After Dusk || Im Changkyun

16. Two Broken People

Chapter Sixteen

Changkyun took you far away.
He'd stolen his managers rental car, basically pushing you into it and driving off into the night. He hadn't uttered a word throughout the car ride and you didn't dare to break that silence. He didn't even bother to turn on the radio.
You held on tightly to your violently shaking hands to make it less noticeable that you were terrified in a new way.
How on earth did he know?
And of all people, why him?
Yuta would've made sense, but from the way Changkyun acted, he seemed to have known for a while. If Yuta ever found out, he would not hesitate to pull you aside and ask you about it, praying that it was all just a giant joke and that you were completely fine.
Truth is, you haven't been fine for a very long time.
You both made it to the familiar brick roads and familiar street.
Renz's cafe.
He walked close to your side, telling you not to stray too far from him since it was dark and you had zero clue where you were. You didn't even bother to disagree, saying that you'd remembered the street.
As you approached the door, you noticed that the sign said closed. Yet, he pulled out a key from his pocket and unlocked the door. You wanted to ask, wondering why he conveniently had the key to a persons cafe but thankfully, he answered before you even had to.
"I helped him decorate the place and helped with finances for the first few months. I have free access to this place whenever I feel."
He lead you inside, pulling a chair out for you at a table and then heading into the back where the bar was located. You nervously tapped your foot against the hard wood floors. Everything about this situation made you anxious. You were sitting on your hands at this point just to get them to stop shaking too violently. You could barely hold your phone in your hand, so you kept it on the table. He came back with a rather large bottle of... bourbon? and a small kiddy cup of orange juice with a little pink straw. Despite your nerves acting up, you couldn't help but laugh at it.
"Don't think I didn't notice." He implied quietly, pushing the drink closer to you before sitting down in the booth on the opposite side.
"Your hands are shaking. If I gave you a normal cup, you would've spilled it everywhere."
He ran a hand through his hair, it gently falling to the sides of his face.
"So, are you going to explain all of this to me?" He encouraged, yet his voice was so calm. There was this strangely gentle and comforting aura that surrounded him and you couldn't wrap yourself around it. It made you want to break down and spill everything to him, but your conscience wouldn't let you do that.
He obviously noticed.
"How about I tell you one of my stories then?" He suggested, pouring himself a drink and slowly sipping it.
"I may be an asshole to you a whole lot but I know it's not fair that I know more about you than you know about me."
He slouched down in his chair, but his eyes met yours.
"We're two broken people." He took another sip of the drink, not even reacting to the bitter taste it should have.
"I think that's what makes me so comfortable with you. I can't believe I'm telling you this." He scoffed, rubbing his temples with his fingers. He leaned his head back on the chair, sighing deeply.
"Okay." He started.
"I wasn't always like this, you know? Do you remember that drama Jooheon acted in like forever ago? Six years ago. It was about a restaurant owner and like a conglomerate business CEO."
You nodded. You watched that show religiously. It was so good.
Changkyun had a few cameos. They weren't too memorable so you did not remember them.
"The female lead, Sihyun. Every now and then, she brought her friend with her. As a makeup stylist. She was a model though. She was getting more and more fame with each show she walked. And I swore she got prettier and prettier every time I saw her."
You watched as he poured more into his now empty glass. Your ears couldn't believe what they were hearing. You didn't want to believe this story was going where it was seeming to but when you saw a pained smile spread across Changkyun's face, you knew.
"And she said she felt the same way. So, we started dating, and my miserable life was turned upside down every time I saw her smile."
You never expected this from him. Though he always seemed to dislike affection, it would've been strange for him to have been single his entire life.
"She was beautiful. She was sweet. She knew how to make me smile when I most needed it. Before her, I hadn't felt love like that."
He rested his head on the table gently. You could see his body move up and down with each heavy breath he took.
"My parents, they never had time for me. My father owns a large international research facility. My mother is the backbone of a luxury fashion business. They were never home. I never had a home. We moved around so often that the concept of home or family just never existed to me. We didn't settle down until middle school. And I didn't stay there for long either."
You could feel the hurt in his voice. There was something about him at this very moment.
He felt so vulnerable.
Changkyun was the last person you'd ever expect to see like this.
It was breaking you.
