Broken inside

Chapter 22

☆☆☆☆BUCKYS POV☆☆☆☆

Our kiss was magical. Beautiful but in the back of my mind all I could only think about what she was doing to herself. I mean this girl. This beautiful kind,funny girl or should I say woman hates herself. Why? The thought rattled around in my brain so I had to ask.. "Doll why are you doing this...the cutting...the eating disorder why?" I ask gazing into her (y/e/c) eyes. I could tell she didnt want to tell me but she did.

~~~~YOUR POV~~~~

The one question I never wanted to answer was being asked. I couldnt really tell him that it was because of always never feeling good enough and  hating my body. But I didnt feel like I could lie to him so I didnt. I felt tears pricking in my eyes while I was searching for my response. "Well umm when I was at 'the school' I was taught that I wasnt good enough for my father and that is the reason why he left me. They would also tell us that if we were over a certain weight that we were ugly and well...worthless so I uh."I couldn't finish my sentence. More tears dribbled down my face. I couldnt look at Bucky he was probably disgusted.

All of a sudden I felt a metal hand turn my face to look at him. I looked at his beautiful face and there was an encouraging smile on it. I took a steadying breathe and continued. "Well when I came here and you were all nice to me and you fed me and were just the best thing that could of happened to me...well I felt as if didnt deserve it so I punished myself for it. That's when I broke down at dinner once well it was because I felt like I couldn't eat...I am sorry i am so sorry." I began to cry more. "Why didnt you tell anyone?"he asked. Wow Bucky I love you and all but you are so stupid. "Well I didnt want to be a bother or for Tony to kick me out for being weak." After I said that I saw Buckys face contorted into a frown. "Stay here." He said before I could protest. Well I didnt want to risk seeing anyone anyway.

☆☆☆☆BUCKYS POV☆☆☆☆

Tony. That asshole made her scared to talk to us. I walked as fast as I could to the elevator. I knew he would be in his lab. I punched the number in as fast as possible and waited. In no time at all I was on his labs floor. I swear to god I'm gonna kill this son of a bitch. I slam open the door to see Tony and Steve talking in a room. "Steve can you go and see y/n I think me and Tony here need to have a little chat."I say though my teeth. "I dont know Buck."
"JUST GO."I tell back at him. He quickly scrambles out of the room. Just me and Tony.

I quickly ran up to Tony and punched him in his stupid face. "YOU WANNA KNOW WHY SHE DIDNT TELL ANYONE ABOUT HER ISSUES?" I ask rhetorically. "BECAUSE SHE WAS SCARED YOU WOULD KICK HER OUT...SHE THOUGHT THAT SHE WASNT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU...ITS ALL YOUR FAULT." I shout louder. All he does is stare at me. He looked broken but that doesnt mean he isn't an asshole. "I know Buck I messed up big time."he started crying. "She is my daughter and I let her down...I made my own daughter think that the best option was suicide... now she probably wont look me in the eyes anymore...how do I help her."he cries even harder. I could see this man was sorry but I didnt bother trying to comfort him. "Dont be such a dick."I said before turning and leaving him.

~~~~YOUR POV~~~~

When Bucky left Steve came down to comfort me...he didnt bother asking why...he just hugged me...it was nice. Steve I have noticed is the brother I have never had. Yes sometimes he can be strict but he is just protective but I still felt like shit. I mean I just tried to kill myself. Steve pulled me into a bear hug where I just sobbed. Then I heard a ding of the elevator it revealed an angry looking Bucky. As soon as he saw me however his gaze softened as he ran to me. Steve let go and allowed Bucky to pull me into a hug. "I am going to leave you two alone for a bit okay." Steve said before leaving. I pressed my head into his chest which he almost stroked. It was surprisingly calming. He pulled away from the hug and looked into my eyes "if we are going to do this I need you to promise me you will try to stop doing this to yourself...I know it will be hard but I will help okay? And i am going to promise to help you eat...we can go as slow or as fast as you want okay...I just want you to be happy and healthy." He said softly. I hated that I would have to promise that. I mean that is a huge promise and I dont know if I can stop. I mean i really want to stop. "I promise."I gave him a small smile to assure him. I need to stop I need to stop for me. Hurting myself it doesnt help anymore. But it's more of an addiction. "Can we go to sleep I am pretty drained."I asked rubbing my eye. "Of course doll."he answered. Before I could stand up I was being carried by two arms. I craned my head up to his and placed a soft kiss on his lips. This may be the missing piece to my happiness.

He kicked the door open with his foot and sat me on the bed. "I am just going to put my pjs on."I say before heading to my bathroom. Oh no there it is...my blades. I threw on my pyjamas and picked up my blades. Part of me wanted to just attack my wrist with the blades but a part of me didnt want that. No y/n you want to change you need to stop. I dropped the blade from my wrist and left the bathroom and headed towards Bucky. He looked to me to see me holding the blade and his eyes widened. "Open your hand."I say shakily. He complies and holds out his hand. I put the blade safely in his hand and looked into his eyes. "I want to stop...so can you get hide it in the morning." I shaking trying to stop my emotions leaking out of me. He looked at me sweetly and nodded before motioning for me to get into bed. "Can you stay again."I ask. "Of course I can." He answered. And with that we crawled into bed and slept arm in arm. It was weird so much shit happened today and now all of that didnt even matter. He was with me and I was with him. How it is supposed to be.