Angels

Each

"No!" I screamed in my dream and woke up. Nightmares once again. They were part of my daily life but I got to learn how to live with them.

I looked around me and realised that I was still at Jonghyuns and he was still not home.

3:00 am was shown by the digital clock. By this time they should be recording already.

I'm at someone else's house so I cannot do much, if I will stay here any longer I will die from anxiety.

I quickly grabbed my jacket and went outside.

Coldness. I was strolling along the streets as the cold air welcomed my face and froze every hair and part of it. I couldn't no longer feel my nose, hands and feet. I was dressed too lightly for this weather and only thing that could keep me warm was jacket.

One, two, three... I counted the steps as I took another and another, feet leading me to who knows where. It was too cold for May... it felt like the world decided to protest to welcome the summer almost a month after and decided to freeze everything to death.

Leaves where making a sound, which calmed me down. Wind was in the corner waiting for the right time to take everything with it, happiness, sadness and other bottled up emotions.

I suddenly stop when in front of me there were the railings and I looked up. I was by the river. My feet decided to take me to the river today.

So beautiful. I wonder what it will feel like to stand in front of them and feel the breeze comming from the river better.

My mind was suddenly in the daze and I wanted to feel the breeze better. I took the jacket off and climbed the railing. Slowly put my feet on the other side and grab the railing to keep myself from falling.

Water. I wonder how it will feel like to jump from here. I wanna get wet so much. It feels like water is inviting me to the party underwater and is telling me that I can be happy down there.

"Beautiful" I mumble and let go of the railings to meet the icy water that was waiting for me.

I look around and everywhere is water, darkness and water but it feels warm.

I feel how the air is leaving my lungs and instead is getting filled by the water but I don't care. It feels good.

I closed my eyes and after who knows how long I open them to meet the very know eyes, only to remember the promise I made with them and broke it.

The eyes weren't holding the warmth towards me anymore. They were hollow and red, puffy from crying. They were always fillied with the pain and sorrow, tears and scars but this time there was only pain.

None of us were saying anything. Just staring into the depth of our eyes

"You know..." I started, my voice sounding hoarse and husky "I would not feel sad if it were other pain of eyes but for some reason I feel guilty and sad for what I did. I- I'm sorry. I know i promised but it's like water invited me and told me I would be happy down there. I-"

"Shh I know. You don't have to explain yourself. It's just I'm glad you are here" he whispered and ducked his head down "i- I'm just thankful you didn't die" he whispered and I saw how pearly tears fell down from his eyes.

"Come to me" he didn't answer anything and stayed in the same position

I slowly took his hand and tugged him towards me, he looked up to me with the broken eyes filled with tears and it hurt more than anything I have been through so far. He cares and why did I not see it before? Why did I neglect the only person who acted about me?