After Dusk || Im Changkyun

31. Numbness

Chapter Thirty One

"So, he's been following you around, and you decide to tell me almost a month after while we're at your father's grave?" Changkyun asks confusedly as you throw yourself onto your own couch, Ollie happily barking at the sight of you.
He'd been alone with Changkyun for almost three days.
It must've sucked, didn't it, buddy?
You watched him pace back in forth in front of your coffee table, almost stepping on your feet each time he came around as he tried to wrap his finger around the entire situation. You got sick of watching him stress walk, pulling him by the arm beside you into your couch, his head bonking yours. You reeled back, clutching the side of your head with a pained smile, but giggling as you watched him do the same.
"Can you stop doing that? I have enough of a headache." You held tightly onto his arms, in hopes that he wouldn't begin pacing again, but low and behold, your grip wasn't strong enough and he got up off the couch.
Thankfully, he was just standing in front of you rather than walking back and forth. It was frightening having him looking down at you like that though. You grabbed his arm again, pulling him down so he was at least kneeling down in front of you.
Having a man tower over you while you're sitting has not ended in good things for you in the past.
"I still can't believe you didn't tell me earlier. Or anyone in fact." He sighed, resting his head on your thigh as he kneeled down in front of you. It seriously bothered you that you were just barely taller than him while you were sitting.
He isn't even that tall.
"I can't confirm he's following me, Changkyun. It's just that I'm getting scared over nothing. Please just stop worrying." You ran your hands through his hair in hopes of getting him to forget this conversation, even though you knew very well that the chances of him forgetting anything serious ever is less likely than pigs flying.
"I know, and I won't stop worrying. This entire thing is just so unbelievable and I just don't want you to get hurt. You've hurt enough." He said softly, letting his eyes close slowly, easing up. You continued to play with his hair, coiling small strands of it around your little finger, gently massaging his head.
"Are you mad?"
"No." He responded almost instantly,
"Just." He started, obviously struggling to find a way to express his obvious anger at you without making himself look angry.
"Disappointed."
You would've much rather had him be angry at you. Surprisingly, he was too gentle to ever properly get mad at you. He'd simply glared or quietly reprimanded you like he was doing right now.
It hurt more than if he were to just let his frustrations out on you.
You would've preferred that.
His other hand landed on the lap he was lying on. It was probably uncomfortable on the floor but you didn't want to disturb the little moment he was having. He was far too lost in his own world. You instinctively held it, drawing small circles on the back of his palm and watching the corners of his lips turn up slightly, a cute pink hue showing on his cheeks.
Seeing that didn't make you feel better like it normally would.
"I'm not mad at you. I'm not disappointed either. I just need you to trust me." He clarified, his voice seeming as if he was soothing you. Each word was honey strung, lightly and melodically.
It hurt you.
"I trust you, Changkyun. More than I've trusted anyone." You made out, continuing to stroke his raven colored locks, feeling Ollie jealously tap your hand with the tip of his little nose.
"I just don't tru- can you please just shout at me? Your calmness is killing me." You asked a bit too loudly. His hand went limp in yours.
"Just yell, shout, be mad, throw something. Your gentleness is terrifying."
Changkyun's entire body froze. His eyes finally opened, revealing an almost fearful look. It was indescribable but you didn't like seeing it. He lifted his head up, holding both your hands in his as he asserted lowly,
"I will never shout at you."
His gaze pierced your entire being, making you gulp and how strangely distressing he was being.
You didn't like this either.
"I'm not going to be the person he is." He muttered to himself, probably in hopes that you wouldn't be able to pick up his raspy voice but you did. You clutched onto the fabric of his collared shirt, pulling him up onto the couch beside you, grateful that he picked himself up rather than having your weak self do so.
"Who?" You asked curiously, to which he immediately shut down before your mouth could start running with questions,
"No one."
"Im Changkyun." You glared at him, watching him as he gulped in fear of you.
"Am I in trouble?"
"Yes, for multiple things."
He tried reaching out for your hand, knowing that it would immediately soften any sort of blow you'd take on him but you were quick enough to retract it, crossing your arms at your chest.
"You didn't tell me that you ran away nine years ago today." You huffed. Changkyun's eyebrows raised in shock, an appalled look painting over his face.
"How do you know that? Was it my uncle?"
"You could say that." You partially lied. Technically, it was half truth. You just couldn't tell him the other half.
You know, that you were working with his mother.
"You spent the entire day thinking about me. You didn't think about yourself. You must be going through a hard time too." You laid your head on his shoulder, hugging his rather large arm, comforting him with your touch.
"I did what I had to do. Don't think about it too much. I'm okay." Changkyun assured with a pained smile. He pat your head jokingly, Ollie nudging him away most likely because he didn't like the lack of attention. Changkyun scoffed, petting Ollie as he wished, the puppy getting comfortable and drifting off to sleep within seconds of feeling his touch.
Ollie really liked sleeping.
