Spooky Action at a Distance | Frostiron

For a Time You Belonged

Tony hadn't watched Jurassic Park in years. Not since it came out, he thought. That made him sound old, didn't it? He didn't like that. That scared him. He didn't want to get old. Would he ever get old? What would Loki do when it came to that time? Would the god really want to be in a relationship with an old man? Were they even in a relationship? What were they?

He took a sip of his drink, trying to calm his thoughts. Tony hated thinking. Sure, people thought that it was his strong point, but his strong point was his intelligence. Not his crippling self-doubt and self-destruction. That was his thinking. His workings out and his skills at engineering were his strong points. He found it amusing how the fact that something he started as a coping mechanism was the thing that he was known for. The Iron Man armour, sure, was a way to get out of his capture, but it ended up being a coping mechanism. A way to distract from the situation. His coping mechanism was somehow saving the world. How ironic was that? Something that was saving him was saving so many other people too.

Tony turned to the god in his arms, seeing that he was fast asleep. He smiled softly, glad that the trickster was able to rest. They hadn't talked about what happened, Tony didn't want to push the situation. It took him ages to settle the god and he didn't want to overdo it. He knew what it was like to be pushed to talk about trauma and he didn't want to make anything worse. He wanted the god to trust him. It was a good distraction from all of his problems, he thought. He felt bad using Loki's trauma as a distraction, but it was good for both of them, the mechanic thought. Loki was processing his trauma and Tony was avoiding his. Boom. Win win situation.

He finished his glass of whiskey before he reached for the bottle, cutting out the glass. What was the point? He would probably finish the bottle anyway. He remembered the first time he got drunk. He was hoping that it would make Howard want to spend time with him. After all, when Howard was home he was drinking, so Tony thought it would be like bonding. It wasn't. The mechanic was sent to his room and Howard avoided him for a week. Good old dad, Tony thought. Always finding ways to avoid his son. Would he be proud of Tony? If Howard could see him now, would he be proud? Or would he forever be disappointed in his son? Those were questions Tony longed for answers to. He wanted to know if he could at least make him proud at some point. He was fighting side by side with Captain America. What wasn't there to be proud of? He remembered what Peggy told him before he died.

'Howard would be so proud of you.'

Peggy knew Howard better than anyone, besides Jarvis. Peggy had told Tony a lot, but that was something that really stuck with him. The mechanic wasn't sure if he believed her, thinking that it was something she'd said to try to cheer him up before she died. Didn't work, but he appreciated the sentiment. He just wanted to be worth it. He'd never been enough for anyone. So why would he be enough for Loki?

The god deserved better, he thought. He found it amusing how a little over a year ago he'd dreamt of seeing the god suffer, but knowing that he had made him sick. Change of heart, the mechanic had to laugh at the thought. He wouldn't have ever thought he'd be laying in bed with Loki, but there he was. It was funny how things changed. Soon enough, that would too. Loki would realise that Tony wasn't worth his time, and leave. The mechanic just wanted to make the most of the time he'd have with his soulmate before he left. That was inevitable. Everyone left Tony. No one ever stayed. He wasn't good enough.

He smiled bitterly as he reached for another bottle of whiskey. It was one of those nights.

——————————————————————

Tony was going mad. No matter what he did, nothing worked. He just wanted to see everything get better, but would they really? He needed a break. He was sick of the press, specifically, and he knew that he was taking it out on everyone around him, including himself, but he couldn't help it. He'd argued with Steve more than usual, mainly about the mechanic avoiding everyone but Loki and Bruce, but Bucky jumped to his defence. He appreciated that. He simply couldn't cope with people. The press kept bringing up Howard and his legacy and how Tony 'didn't compare' to the late mechanic. He was one headline away from a breakdown.