"I wanted to be like my father. I wanted to take his company. Work with science, and I was ready to take it all. But it was so overwhelming. It slowly turned from me wanting to do it to me being forced to do it. It was getting so stressful, I couldn't handle them on my back 24/7. Monitoring what I wear, to what I do, what I eat, who I speak to. I couldn't take it anymore. We got into one last argument, over school I think, and I left. I said one last thing to my parents and I took the first bus to Seoul."
You furrowed your eyebrows at him, comfortingly placing your cold hand on his warm ones. He looked to you for a second, sparing a glance at you.
You melted.
"If you couldn't tell, my family has always been well off. When I left, I was on my own. I started from scratch. I worked jobs day and night, I slept in a different place each night, just hoping to find someplace to finally call home. I was only sixteen. That was my life until my uncle found out what happened to me, and he took me in."
A small smile spread across his face.
"He got me into music. I joined his company. I became a trainee, but I had no friends. Everyone hated me. Both because I was the CEO's nephew and because I ended up making the cut for Monsta X. I didn't deserve to, but I did. It killed me everyday, living with six people that hated even the thought of me, but eventually, Jooheon hyung opened up. He said I was like a little brother, and slowly, all the other guys started being okay with me."
You held tightly into his hand, rubbing circles on the back of his hand with your thumb.
You didn't know why he was telling you all of this, but something about it all made you feel like you were the first.
"I didn't know what family felt like until I met them. Suddenly, I was given so much unconditional love and I was so grateful for it all. I learned how to return that love too. I said "I love you" for the first time. And I'm so happy that those six were the first. I swear to god, I broke down crying that day and I just didn't stop. Shownu hyung was so confused but he gave me a hug anyways. They didn't know how much they meant to me back then and I didn't know bad I needed them."
His smile faded.
"And then I started loving her."
He took a long breath.
"We dated for three years. The happiest three years in my entire life, as I used to say. We were both busy but we made it work. She was older than me, an inch shorter than me but she'd always wear heels. I loved her so much, Y/N. I thought she was the one for me. The one I'd spend the rest of my life with. So, when I was 21, I bought a ring."
Your heart completed stopped.
You were not expecting this at all.
"I was young, and stupid. Looking back it now, I should've known. The days she wouldn't come home, the weeks when she was on 'business trips' but there were never any shows for her to walk. I remember that day so clearly, and I wish I didn't. She came home that morning, I had the ring in my pocket and I was beyond ready to give my entire life to her, even though I already had."
You grabbed the bottle from his hand, moving it away from him.
"No more." You said quietly, pushing over your barely touched orange juice. He smiled softly at you before slowly sipping it from the little straw.
He looked so empty.
"She walked into the door, she looked at me, she did not smile. All she did was say those two words."
His breath staggered.
"Changkyun, you don't have to tell me this. It's okay." You cooed slightly, to which he shook his head.
You understood.
He needed to get it off his chest. You could tell he'd been holding it all in for a longer time.
"'I'm pregnant.'"
You gasped.
The corners of his lips turned up to form a sly smirk when he heard you. You slapped your free hand over your mouth, hiding your face behind your hair.
"That's what she said. I was shocked like you were just now. I tripped on a coffee table. She didn't laugh. At 21, that was the last thing I was expecting, yet I was so ready. The pure joy that hit me after the shock, it was beyond unimaginable. But that didn't last long. Because right after that she told me that she'd been cheating on me for the last eight months."
You were expecting it. But you didn't want to believe it. How could someone cheat on someone that loved them so much? It was such a cruel thing to do.
It all made so much sense now.
"She told me she didn't love me anymore. She told me that the one she wanted wasn't me. And with no other words, she left. I never saw her again. My world crashed beneath my feet that very day. Everything left me. I don't know how long I laid on the cold ground that day but it was far too long. I let the day pass by me while my entire soul left my body."
You were literally watching him break in front of you. You could never even imagine. Changkyun's sorrow soon turned into a pained chuckle.
"And you'd think it couldn't get worse? But it did. It got so much worse. When I told Jooheon, he didn't react. He didn't say anything. His face didn't change. And then it clicked. He knew the entire time. All the times they talked in private when we were all together. All of the text conversations that neither of them would let me read. It made so much sense. I don't think you understand how much that hurt me. I would've much rather had him be the guy she cheated on me with. At the time, maybe I would've found a way to forgive him, but the fact that he knew and he let me break myself as each day passed and let me fall for her more. That was something I couldn't forgive."
His laugh turned bitter.
