The moon and The Star

Part 14

Not in texting
Sirius
Remus

"I... I really thought I could trust you," Remus managed to get out, his voice wobbling and barely louder than a whisper. He looked down at the boy he wasn't so sure he knew anymore and a shock of pain hit his chest, catching his breath slightly.

Sirius wouldn't meet his eyes, only looking at the ground. "I know. I'm sorry."

"You're sorry?" He said, his voice growing in volume with the rage pent up inside him. "Is that all you have to say? That your sorry you tricked me? Sorry you lied to me for months and pretended like you didn't know me? That you tried to comfort me when I complained about you! When I said I just needed a break from you!"

He still hid behind his hair as he answered. "I know what I did was horrible and I get it if you don't want to forgive me."

He half wanted to punch a wall and half wanted smack Sirius. "Oh I could probably forgive you if it were just that you were Pads! I could forgive you if it was just a mistaken drunk text that started something that got too out of hand. If all it was, was that you wanted to be my friend I could forgive you! But you knew! You knew my deepest secrets!"

"I didn't tell anyone, I swear." He reassured him.

A scuff came from his lips. "Oh I bet you didn't seeing as you're clearly so good at keeping secrets and lying to your friends! No, that's not the problem. You knew what I was going through and you still couldn't tell me the fucking truth. You were too much of a coward!"

Finally, finally, he looked up and their eyes met. He saw all the guilt in his irises get swallowed by shock. Hidden deep in his eyes was the pain, the ebbing pain Remus could relate to himself. That sort of pain was the same kind that was making his own eyes water, brimming with tears. Sirius' eyes, he realized, weren't so different from his own despite the unlike colors.

"What?" Sirius breathlessly asked, as if his own confusion and shock had knocked the wind out him.

Remus took a deep breath, clenching and releasing his fists at his sides to calm himself down. Don't cry, he told himself. Don't punch him either.

"You... you knew who I was and you knew how I was feeling. I shared with you my pain. I told you I had amnesia for Merlin's sake and you still stood by and watched. Not even that! You ran like a coward! Ignored me and refused to talk to me as either Padfoot or Sirius Black!" He slammed his hands onto the railing on either side of Sirius. "Do you have any idea how any of that feels! To trust someone with something only for them to run off with that secret like they never knew you! To have the one person who you thought you were safe with leave you!"

He hadn't even realized how up in Sirius' face he'd gotten, practically breathing down his neck at that point. He hoped his height was paying off and he seemed the slightest bit intimidating. Though he's sure the rage in his voice was enough to make anyone tremble with fear. Sirius though, he just continued to stare blankly at him.

Remus waited. Waited for Black to do something, to say the words that were so clearly on the tip of his tongue.

Sirius held his gaze. "I do know."

"You can't possible know what-"

"Remus!" Sirius raised his voice for the first time, silencing him. Both their breaths were quick, chests heaving up and down from the hot rage falling in waves from them. Padfoot pinched the bridge of his nose with a frustrated sigh. "Look, I don't want to play the guilt trick on you but you don't have the right to bitch to me about being ignored for a week when you've been ignoring me for years!"