Angels

And

"Today we have concert will you come?" Jonghyun woke me up early and asked me this the first thing

"Good morning to you too. Yes I slept well and no I didn't have any nightmare. Yes I will be happy to come with you" i sleepily answered and he instantly dragged me out of the bed and hugged me. The. Pushed me to the bathroom and told me to be ready in 10 minutes. Jokes... I can be ready it 5 minutes.

I decided to steal his clothes today and wore his hoodie over stripped jumper and my ripped jeans. I tied my hair in a ponytail and wore sneakers.

"Let's go" He smiled and took me outside where his members were waiting.

After greeting them they told me I would be acting like their staff from time to time so no scandal would arise. I was fine with that since I got closer to them over these weeks and they accepted me little more. Not completely but much enough.

"You can stay in our changing room whenever you want it. I know you hate crowds" Jjong whispered in my ear and I nodded. Last thing I wanted now was be around crowd... I would cheer for them more than them from the backstage so I'm fine with it.

We ran in the waiting room from the backdoor and they rehearsed little more on the stage. I watched them as they did magic without any effect and in that moment I realised why so many people love and respect them

After concert started I didn't even go out from the waiting room. I was scared... I was worst at communicating with people and even if they asked me something as simple as what's my name I would get confused and answer dumb thing. I had anxiety and it stroked whenever talking to someone.

Maybe I couldn't do that but while watching the performance I cleaned up the room and got water and towels ready for them in order. After some time they finally pulled up and I pointed to water and towels for them. They smiled and thanked me as chugged down while bottle and noted myself to get ready more of water next time.

"You were amazing" I whispered in Jjongs ear as he was about to leave

"Thank you, high note is for you" he winked and ran away.

We have done so many things for each other. From little favours to simply being there for one another. Sometimes I had feeling I was talking to a literal angel.

Did I love him? Yes. Would I die for him? Yes. But do I know in what way I love him? Nope. Have no idea.

We go from lovers to siblings to friends to strangers all the time. Sometimes even tho we trust each other it's hard to open up. Especially for him. He keeps everything inside and doesn't understand I won't judge him no matter what it is.

I once stopped him from taking pills... it was about a week ago and it's fascinating how person cannot realise what's going on when attempting suicide. You just look at the thing that's gonna kill you and leave this word, your thoughts are somewhere else and you block everything out.

I saw him and after he took them I made him throw them up again. I got so scared... I see him suffering but I cannot help him... it drives me crazy that he is suffering. He even tried therapy but told me that she doesn't understand what I'm going through. She tells me to be positive but she doesn't understand it's hard to do so. No I don't know how to. I may smile but I am not positive at all. And I understood what he meant because all the therapists told me the same.

I unconsciously started crying. I don't know how to help him. God can I die? Please this time. Only this once let me succeed. I wanna die so I won't suffer and don't make anyone around me suffer too.

I am just a burden. I always get saved but when someone needs it they don't.

Thoughts were drifting me away from the consciousness when I heard his voice and high note. I recognised song-" Excuse me miss" one of my favourites. He looks happy performing.

"I sat there defeated. If needed I will die for you or instead of you." I whispered and passed out. As I always knew.

When I woke up they were getting changed and I swiftly looked away and got up. "I'm sorry that I fell asleep"

Jonghyun gave me a known look and worried glance... I realised he knew why I fell asleep but hopefully I signed him that I'm feeling well.

As concert was coming to an end I went outside to meet them by the backstage entrance

When they bowed and ran inside Jonghyun collapsed in my hands and knocked out. I panicked and looked around but couldn't scream for help.

"He always gets knocked out after a concert" Minho heavily breathed and answered me slowly. I took care of Jonghyun as other staff took care of others. I gave him breathing mask and cleaned his face by wet towel. His head was on my legs and I got him comfortable on the ground. I somehow managed to lay him on a duvet cover and I took care of him for hours until he started to gain consciousness.

"Thank you" he breathed and smiled at me "Why did you cry?"

"I'm scared of losing you" I pushed tears away as I started to tremble at these thought. I cannot imagine my life without him.

"I'm here right now right?" He slowly took my hand and hugged it and went back to sleeping.

After 30 minutes he again woke up and managed to stand up. I helped him to go to the changing room and helped him to clean up.

After freshening up he hugged me on the sofa tightly. "You did well Jonghyun I love you" I whispered in his ear and after these days saying these 7 magical words became our tradition. Only ours.