Save Me and I'll Save You L.S

Chapter 17

A/N Hi again! So I've now restarted school again and the amount of schoolwork is INSANE. But I'm going to try and write a little each night so I can keep updating regularly, thank you for being so patient with me! <3

Harry

(btw if ur confused this is recounting Harry's pov of the morning he left Louis the note at his apartment)

Feel free to let yourself out. -H

Harry had woken up that morning with Louis in his arms. He had lay in bed with silent tears streaming down his face at the realisation of just how much he had fucked up. Relationships never worked out for Harry they simply weren't for him, nothing was for him. It was in that moment Harry decided he had to get away from Louis for good, he couldn't keep leading him on and giving him false hope. 

So with tear stained cheeks Harry had sat at the kitchen table and written the dull note for Louis. He knew that he couldn't afford to show an ounce of emotion in that note, Louis had to hate him and move on. This is what Harry wanted, so why did he feel so numb when he should be feeling happy?

His own mind was scaring him. Louis had served as a distraction the previous night but now he had nothing. The once small voice in his head was now screaming at him, telling him how disgusting he was for ever wanting Louis, his arms itched at the thought of his blade in the bathroom, and so did his throat at the thought of his pills. But no. He had to go before Louis woke. Without sparing another moment Harry slipped silently out of the apartment leaving Louis to find his own way out. 

Harry had spent that morning wandering aimlessly. He stayed out for an extra 2 hours just to make sure that he would completely avoid Louis, he couldn't risk bumping into him. If he did accidentally bump into him Harry wasn't sure that he could keep up his act of hating Louis.

When Harry did actually return to his apartment it was in fact empty. The note he had left out for Louis still lay on the kitchen table but it was slightly torn and crumpled, there were a few small tear stains on it too. Good. Louis should hate him. Harry hated himself. How could someone ever want Harry when he didn't even want himself? 

It wasn't even noon and Harry was already over this day. A nap right about now could definitely be justified. So thats what he did curling up under a blanket on the couch he fell into an uneasy sleep. 

Why did it smell like roast chicken? Looking around Harry noticed that he was in his childhood home, and it was dinner time. Sitting around the table was his mother, father, and 16 year old him. The image looked so perfect. It was before everything went bad, before his father left, before his mother turned to drugs, before Harry wasn't anything other than normal. But no. This night, this dinner looked all to familiar. Its not real its not real. He couldn't be here no. He had to wake up. WAKE UP. He screamed at himself but nothing happened and all he could do was watch on at what was about to unfold. His younger self looked so innocent and content sitting at the table quietly eating his dinner. But one mistake was all took. Harry knew the words that his younger self was about to say before they were even said. "Mom, Dad I think I'm gay." The words cut through Harry like a knife, straight through his heart reopening everything that he had spent so long trying to lock away. His parents didn't reply with words. They could have told him how much they loved him and who he loved was his choice. That is what little Harry needed to hear. But no. Instead a glass was sent flying hitting him in the head shattering everywhere a mixture of blood and glass. He couldn't watch anymore. The look on little pure Harry's face was too much. He could see the heartbreak and tears streaming down his face mixing with blood that was pouring from the fresh wounds. Harry couldn't breath he was paralysed his chest was folding in failing to get any oxygen. Everything was getting hazy and fading...

Darkness. Harry sucked air into his lungs, his whole body shaking violently from his past that was invading his sleep. He was still on the couch from where he had fallen asleep earlier although he must have overslept as it was dark outside. As his breathing slowly evened out he knew he couldn't go on like this. Everything hurt. It hurt too much knowing how broken he was. He didn't want to continue living like this. 

But there was a way. Harry was ready now. 

He picked up his phone and pressed the call button. 

"Harry" A cold voice answered.

"I'm ready to be fixed now, I don't want to go on being broken like this." Harry spoke numbly into the phone, the words leaving his mouth didn't even seem like his own.

"It would have been easier if you had gone through with this the first time" The voice sounded slightly warmer, which relived Harry. Maybe this time would be nicer?

"What do I do? I'll do anything I'm so lost please...just fix me" Harry choked out.

"It's ok son. I'll make it all go away don't worry. You can and WILL be fixed." His father said firmly. "Get here as soon as you can. I'll take care of your class work. Lets just get you fixed."

"I'll text you as soon as I can book tickets. Thank you Dad. I promise I'll be better this time."

"I know you will." 

The line goes dead. 

Harry exhaled heavily it was all going to be ok. He was relived knowing that his father could make it all better. Whatever it took he would do, nothing could be worse than what Harry was already going through. It would probably just take some therapy and talking it through with somebody. Harry could do that. 

/ / / /

The next train was set to leave a wee while later. So Harry had kept himself occupied as the time passed. The days had dragged out but thankfully it was finally the day that Harry could leave. He was going to be fixed for good now. 

He zipped his suitcase shut and gave one last scan of the apartment before shutting the door and heading to the train station. He didn't know how long he'd be gone, but it didn't matter whatever it took.  

A/N This was such a shit chapter, but it was only a filler. I've gotten really slack and I'm writing pretty awfully but it is going to get better. Please trust me!

Ok I'll just stop talking now :))

Again I cringe saying that I wrote this but I am self aware of how bad this is!

<3 Thanks to those sticking with me!