Finding Yourself

Chapter Fifteen: Culmination

(... this will be...yeah..:) I can't see. I'm blind rn)

"Hey," Lucas started as they entered their room. Dakota didn't look at him still, nor did he acknowledge that he heard Lucas. The black-haired boy just walked over to his bed and flopped on it. He curled up in his blankets- with his clothes on. Dakota didn't care at the moment- about anything. He couldn't afford to. "You know, I was thinking that we could go on an actual date next time er...Xavier?" Lucas paused for a second, as if unsure. "Yeah...Xavier. Next time Xavier comes over we should book it. That was hella awkward." 

Another pause.

"His name is Xavier, right?" Lucas asked, "I've only just met him, but I'm not sure."

Another pause. Dakota didn't answer. He didn't feel like talking, as he did all day. And it aggravated him somewhat when he felt the bed dip with a force that was undoubtedly Lucas's peachy, round, perfect butt.

Dakota refused to look at him.

"What's wrong?" Lucas asked and, from his tone of voice, Dakota could tell he was both concerned and aggravated. Probably because Dakota hadn't even glanced at Lucas after their 'date'. 

Dakota didn't answer. He refused to talk.

"Okay, fine," Lucas replied almost mockingly, "Let's see if I can figure it out- This whole day you have been a stick in the mud- grumpy, you could say. You haven't made eye contact with me. You tried to shove my foot away at the table." Lucas seemed to pause, as if he was thinking. "So it's probably got to do with me. Considering your hot and cold history of showing me affection and then pushing me away- and since yesterday was definitely hot enough to bring on this icey chill- I'm assuming you are either regretting the kiss we had or you are in dom drop."

Lucas laughed breathily- not a real laugh. More nervous than anything.

"And, though I wish it was dom drop," he continued, "I know it's the rare case between the two. So...you regret the kiss?"

Dakota didn't want to say yes. He didn't want to say no. Did it have to be one of those? Couldn't it be somewhere in between?

So, he didn't say anything at all.

"I see. The silent treatment," Lucas said. It was calm, but behind the calm was anger and sadness...It sounded like disappointment. Dakota felt his heart sinch. "It wasn't like it was your first kiss," Lucas said, "So, why are you acting like this?"

Dakota didn't want to talk. He thought he might cry if he did. He didn't like crying- it was why he always resorted to anger when he was sad. Tears rolling down his face reminded him of being gagged by a dick down his throat.

"You like guys. I know you do," Lucas replied to his silence with anger, "Straight guys don't kiss other men with that much passion. Straight guys don't eye me up like I'm a four-course meal every time I'm half-way naked. Straight guys don't let their jealousy and protection leak for male prostitutes, who are not even f**king worth their time of day!" Lucas breathed in a shaking breath- one that told Dakota that he was probably crying. Dakota definitely didn't want to look at Lucas now. He didn't want to see him cry. "Do you not want me? Maybe you find me hot or something, but not worth it? Not worth the commitment with a-a whore." He sniffled, and Dakota's heart ached. He couldn't. He couldn't. But how he wanted to.

"Lucas, I want you," he said meekly, "But you won't want me."

"Bulls**t," Lucas sniffed back.

"I'm serious-"

"Bull. S**t," Lucas interrupted.

"Can you just let me explain?" Dakota shot back. His sadness, yet again, had morphed into unwanted anger. He didn't want to be angry. Not anymore.