, despite his own wishes to stop. He knew how to stop. He'd been through it enough times to know what to do. He just didn't want Tony to know. He couldn't know.

Loki stared up at the stars, finding both fear yet peace at the sight. He knew what was up there. He knew what was waiting for him. He knew that the next time he came face to face with the Titan and his children, he wouldn't be able to escape. Not again. He'd managed it twice, there wouldn't be a third. He couldn't help but wonder if it was worth it to end it there and then. Would that be cowardice? If he died, he wouldn't be able to stop Thanos. He wouldn't be able to aid in the battle that was sure to come. Then again, if he died, three stones would be eliminated. They were in Loki's 'space pocket', as Thor had once called it. Only he could get to them. The tesseract, the aether and the orb were in his space pocket. If he died, Thanos wouldn't be able to get to them. If Thanos wished to get to them, he had the means to do it. Torture wouldn't work on Loki. The Titan had learnt that. The god would take whatever, without spilling any information. Loki had other weaknesses. He had Thor. Frigga. Tony. Hel, perhaps even the whole team. The god was worried that Thanos would target Tony. Why wouldn't he? That was a perfect way to get to Loki. Target his soulmate. There was no way Thanos didn't know. Loki had to protect Tony.

How would the mechanic react if Loki died? Would he really care? Or would he carry on as if nothing ever happened? Would he cry? Would he mourn? En didn't. No, he just brought the god back. Time and time again. It became a routine. Loki would die, En would bring him back, they'd talk, then carry on with their lives. Loki hated it. He just wanted it all to be over. He remembered the first time he opened up to En about it. It was after his ninth attempt after meeting the Elder. En brought him back and Loki broke down. He asked why the Elder wanted him to suffer, why he made Loki live despite the pain that never ended, why he hated the god. They got closer after that. Loki couldn't remember it very well, but En had told him. He'd assured him that no matter what, he'd never let the god die because he deserved to see happiness. En cared. The god knew that and he appreciated it. He knew he had a friend in En, no matter what happened. Even though they hadn't spoken since Loki had that dream, since he remembered his capture, the god knew that the Elder would always be there. After all, why else would he be going to Asgard? Loki remembered the first time Frigga found him dying. He couldn't quite remember how old he was, but thought perhaps twenty three. It was his third attempt, first one that brought him close to death. Frigga brought him back. He said it was an accident, that a spell backfired and he didn't realise it would be so bad. The excuses only grew in amount.

En had always made it clear that he cared and that he would never let the god die because 'he didn't deserve to die'. Frigga, once she realised what was going on, seemed distraught. Took away all of the sharp objects in the cell and made sure that the guards were with him at every moment. Of course, she regretted that once she realised what was going on. Once he was in his bedroom, there were no sharp objects in there either. They never talked about it. They never found reason to. How would Tony react? Would he not care? Would he wish that it had happened sooner? Or would he care? When he attempted again, Loki would use the excuse of 'hiding the stones from Thanos.' Did he even want to die? Loki had found himself in the odd position of being content. Of being happy. It was weird, he thought. Besides, he knew that if he attempted again that En would bring him back. Maybe if he left a note, he wouldn't? Well, that didn't work so well before. He vaguely remembered that once he left a note saying 'let me die' which was blatantly ignored by the Elder. En never took orders from anyone. It was irritating yet admirable, the god found. If he made it clear that while he was dead the stones were protected, would they allow it? Would he be happy? Loki would be in Hel. There'd be no happiness there. There'd be no Tony. He was happy. He was loved. He shouldn't be thinking of death, he thought. He shouldn't be thinking of excuses as to why he'd kill himself. He couldn't help but feel guilty that he felt that way. He was taking drugs, he was hurting himself, but he had more than he ever had. He had his soulmate, he had people he could talk to. He had happiness. So why did he still want to die?