LOVE, LUST or HATE

𝔗𝔴𝔢𝔫𝔱𝔶 (𝟚𝟘).

"He is not here; for He has risen, as He said. Come, see the place where the Lord lay."
Matthew 28:6 (NKJV)

𝐃𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 1𝐬𝐭, 𝐒𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐝𝐚𝐲
13:57
𝐓𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐧'𝐬 𝐩𝐨𝐯

I sighed looking at myself in the mirror. What am I doing with myself? Crying over a nigga that raped and beat me multiple times. I'm a certified mug. I quickly wiped my tears and went back to my bed. Recently I haven't had the energy to do anything, I barely eat, all I do is cry then cuss myself out for crying.

I heard the front door open and someone starts walking up the stairs, I already know who it is. Josiah shortly opened my door with a bag of Chinese in his hands. I mentally squealed, he knows that's my favourite. The only problem is I don't have an appetite, I feel like if I eat, I'll end up being sick.

"You didn't have to get me food."

"You need to eat and you won't make yourself food so I kinda did have to," Josiah told me, placing the bag of Chinese in front of me.

"I'm not even hungry," I muttered. He sighed in defeat. He does this every day; comes by my house to see how I'm doing and to try to get me to eat.

To be honest, I feel like I'm overreacting. Isiah put me through so much pain and hurt for so long and yet I'm grieving his death. I feel dumb for still having love for him but I just can't help it. I wish he had the chance to change his life around before he died. If only Joshua listened to me and left him alone. He was going to turn to God and have a life through Christ but Joshua took that away from him.

Joshua comes to check up on me too from time to time but I just ignore his whole presence. He makes me sick. I don't know what he thought I would feel when I found out he raped them innocent people, but he thought wrong. He didn't have to do that, he could've hurt Isiah differently, I would never ever condemn rape, no matter the situation and he knows this.

"Your brother wants to see you," he muttered.

"For what?"

"He just wants to rebuild you mans relationship. He knows what he did was wrong but he wasn't thinking."

I sighed, "Okay." There's no point in ignoring him even more, I might as well listen to what he has to say. "I'll go meet him tomorrow."

"Say no more. How you feeling though?"

"Okay, I guess. I just wish Joshua listened to me."

"He was trynna protect you."

"I know but he should try to listen to me sometimes, seeing people die isn't what I needed to see at that moment. He doesn't think about how I feel."

"I hear that. Just talk to him, life's too short for you man to be moving like this."

"Okay." I nodded, taking in what he said.