You lifted your head up from his shoulder, standing up beside the couch. Changkyun instinctively did the same. He watched you curiously, knowing that you had a reason to get up. You did. You swiftly wrapped your arms around his waist, pressing your cheek to his chest as you shared your warmth with him.
"You just look like you need a hug." You mumbled softly, holding him closer to you, definitely never wanting to let go. He cradled his head on your shoulder, bringing you deeper into a longing embrace, almost as if you hadn't cried in his arms forty minutes ago. You both swayed back and forth to the beat of the music that wasn't playing, smiling at the mere feeling of each other's touch. Changkyun lifted his head from your neck, a glint of youth shining in his eyes as he took one of your arms and slung it around his neck, his own arm snaking around the small of your back. He held your other hand with his own, beginning to hum a simple tune while the two of you traveled across the room with elegant strides.
"I didn't know you knew ballroom dancing." He chuckled in between humming. You rolled your eyes, holding tightly onto Changkyun's shoulder as you matched his every step.
"My parents always used to dance like this in the kitchen. My sister and I would always copy. How about you?" He looked less amused in answering the question.
"Try living with six men. When we get bored, there's a lot that could stem from it." He spun you around with the flick of his wrist, making you both burst into delighted laughter as you gazed into each other's eyes. You admired everything about his tender smile as you continued to waltz around the entire living room, Changkyun continuously humming a tune he seemed to have made himself on the spot, yet it was just as beautiful as he was.
There was something about dancing with someone that really makes you appreciate them in a different sort of way.
You couldn't help but feel guilty for all of it.
"You're gorgeous, did you know that?" Changkyun complimented, spinning you around slowly before reeling you right back in. You blushed, gently flicking his shoulder before responding,
"You're not too bad yourself, Your Highness." He was quick to dip you, making sure his grip around your waist. That was until you thought he hands left them and you flailed around in mid air, grabbing his cobalt blue tie and pulling him down to the ground with you. He was quick to slide his hand underneath your head so it wouldn't hit the hardwood ground. He rolled onto the floor next to you, not wanting to literally crush you.
You giggled at his effort, pinching his cheeks slightly, though not for long since Ollie was wide awake and began to cover his entire face with puppy kisses.
"I guess you two bonded while I was gone." You giggled, sitting up and pulling out your phone from your blazer pocket and snapping a few pictures while you could.
Photos last longer than memories.
Changkyun picked up Ollie, placing him beside you rather than on him. He wiped his face with the back of his hand, sticking out his tongue in disgust as he eyed the black and white puppy that wasn't as small as he used to be.
"Can I ask you something?" You blurted out of nowhere, making Changkyun sit up and shift closer to you.
"I'm kind of scared." He stretched out each and every syllable, trying to examine your face to get even the slightest idea of what you were about to ask.
You'd presumed that he'd noticed how curious you were about him all of a sudden. It was more that you found a small pinch of confidence and were able to ask some of the questions that had been floating in your headspace.
"Your mother." You started, "What do you think of her?"
Changkyun's breath hitched, blankly staring at the closed curtains. You sighed, knowing that you were poking at a healing wound but you just needed to know. You wanted to gauge how serious of a mistake you were making.
"I loved my mother. I loved her dearly." He began, making you lean in closer in interest. He wasn't being  vague.
"But I despise her."
Well then.
He didn't have to be that direct.
You were never going to be forgiven.
"My mother was almost never around. She was too busy with work. I grew up with the maids and they never did much with me. It was as if I was my own parent."
You frowned at his words, especially at the fact that he was trying to avoid eye contact with you, which is strange for the man who loves to make eye contact with any person that passes just to make them fall in love with him.
Suddenly, you felt bad for having such a loving family. You grew up with both parents for most of your childhood. Sure, your father worked most of the time, but the time he had he spent with the family.
It wasn't the case for him.
"The only time I'd ever received attention from her was when my father wasn't home. But most of the time, when they were both home, they'd just argue for hours. No matter how far away I ran, I could always hear them." He took another pained breath, and you instantly noticed the slight tremor in his hands.
He was telling you too much at once.
"Kyun, you don't have t-"
"I want to." He assured. You placed your hand on top of his comfortingly, caressing it slowly.
"I craved her praise. I craved my father's praise too. I just really wanted to be told that I was doing good or being a nice boy. I wanted nothing else. I still do."
He shifted away from you, creating a small distance between you with his body.
"But she'd never stood up for me. She'd never stepped in to protect me. She didn't stop me when I left. She just watched me leave her life and she didn't do a single thing about it. I don't even remember ever saying she loved me, but I knew." He said everything with my expression.
No pain.
No sadness.
No hurt.
No anger.
No anything.
Just numbness.
"Actions speak louder than words." He finally turned his head from the closed curtains, your eyes meeting. His gaze pierced through you as he said one last thing,
"Her actions that day were loud and clear."