"I shouted. I shouted a lot. He didn't even try to argue back. I don't remember it all. I was so infuriated that in my memory I remember it as a few aching seconds. I think I punched him. It's all hazy. I definitely punched him. I doubt he did anything about it though. He probably felt sorry about it all but I never gave him the chance to explain."
He laid his head on your hand, and you didn't stop him despite all the butterflies that flew around in your stomach.
"I refused to talk to him. I didn't go near him for six months. The others were trying to get me to turn around but I was so stubborn. I felt so betrayed. Even the mention of his name would send me into a whole on fit. Each day was getting harder and harder because I missed her more and more. Yet, I didn't try to win her back. I knew she was gone, and then I thought, 'She was the one for me. Now that she's gone, I have no one.' It was so stupid of me. I had so many wonderful friends to confide in and to help me heal and I ignored every single one of them. Everyday I found a new reason not to live, whether it was the fact that I was killing my body slowly, or that I couldn't even open a bottle of water without completely collapsing from exhaustion."
He lifted his head up, placing his other hand on top of yours, which was basically sandwiching it.
"One night, I decided that I had given up. I walked a mile to the bridge with the ring in my hand. I didn't hesitate throwing it into the water, and I almost threw myself off too."
A sigh.
"But Jooheon hyung was there too."
He grabbed the orange juice, his hand unintentionally crushing the plastic cup. You didn't stop him.
"I don't know if he was there that night to do the same thing, but all I remember is tears. I was trying to hard to jump and he was using all the energy he had to hold me back. And eventually, I gave up. I let go of the bars and we just cried with each other on the concrete sidewalks."
Hearing this hurt so bad. You would've never thought.
"I swore I'd never let a woman break me like that again. And that led me to break of any sort of relationship I'd ever had with a woman that wasn't a stylist. My style staff hasn't changed in the last six years and it probably never will."
Changkyun turned to you, looking into your eyes.
"And then you came into my life."
He tilted his head slightly, rolling his eyes at you sarcastically but there was still a small grin on his face.
"Everything about you reminded me of her. You even had the same last name. It's one of the more stupid reasons but a reason nonetheless."
His hands played around gently with a napkin, twirling it slowly and weaving in through his fingers.
"I called you that day, and made that deal. What did I say? 'After dusk of the show premiere, we don't need to put up with each other. Let alone see each other.' I wanted nothing to do with you, but time brought me to run into you when I least expected you."
He smiled.
"I want to break that deal. I know I call you Eggo, and I'm sure you don't like it, but I want you to be My Eggo."
You smiled.
"Y/N, you've made me feel emotions I never thought I'd be able to feel again, and I know I can be a moody bitch sometimes, but I like you. A lot. I don't want to forget you after this is over. I want to see you every day I possibly can."
He awkwardly rubbed the nape of his neck with his free hand, chuckling guilty to himself.
"This really wasn't part of my plan, but what do you say?"
You got up from the table, your hand leaving his. He looked at you confusedly, his eyes following you as you slid into the booth next to him. You wrapped your arms around him, resting your head on his shoulder.
"You said we're two broken people, right? Let's mend ourselves together."
You heard Changkyun's visible sigh of relief, followed by being engulfed by his embrace.
"Are you always this cold? I think I'm hugging a snowman." He joked and you didn't even bother to argue with him. You just stayed there.
This was not how you were expecting this conversation to end but you were not complaining. Learning this much about Changkyun made you feel special. It made you feel so special.
You hadn't felt special in a while.
Something about the fact that he trusted you sent your heart on a roller coaster.
You liked Changkyun.
Wow.
If you could go back a couple of months ago, you would've never imagined this to have happened.
Neither did he.
"I hate to break the moment. I got to caught up about me, but don't think I forgot the reason we're here. It's your turn."
He began to remove his arms but you held onto him tighter, making him completely stop.
"Can you not let go? I kind of need this right now." He didn't say anything. He just kept you in his arms, rocking the both of you slightly back and forth.
"It'll feel better to talk about it." He assured, and you laughed slightly at him. He really just took the advice you'd just given him. Well, not really. Actually, not at all.
You began to collect your thoughts. You couldn't believe you were doing this right now.
If you asked your sixteen year old self, you would've never been able to imagine this day. If you asked yourself a year ago, you would've never anticipated to be alive to see your life like this. For your life to be better.
You leaned your head into Changkyun's neck, sighing.
"It all started six years ago."

•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•

I don't mean to hold out Y/N's secret but it doesn't feel right to throw so much into one chap
Well
Kyun and Y/N are a thing now
I was thinking of ship names
Personally I think Eggkyun has a wonderful ring to it