Forged in Frost and Fire (Book 1 in the Chronicles of Kings trilogy)

Chapter Thirty Five

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾　　☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

It had been a day and a half since Sable left. And I hadn't stopped worrying. I hated how I worried, really, really hated it. I should have been happy he wasn't at House Vellichor. I should've been rejoicing at the fact that I had a room to myself, that I didn't have to feel his eyes on me everywhere I went. But I...I couldn't stop fucking worrying. I thought about him almost constantly. His stupid face was everywhere, I couldn't get it out of my head. If he died, the last thing he'd think of me was that I was some bitch. And I didn't know why I wasn't okay with that.

I pressed a breath out of my lungs, touching my finger to a glass of water. I watched as the liquid turned to a solid. I removed my finger and retracted the ice, putting it back into a liquid form. I tried moving the water but it didn't budge. So I could only control ice, it appeared. I should've figured, I had tried it ten times now.

There was a meow to my left. "Oh don't look at me like that. I bet you're worried about your daddy coming home too," I muttered, falling back in my seat. I had played two games of chess...against myself, I had sifted through Sable's things, tried on some of his clothes, and yet the clock still kept on ticking, and Sable did not come back.

"I don't even know why I'm worried," I said. "I should've never asked about his stupid truama. Because now I know he has reasons for being such a jerk and now...now I'm the jerk." I turned to Darcy to see she was playing with a ball of yarn.

"And I'm a psychopath too. Talking to a damn cat," I let out a frustrated groan, thunking my head against the table. I had spent the day training with Caspian. He had tried teaching me how to use ninja stars, but I had ended up poking myself more with the blade than the actual target.

I hadn't seen Nazira since the incident in the breakfast parlor the other day. I still remembered the burning fear I felt as that fire washed over me. Ice and fire did not mix. Nazira and I did not mix. And yet...yet I still liked her. She had become my friend the past few weeks that I had been at Vellichor. I didn't hate her for the outburst or the vile things she had said to me. I couldn't hate her for any of those things. I tried seeking her out a couple times, but when Nazira wanted to disappear, she disappeared. Caspian had told me as much when I asked him about it. Even he couldn't find her. So now two members of the cadre were gone and I was worried over the both of them.

"Well it's a good thing I already have white hair or else the grays would show up," I muttered. "Speaking of Gray..." I stood and walked over to the balcony, throwing open the doors. The night air kissed my skin and I sighed, tilting my head up to look at the stars. After a moment of bliss, I went over to the railing, leaning over it as I tried to force my gaze over the side of the mountain to see the palace.

Gray didn't have access to House Vellichor, no one outside of the cadre did. Servants came once a month to clean, but that was it. The cadre liked their privacy, not to mention it kept a sense of mystery to them. I certainly didn't know much about the infamous cadre before coming. I thought they were bloodthirsty maniacs. I certainly hadn't thought they'd throw food at each other during breakfast or drink till the morning hours or laugh so hard water came out of their nose. Ayaz did that last one at lunch today. The image was permanently embedded into my mind.

The thing was, I knew my life sucked. I really did. I wasn't blind, I still saw that it was a shattered mess around me. I had lost everything. And it still hurt, it hurt like hell. Sometimes, the pain would become too much that I'd just have to pause and take a breath and try to hold myself together so I wouldn't fall apart. The pain would hit at random times, so swift and strong it'd take my breath away.

The numbness hadn't gone away either. I still felt...strange at times. Dissociated. My appetite hadn't come back, I had trouble sleeping and had more frequent nightmares, I'd awake to my bottom lip being bitten raw, an anxiety tic I had had for years. But...but the cadre helped to distract me. Of course they couldn't completely distract me from the pain, but they helped.