Angels

Themselves

"Ten! Nine! Eight! Seven! Six! Five! Four! Three!  Two and one! Happy new year!!"

We cheered as we welcomed 2016 in our lives but even though it was smiles ad hugs we still lacked something inside.

His book was published 3 months ago or so and became popular because of its small poems, storyline, songs connected to each character and just gave you a peak into his life.

We were sipping wine as we were leaned on each other's shoulder. By this time just our presence wasn't enough we needed that skinship to feel calm and collected.

"If I asked you to commit double suicide with me what would you do?" I asked him slowly, I didn't want to give him panic attack he got once in a while and especially during his sleep.

"I don't know ... I'm ready to die with you but I also want to live with you and discover more about life... I'm not ready to die just yet."

"Sounds best option for me..." I mumbled and dug my nose into his neck where you could feel that calming and soft collagen which was not too strong but not weak either.

And we spent the night, just like that.

2016 started of not as active as previous year. I was still mentally unsteady person who was calmed down only by him and he was still depressed workaholic who wrote more and more music and gave most of them away. First one this year was precious maknae Taemin who couldn't wait to publish this song.

The more time passes more quiet we were with each other. Barely spoke and mostly enjoyed each other's company.

One day he came back home with two young boys, who came in soaked in rain and stood in the doorway.

I swiftly took towels and handed those to them but made sure to distance myself and stayed near Jonghyun.

They both looked at me wish shocked eyes until Jonghyun didn't explain that I was living with him and we weren't in relationship.

"They will be living with us for some time. I am going to teach them some stuff about music. Boys take shower and wait for me in studio until I take one too" he smiled at them and they did as told, not looking back as they made their way to the bathroom.

"Are you okay? You seem worn out" I asked as he looked at me with fading smile and pale face, drowsy eyes and weak arms which opened before he spoke

"Give me a hug" and I did. I did not care if he was wet and I was getting all the water on me too. I hugged him tightly. Just the way I always imagined a person hugging me in my dark days, when I didn't have anyone around me and was lost in my own little world, which was full of darkness.

"Hyung!! You can shower now! We are done!" One of the cheerful voice beamed in house. He hugged me for some more time before releasing it and kissing my forehead. "Thanks" he mumbled and went to the bathroom where I followed him.

Bathroom was actually quite big, with dark mirrors inside for shower where you weren't able to see anything. Next to it there was stool, where one of us always sat and waited while other took shower. We have talked a lot here, about our thoughts, worries, memories and many others but sometimes we were quiet, just sitting there sometimes was enough to know you weren't alone while going through hard time.

"Today sesaengs tailed us... one even ran after us, it was creepy" he whispered as he opened shampoo bottle.

"Where was the security?" I asked while I rested my head against the wall and closed eyes.